The General and the Firelord

Chapter 1: Re-acquaintance.

In retrospect, it all started with the embrace. He was a bit surprised by it, but really should have expected it. The General of Ba Sing Se, known to her enemies and allies alike as “the Badgermole” (and “Blind Bandit” to a few underground fighting fans with long memories) had exquisite knowledge of proper etiquette but no respect for it whatsoever. The Firelord had to bite down a laugh when she'd shoved the man announcing her titles and presence out of the way and walked up, punched him in the shoulder, then went to grab him into an affectionate hug that would no doubt threaten his lower spine’s integrity.

And it wasn't that he'd minded, really. Though their first conversation had ended rather awkwardly for him and painfully for her, they'd sufficiently bonded afterwards. You can't fight for your life back to back with somebody without growing close in some sense or another. And his Uncle had all but adopted her into the family. She probably have let him, stopped only by the fact she had family still, though he understood they lived in perpetual denial of their infamous daughter.

Still, for all her immense talent in anything that didn’t involve putting up signs, the General had certain disadvantages on height judgment. So it was that in full view of the court, the General had grabbed the Firelords rear.
It was a major faux paus. It was scandal. It was, by the Generals reaction the second she realized what that soft thing her hands had found was, hilarious. Not only did she proceed to laugh uproariously, but went on to comment on the firmness of the Firelord's rump.

At this point, years of monotony, politics and boredom simply caused the Firelord to snap. And so, with the slap on the General's ass, he declared his rear the clearly superior of the two. Thankfully for all involved, the General thought this was funny as well. The court found itself aghast. The Firelord, still laughing, dismissed court early before the General inevitably one-upped him.

Negotiations that'd been estimated to need a week to work out were concluded in two hours. The general was straightforward and direct as she'd always been. It was at this point the General wanted to visit the grave of the Firelords late mentor and her old friend.
As they paid their respects at his shrine, the Firelord had a sudden thought. The earth
kingdoms dead were entombed in a slab of stone and buried deep in the earth. The general would be able, in theory, to sense these corpses all the time whenever went to pay the respects to her own departed ancestors. If there were worms in the casket, if they were rotting, these things would all be known to her. This morbid thought was interrupted by the general procuring from her robes a bottle of very expensive looking wine. The Firelord expected her to pour some to the shrine, but instead she raised it aloft, toasted her late friend and the man the Firelord wished had been his father, and took a gigantic swig of the bottle. She then passed it to the Firelord, who's eyes were tearing up just from the fumes of the thing. Nonetheless, he likewise raised the bottle, and took a drink himself that was an eighth of the amount the General had just imbibed, with twice the reaction. At this point, an argument over Fire Nation's refined Maotai and the Earth Kingdoms rotgut Baijiu began. Naturally, the Firelord had to produce examples of his nations superior beverages as proof...
... which led to a general disclosure of all manner of interesting stories of times far past and recent, all in increasingly slurred speech. At this point, a half inebriated General was listening to the Firelord disclose one of the horrific memories of Ba Sing Se that haunted him.

"... and so," the Firelord concluded "at this point, I walk in to ask my sister about the distribution of soldiers. Ty Lee is tied up un her bed, right? Naked as a baby with her legs... " the Firelord meshed his fingers together and interlocked them. "I'm not sure what the position was called. Some kinda knot. And there's my sister, also naked. Save for the blue dragon she's got strapped between her legs. She hasn't seen me yet, you realize. She's screaming about how the dragon of the south is about to penetrate 'Ba Sing Lee's' whore ass in the same was as she had just done to the impenetrable city!"
The General was unable to stand at this point, such was her laughing. "Oh god, That's what that thing was!? I always assumed it was some concealed weapon or hidden compartment!"

The Firelord paused "You felt it? She was wearing it during one of the battles?"

The general was shaking her head, still laughing. "Battle? Zuko, she never took the damn thing off!" Clutching her sides, she was pounding the floor. "No wonder Ty Lee was always so flexible!"

The Firelord shuddered. "It's not that funny. To this day my dreams often have a blue dragon representing dark desires and horrible fates. It-it talks in my sister’s voice."

This only made the General laugh harder. "So finish the story! You said it got worse!"

The Firelord nodded "So at this point, Ty Lee is staring at me, right? Azula can tell she's looking at something, but just before she turns around, the closet bursts open! The Earth King's bear falls out!"

The general's face scrunches up. "What?"

"That's what I was thinking! And my sister gets enraged. She starts screaming at Ty Lee. Literally spitting fire! She's just going 'You slut! You cheating furry slut! I'll kill you both!' "

The General's mouth dropped open "So Ty Lee… and Bosco?" She made a motion where she made a whole with one hand and plunged two straightened fingers in and out of said hole.

