The Naked Truth

Office hours were from 10 to 4, so once Janine’s workday was through, she went up to the rec room to watch TV. “Peter’s not getting extra work out of me just because I’m staying here!” she’d insisted to Egon, who’d taken a break from his research to eat a quick dinner with her.

“Of course not, Janine. We certainly don’t get any extra work out of him. Just tell him that if he gives you a hard time.”

She remembered Peter’s reaction to the mention of his girlfriend’s name and tried desperately not to take Egon’s last statement out of context. She went into the kitchen and fixed herself a cup of tea with a splash of Smirnoff to calm her nerves. She settled on the couch and started watching an Audrey Hepburn movie.

Janine was soon feeling less skittish about the day’s events. In fact, she started to find the whole thing rather amusing. It was bitter irony that Egon was the only one who didn’t give her an eyef “Wh “What a shame,” she muttered.

Her pleasant reverie was abruptly cut short when she heard Egon’s voice carry from the lab. As calmly as one greets the mailman, he said “Oh fuck.”

Then came the explosion.

The firehouse shook with the force. Janine raced up the stairs to the lab.

“Egon! Egon, are you all right?” She ran into the lab, the first to arrive, with the footfalls of the others coming up the stairs from the garage.

Upon entering the lab, Janine let out a strangled gasp, then a scream of frustration.

“Oh, come on!” she exclaimed. “What the fuck is up today?!?”

Egon was unconscious, and very nearly naked. The blast that had ripped the lab apart had also ripped most of his clothes off. Janine pushed aside her discomfiture and knelt by Egon, touching her fingers to his throat, checking for a pulse. It was strong and steady. Egon’s eyes fluttered then opened.

“Juh . . . Janine?”

“Just lie still. I’m right here.”

“What happened?”

“You had a little explosion. Are you hurt?” She looked down at his body and was shocked to see a very erect “Spengler Juni Sh She didn’t mean to stare, but she couldn’t help it. Egon’s eyes focused some, and he realized that Janine was staring down at his torso with wide, haunted eyes. Wanting to see the damage for himself, he pushed his glasses back into place, as they had fallen askew in the blast. He looked down at himself to see if he was hurt. Maybe he didn’t feel it due to shock.

“Janine, do you see some . . . thing?” And with that, he learned the true meaning of the word shock. He was caught. Janine had that effect on him almost everyday. He hid it well, crossing his legs or standing behind things. There was nowhere to hide now, not even behind his clothes.

Janine looked back at Egon’s face with wide eyes. They stared at each other for a moment.

That’s when the other three guys arrived.

“What the hell?” Winston shouted.

“Oh . . . my.” Ray babbled.

Peter quirked a brunette brow at them and smirked. “Look if you two wanted some privacy, all you had to do was ask.”

“Peter! We . . . I . . .” Janine screeched, mortified beyond the ability to form coherent phrases.

“I assure you that this was an innocent mistake,” Egon remarked lightly. He got up and grabbed a physics textbook to cover himself with.

“Sure it was. You know, you’re making a bad habit of these ‘innocent mistakes’, Melnitz.”

Janine’s face turned nearly the color of her hair. “Bastard! Who the hell told you to do laundry in the buff anyway?” ‘Uh oh. Did I just say that?’ she thought. Winston and Ray stared at her in wide-eyed amazement at that admission. Egon’s passive expression quickly changed to one of mild annoyance.

“I always wash the clothes I’m wearing with my last load when I do laundry on the weekends. That way I have something to change into when I’m done.”

“Well, I don’t work on the weekends,” Janine defended herself staunchly.

“That’s why I do that on the weekends.” Peter shrugged off her sensible statement. “Besides, no one told you to come down there anyway.” Peter grinned wickedly.

“You did, you jerk! You said to come tell you when Theresa called!” Peter’s smile faded, much to Janine’s satisfaction. But it was a brief triumph. It wasn’t over yet.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t tell you to come into the bunkroom while I was changing,” Ray chimed in bitterly. He wasn’t taking it well, and he’d been acting all day as if he blamed her. Like she’d done it on purpose or something! Worst of all, now Egon lookore ore than just a little upset.

“I didn’t know Ray! Slimer said you were in the bunkroom. He didn’t say anything about you being naked!”

“Don’t blame Slimer!” he shouted.

“I’m not!” she yelled in response. “I’m just saying don’t blame me either!”

“Geez Louise, Janine! The only one you haven’t seen naked today is Winston,” Peter laughed.

Winston’s eyes got huge, and he paled. Janine lowered her eyes and winced.

Peter looked at the two of them critically. “Correction: the only one you haven’t seen naked today is Slimer!” He then fell down on the floor laughing until he was gasping for oxygen.

“WHAT!” Egon bellowed. He looked furiously at Winston, Ray and Peter. For a man who didn’t usually give Janine a second glance, he sure did the jealousy thing really well.

Ray stared at Janine with unmitigated disgust. She flinched at his censorious glare.

“It was an accident. I walked in on him in the bathroom in the middle of the night.” Janine looked around at her guys, her expression pleading for understanding. She didn’t like what she saw on any of their faces. Egon was in a jealous rage, Peter was gloating smugly, Ray was reproachful, and Winston looked absolutely mortified. None of them would meet her gaze, not even Peter, who must not have been enjoying this as much as he was putting on.

Janine sighed pitifully and stood up. “It was an accident,” she whispered once more, and then left the lab. She went downstairs, got her purse, and quickly packed her overnight bags. She called her sister Monica in New Jersey, and headed out to her car. Monica was going to let her stay until she could go home to her own apartment. At least there, she would only have to deal with another female, and a relative at that.

She looked back up at the stairs. A swell of righteous indignation overcame her. “FUCKING BACHELORS!” she exclaimed loudly as she slammed the firehouse door behind her.