Lustful thoughts

The large shadow covered the light coming from outside,again. It’s only a dreams, he thought, a bads nightmare. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, or at least act like it was not happening. It was not that frequent, 3 months ago it started, usually when he was drunk or too tired to move.The shadow will come and embrace him, with strong warm arms....

The same shadow whispered something to his ear, he couldn’t understand a thing, he never did. The warm breath in his ear made him shiver....

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Day came, and he woke up early, even earlier than the rest of the band. He was so used to that. Walking trough the hallway, to the main room. It was Sunday, and that meaned cartoons. The bunny slippers made his characteristic sound –shas,shas,shas- he was feeling lazy and was dragging his feet.

The first one to made it to the couch was the cute teddy bear, it landed over Pickles head.

-F....Toki......im trying to sleep...- Pickles tossed the bear to one side and covered his head with the sheets –fuckin hangovers...-

-Sorries – Toki sat slowly close to Pickles, and turned the TV on, lowering the sound so it wouldn’t bother his friend. It was that channel were they aired old cartoons, Toki loved old cartoons “i nevers had chances of seeing thems when i was a kids” it was his pretext to always do that on Sundays.

He giggled at the sound of a “thud”,a “bang” and a “splash”.He was so absorbed in the adventures of the 2-D characters that he even noted when Skwisgaar came.

-Yous watchins that kids shits aganis?-

-Fuck yous- Toki answered without taking his eyes from the TV.

Skwisgaar didn’t replied, he never accepted these were the hours where he could have some of peace(no guitars,no fans,no work, no nothing, just sitting there and watch Toki watching cartoons).

He could be there for hours watching Toki,well, been Toki. The always changing colors of the TV reflecting in his face, Skwisgaar took a sip from his coffee(Duncan Hills Vanilla French with a bit of vodka),he stared at Toki's sharp jaw, he didn't look like a kid or teen at all. He was a grown up,a man, but still his personality said something else. He was not spoiled, like the rest of the band, there was something there that had been buried for long time. Skwisgaar left his coffee in the ground, a few strings of messy hair were covering Tokis' face,his long fingers move and tried to move them away but the reaction was not something Skwisgaar expected.

Toki was scared, he practically jumped from his seat, and moved away from Skwisgaar’s hand. His eyes were wide open and the smile had vanished from his face.

-I musts..goes...-

Suddenly he felt ill, Skwisgaar’s touch made him feel illl. It was wrong, too wrong. Toki bolted from the place to the nearest bathroom. His mouth was filling with that bitter flavor.

Skwisgaar took Toki's seat, and stared at the TV with an serious look "Whats what thats?"

Toki washed his face, no puking this time, he just felt ill. He overreacted, he panicked,he knew that and felt stupid.

Yous biggest idiots- Toki washed his mouth, the flavor was still there.

He was having some short of crisis.It all started months ago, when Skwisgaar announced him he was going to get a new tattoo

-I wants its in da nuckles-

Toki went silent, a tattoo? Skwisgaar had tattooes?

-Whats tatoos ares yous talkins about?-

-Whats? Ha! I mades me ones tattoos a month agos-Skwisgaar streched his leather pants enough to show something more than skin. –Heres looks-

Toki leaned closer, but something made him stop, yes, it was the “more than skin” thing. He gulped, and step away. –Sures..pretties...

Yous didn’ts looks at its –

Yes, i dids- Toki forced a smile –Musts---goes now.

That was one, but the next weeks were almost a nightmare. Everytime he saw that slim body, the piercings, the long blonde hair, lustful toughts came to his mind. Toughts of sweaty bodies and open mouths moaning in pleasure.

Toki threw up finally. He was thinking about it again, and thinking of that only made him hard.

Noes...nos, stops dats you dirtys mind! – He rubbed his forehead.Tokie sighed, and washed his mouth again, at least the flavour would leave for good.

That was his “gays crisis” as he would secretly called it. No one should ever know, ever. I wills takes care of this by myselfs,he said to himself months ago, and befores i knows it will gones.

But “gones” never came. Day after day he would have this recurrent wet dreams,day after day he would keep avoiding Skwisgaar so no more toughts of ripping his shirt and shagging him right there in the floor came to his mind.

Toki walked back to the main room ,maybe Skwisgaar was gone and he will finally would be able to watch his cartoons in peace.

The TV was still on, and it was the TMNT time. Toki, moved quickly “i haven’t seens that ones”. But then a voice came from his back

-Yous okeys?-

Toki turned back slowly.

He was there.

He was there. The bathrob looking quite large in that tall and slim body. Some strings of hair covering his face, the blue eyes looking directly at him.