The Firelord shrugged "Apparently. Of course, at this point, she finally catches me out of the corner of her eye. Now, she's stomping over to me, and I just can't take my eyes off the 'dragon of the south' slithering over to me. I'm like a deer-frog caught in the lantern light here. And at this point, thank Agni, one of the Dai Li comes in, screaming that you guys and the Earth King escaped from the metal prison."

The General smiled "So I saved a lot of people that day." The Firelord nodded. “So what happened after that?"

"Well, after you guys got away, my sister's pretty satisfied, what with thinking she’s killed the Avatar, so she just makes some snarky comments about how she feels like bear hunting the next day in celebration. It’s probably good you took that bear with you. None of us actually talked about any of it beyond that. I think it was just too weird after the Dai Li guy came in. Oh, but later that night, my sister's on the earth King's throne, and she's whipped out the 'dragon of the south again, right after she gives me this whole speech about honor. Next thing I know she's called in this girl, Jo Dee. Girl had a creepy as hell smile on her face and a really wide mouth. So Azula's got her head shoved down into her lap, and there’s sucking noises. I think she was trying to get a reaction out of me."

The General was laughing again. "However did you avoid succumbing to temptation?"

The Firelord had a disgusted look on his face "Even if I had any inklings toward either of those woman, which believe me I did not, I was wrapped up in thinking about my uncle at that time. And my uncle gives one no associations with arousal."

The General smirked "Speak for yourself. Your uncle was a one man army. Hard and... rock-like. I always fancied a go at-"

The Firelord held up a hand. "Stop! Just... stop. Now. For the love of all things sacred in the world, do not finish that sentence!" He made exaggerated retching noises. "Huh. I always thought you had a thing for Sokka.”

The General had a large grin “Oh, him to. God, did I ever! Of course, once that Suki girl showed up, and it never did happen. I got farther with her then I ever did with him.” She sighed. “and in truth, I think I started something there. A few years back, she broke up with him.” The Firelord nodded, he’d heard about that. “I gave him this whole speech about how she was a follower, and him a leader, and the power structure of their authority levels made it unable to work. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.”

The Firelord raised an eyebrow. “What truth is that exactly?”

The General sighed. “That Ty Lee and her were sucking each others faces ever since she joined up. And other things. I guess Suki liked getting kissed by girls, and even his amazing Wang Fire couldn't keep her from turning lesbo.”

The Firelord ruefully shook his head. “Poor Sokka. His girlfriends are always turning into things.”

“Exactly why your Uncle was a good alternative.”

“Oh for Agni's sake, he was old! Grey and wrinkly old when you met him!

The General licked her lips. "So was King Bumi. Who's not only still the greatest warrior in Omashu, but can do amazing things with just his chin..."

The Firelord sprang up. "Gahhh! I need another drink to murder that mental image!"

The General grunted approval. "Get me some! Drunken oblivion is one way to forget naked old men and the proof your sister wants a penis!

The Firelord returned with a bottle in hand. "It does explain so... Hey. Fuck you, that's not funny."

The Firelord sounded nervous. The general, while he'd been procuring the bottle, had fashioned from her meteorite metal bracelet a small, shiny phallus, now stuck between the General's legs. It had the head of a badger on it.

"Come on Zuko. You know it's what you want. It’s just your buddy Toph, only better. You can call me Toph Bei Dong!"

The general got to her feet, and the Firelord backed away. “I’m serious. You get that fucking thing away from me.”

The general shook her head. “When I felt your ass before… it called to me Zuko. And the badgermoldildo, she has answered back. She has said ‘This hole, it was meant for me!’ And I must obey!” The general dashed at the Firelord.

Years of hardened battle training collapsed in a moment of pure terror, and the Firelord simply turned and ran. Laughing manically, the General gave pursuit around the room, wielding her masturbatory aid as if it was a stabbing weapon.

Finally, the Firelords inebriation combined with an ill-placed cushion resulted in his tripping down onto the ground, his rear sticking up. The general found herself the victim of the same fate, and she fell forward, her stone phallus in front of her…
The Firelord screamed as the head of the feared object struck him right in the tailbone. He flipped over in terror and pain, for a moment believing he had in fact been penetrated. “No Azula no!” he found himself screaming. A moment later, though still in some pain, the reality of the situation had hit him. The phallus lied at his side, he remained unentered. On her hands and knees in front of him, the General was laughing so hard she was starting to cough.

“STOP LAUGHING!” The Firelord angrily screamed. “You almost… up my… It’s not funny at all! It’s…” The General had, in fact, stopped laughing. And she was now crawling forward her hands and knees, now on top of him, looking him in… well, in the forehead actually. She was a bit off.

“You know something Zuko?”

The Firelord suddenly found himself very nervous. “What?”
The General gave a little grin. “I always had a bit of a crush on you too.” And with that, she bent her head down and kissed the Firelord.

