Memories from Western Airtemple

Memories from Western Air Temple

Chapter 42

How I Feel

When Aang came to, the first thing he noticed was that he had a very painful headache. After that became the realization that he was laying down in the shade of a tree, and lastly he noted that Zuko was right there next to him, and that brought all the memories back. He remembered the terrified realization and the kiss-induced illness that had sent him into unconsciousness.

“You’re awake, thank the Spirits.” Immediately Zuko was supporting him, helping him sit up, all the while mumbling apologies in a steady mantra.

“It’s alright, Zuko.” Aang really did not want to see Zuko freaking out when he himself felt like he was losing grip. “I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately. You surprised me and I guess my mind couldn’t keep up.”

Zuko’s expression was hard, unreadable. But there was pain in his golden eyes. “I’m really sorry about that.” The older boy’s voice was quiet, almost a whisper. “I swear I’ll never do anything of the sort again.”

“I didn’t say I minded!” Aang hurried to reassure the other, but Zuko did not look convinced.

“Of course you wouldn’t say something like that but it’s very obvious that if I made you terrified enough to lose consciousness, then I really shouldn’t have done what I did.”

“I said I was stressed!” Aang snapped, not about to let the other just refuse to listen to him. “It’s not easy having the weight of the whole world on your shoulders!”

“I know that!” Zuko buried his face in his hands. “That’s why…that’s why I wanted to show you that you have my complete support, that you’re not alone.” The hands slid down Zuko’s face, revealing the other’s hesitant eyes. “I’m not asking anything, or even expecting anything. I just want you to know.”

“Know what?” Aang didn’t think he really had to hear this; he could think of only one reason for Zuko to kiss him, no matter how chastely.

Zuko took his hands off his face to grasp Aang’s hands within his own. The hold was secure, like the other was afraid Aang would run away from what he was about to say.

“I love you, Aang.” Zuko was silent for many moments after that, apparently as disbelieving as Aang over what he had just spoken. “All I want, or need, is your friendship. I would never try to pressure you into anything, believe that.” Zuko’s expression was desperate and Aang understood, understood Zuko’s fear of losing anyone he cared about. “I just thought you deserved to know. You have my unwavering support and unconditional love. I’d d-” The firebender stopped himself there, for reasons unknown to Aang, and released his hold on the Avatar. “You can go now.”

“But Zuko.” Aang tried to move closer to the other, only to have Zuko back away from him. “My response-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Zuko cut him off, standing up as his hands came to cover his face again. “As I said, I only wanted you to know; you don’t have to do anything for me.”

“That’s not fair!” Aang jumped up, glaring at the older boy. “I have the right to speak my mind.”

“Fine, then do so.” Zuko’s tone was defeated, broken. “Just, not right now. Give it some time, some thought, and only say what you absolutely think you want to say.” The golden eyes refused to meet Aang’s gaze. “I really don’t think I can even hear what you have to say now."

“But, Zuko, it’s the same for me.” Aang tried to touch Zuko, but the other turned away from him. “Listen to me! I’m not rejecting you!”

“You’re still misunderstanding me.” Now Zuko sounded angry. He also looked the part when he revealed his face to Aang, his good eye narrowed to match his scarred one. “I’d do anything for you. I’d die for you, I’d kill for you.” The other looked malicious all of a sudden, almost insane, and Aang stepped back in fright. Zuko laughed.

“Now you see? No, Aang, you can’t love me, not the way I do you.” The firebender smiled, but there was something twisted about it, it wasn’t beautiful anymore. “But it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to. So just run off and be with someone better suited for you, someone not as…” Zuko never spoke the last word, a small mercy, and then turned around once more to walk away.

Aang did not stop him this time.

To be continued…

Author’s notes: I can guess what everyone’s thinking. Something along the lines of “What the hey?” probably.