-Yous okeys idiots?- Skwisgaar patted him in the head – Yous been actings weirdos this lasts weeks-

Toki gulped, he was touching his head!. The pressure down there in his pants was increasing. Please laves please leaves please leaves,Toki begged in his mind, pleases,or i won’ts be ables to holds backs.

Skwisgaar didn’t received an answer, only the silence.

-Wells..........im leavings- And so he did, maybe Toki was drunk? Skwisgaar had no idea.

Toki sighed with relief when he didn’t feel Skwisgaar touch in his head anymore, and heard the footsteps as the blonde tall hottness leave the room.....or that was what would surely happened if he hadn’t opened his mouth and said the four words that he will never forget.

-I wants to fucks you.-

Well five words.

-Oh shit.-

Those were the only words that came from Skwisgaar’s mouth.
Maybe Toki WAS drunk, you know, really wasted people tend to say and do weird stuff.

But no, he wasn’t.

Toki closed his eyes, maybe when he opened them again he would be in his bed wrapped in his warm sheets.No, he was still there. Skwisgaar’s face was a mixture of feelings: horror, surprise, anger,repulsion....

Skwisgaar slowly began to back off from Toki, this was weird, this was unexpected and he didn’t know how to react. How would you do? It’s not the same if those words come from a man, specially if this man is your friend. Finally he left, fast like an arrow.

Toki stood there for a while. In his mind a million toughts revolted.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.....i screws it, Toki grinched his teeth , now he wills tells everyones ims a big fuckings faggots.

-But im not faggots!-He yelled –I know im nots faggots!!!

But he knew his words were not that convincing, for Odin’s sake! He was having an erection just for seeing him in a bathrope! Fast and angry he walked back to his room, a Sunday screwed by his big mouth and those annoying toughts and feelings.

Feelings? Yes, Toki knew that aside from that strange lust there was this feeling. He couldn’t helped, everytime Skwisgaar was close his heart beated really fast,it was close to that feeling of excitement one gets on those big rides but ten times better, a million times better!

There should be a way to fix that. Talk to him? Talk?

-Oh, be mans a do its- He buried his face in his pillow – I wish i coulds chokes myself to deaths....-

-knock-knock-

Toki raised his head quickly (he left the door open).-Fucks.- And there was Skwisgaar,arm crossed leaning to the frame of the door.

-Yous gays, isn’t it?- he asked,looking so serious.

-Noes...- Toki muttered –I’m nots...gays.-

-Thens was what thats?!-Skwisgaar lost his temper and yelled –Tells me what was thats? Dont you evers comes to me closers!.

Pressure, that would be the best description of what Toki felt in his chest.

-I don’t does whatevers you does, you fuckins....- He kicked a table near him, making some plane models fall to the ground.Skwisgaar closed and rubbed his eyes, like they were hurting badly.

The pressure was still there, right in the middle, it was not so physical...more sentimental.Toki sighed.

-I’m nots gays....- He bowed his head – I now im nots...buts...

-Howe muchs times have you been....?- Skwisgaar pressed his lacrimal glands.

-Months-he said in a low voice.

The silence between the two was unbearable.This was the real life, not a soap opera, and real life things don’t work as one expect.

-Is....-Before Toki could even form a sentence, a big fist met his face.Skwisgaar was angry,he again left the place, no words, just a hit in someone’s face.

Toki rubbed his jaw, at least he didn’t go for the nose. Tomorrow he will have to come with a pretext for the big bruise. Toki sat in the floor, and closed his eyes-his jaw throbbing from the pain- and decided to think what was wrong with him.He was still feeling this pressure in his chest,Skwisgaar words really hurted him.

Did he really came out of the closet? Had he been like that,like forever...?

Once again the toughts came to mind. Toughts of the slim body,crawling in his bed with movements like the ones from a cat.Deep blue eyes looking at him, just him and no one else.Toki couldn’t hold it anymore, he closed the door with one foot, and uzipped his pants.

Toki was already hard,he grabbed his member and started to jerk off. More images of Skwisgaar flashed in his mind, this time more explicit, this time more wild.Skwisgaar licking his lips with lust,Skwisgaar touching himself, Skwisgaar in his fours beggin in a soft voice to "take him now". Toki left a couple of moans escape, as he jerked faster.Finally after a few minutes he came.

Toki cleaned the cum in his hand and his stomach with some dirty clothes he found around.Then he realized this was the first time he jerked off...thinking of that,thinking of Skwisgaar.

He zipped his pants, and climbed back to his bed.

-Maybes...maybes i ams...- Toki hugged his teddy bear,ignoring the pain in his jaw – After alls...maybes i ams....-

He felt asleep repeating that sentence over and over again.

To be continue.....