Mind still racing on adrenaline and pain, the Firelords first thought, despite this, was to grab the badgerlmoldo and fling it away.. The general she lowered her hips onto his and starting wiggling them a bit, and his thoughts on anything other than how amazingly soft the muscular general felt emptied from his head. Despite the accusations of her notorious lack of hygene, the General, he noticed, smelled rather nice, in a musky sort of way. Her tongue on the other hand, burned as it slid into his mouth, a product of the imbibing this night that was in no small way responsible for this situation. Even this felt nice though.

Nonetheless, a nagging thought intruded into his head, one strong enough that he detached her mouth from his. “Toph, I haven’t… I mean, not since Mai…”

Toph gave a low whistle. “Damn. That would be a while then.”

He found himself trapped in a myriad of emotions. “It’s not that your… I mean, your... your beautiful." He was surprised to realize he'd thought that long before tonight, but was only now aware of it. "It’s just that she was… And I-“

The general kissed him again. “Ugh. Drama. You talk too damn much.” She placed a hand at his crotch. “Let's ask him.” The Firelord not only found himself letting her pull his pants down, but even lifting his hips a bit to make it easier.

The General gave a little cooing noise at what she found there. “Aw, Tiny Zuko, you feel so cute!”

The Firelord bristled. “I am neither cute nor tiny!”

The General kissed the head of the royal scepter, and the Firelords only response was a moan and a twitch. The General licked her lips. “He liked that.” Then, spitting on her hand a few times as well as his shaft, she grabbed the bottom of it and took the rest into her mouth.
Though moments ago the Firelord was cursing his dismissal of all his guards, leaving them unable to come to his aid, he was now glad for it, as he was making some rather loud noises that might have attracted attention.

The General stopped as quickly as she started, wiping her wet hand on his shirt. “Ew!” The Firelord exclaimed. “What was that?”
The General smiled in reply. “A bit gross?” She quickly pulled off her own pants. “So’s sex. It’s slimy and wet and sticky.” Kicking them away, she crouched down over him. “But I bet you want to fuck me now anyway, don't you?”

Already quite aroused (And more than a little tired of her to initiating all the activity up to this point), the Firelords response was to grab her hips and pull her down, rather harshly. The general was wet enough, but there was a gasp of pain form here as she was entered all at once and rather quickly. Her response was to laugh, “That’s the spirit!” Then, as they began rocking, the laughing subsided down to heavy breathing.

The General was surprised to find herself bouncing from the thrusts of the Firelords hips. Zuko had always been quite strong. And now it appeared he was making her pay for that “Tiny/cute” crack, as he was thrusting into her so hard she was actually lifted a bit up into the air before gravity made her fall back onto him. Or maybe he was just that hard up. Didn't matter. It was jarring and rough and kind of painful and she loved every second of it. Growling at him through her best predatory grin, she ripped at his chest, pulling his shirt open and digging her nails into hard pectoral muscles. His response was to dig his own fingers into her sides, now not simply relying on her own weight but pulling her back down into him with even greater gusto.

That got a moan out of the general. He was *good* at this. Mai must have liked it rough herself. She still felt a bit mischievous though, and so, she reached out for her nearby stone phallus.

The Firelord saw what she was doing, and quickly slapped her hand away. Hard. She made a noise of shock and shook her smarting wrist. “Nobody ever had the balls to do that before. Didn’t think it would be you.” She stuck her tongue out at him, and got a lighter slap across her face for that one.

She giggled, and smacked him much harder across his face back. Seeing where this was going, the Firelord grabbed her head by the back of her hair and smacked her again, much harder, in the rear this time. At the same point, she felt something contract in his manhood and felt a warmth entering her body. She moaned loudly, and began to shudder around him, crying out as she began her orgasm, gushing out as she rode it to its end, then collapsing on top of him. She found herself somewhat numb in the legs. Still, more then being tired she was a bit curious. “So, how was it after so many years?”

For his part, the Firelord was gasping hard for air, having been winded by his expenditure and the overall effort. “Marry me."
The General gasped, but then felt his face muscles tighten. He was smiling. And what’s more, He’d actually made a funny joke. She laughed. “You get some pussy, and manage to turn into a faggot! It was way too long for you!” The Firelord laughed with her.
She rolled off him at that point, and was pleasantly surprised to find his arms encircling her chest as he hugged her to him. “Seriously though… what was that? You getting to make good on one of your childhood crushes, that it?”

The General thought for a second. “Well, let’s face it. We’ve both drank a lot of wine at this point. We probably have not been using the best of judgment, and might feel a bit differently in the morning.” The Firelord nodded.

The General turned herself over, and kissed him quickly on the lips again. “Of course, by then I will have a massive hangover, and will want you to get me several more drinks. Your fancy Fire Nation water’s got nothing on real wine, but it aint that bad. You’ll just have to get me a lot though, to get liquored up again. I am supposed to be here for six more days, you know.”
The Firelord smiled. “I think I can arrange that.”