The End Justifies

The End Justifies

part 1

            The object of his desire was completely clueless.

            Donatello wished he had a more profound way of explaining the situation to himself, but that was the best that he could do.  It was simple and to the point and maybe that was better after all.

            Somewhere within the last six months, Don had come to be hyperaware of his brother Raphael.  Everything about him; his touch, his scent, his glorious body, even the sound of his voice suddenly became the center of Don’s world.  Raph became the focus of Don’s universe.

            When he thought about it hard enough, Donatello was pretty sure his obsession began the night Bishop captured the four brothers.  Before the Fugitoid was removed by General Blanque, the table that Raphael was strapped to was directly across from Don’s.

            Don watched as his brother strained his massive muscles against the restraints, trying desperately to break the bonds.  The look of determination and stubborn defiance on Raph’s face was mesmerizing.  Don couldn’t turn his eyes away.

            Even when Bishop was menacing their youngest brother, Don found himself stealing glances at Raph.  Raphael’s golden eyes glittered under the fluorescent lights; all of his raw, elemental power helpless against the straps holding him to the table.

            Don’s dark orbs raked over his brother’s body and a voice from somewhere deep inside his mind whispered to him, “What would it be like  . . . ?”

            Struggling to push that thought aside and to concentrate on the menace at hand, the mental image of a helpless Raphael writhing under him came unbidden into Don’s mind.  He could almost feel the racing beat of Raph’s pulse against his hands as he worked to ride his brother’s animalistic fury.

            Donatello began to think he might be going mad.  He couldn’t concentrate on his work; making stupid mistakes that fortunately he caught before anyone else noticed.  Yet.  How long would it be before they did?  Or before he made an error that cost his family dearly?

            He was the answer guy; the one everyone else came to when a solution for a problem was required.  If he could figure out what to do for them, why couldn’t he find an answer for his own particular dilemma?

            It wasn’t as though he could go to Raph and say, “Hey bro’, I’m suddenly having these crazy sexual desires and fantasies and by the way they’re about you.  I was wondering if you’d let me have my way with you.”

            Nope, that wouldn’t work at all.  Any of a number of scenarios came to mind if he were to make a confession like that.  In the first, Raph would stare at him as though he’d just grown a second head and then start laughing.  In the second, Raph would hit him so hard he wouldn’t wake up for three days.

            In the third, Raph would grab him and drag him straight to Master Splinter.  Don was positive he’d rather get punched in the face.

            In the fourth scenario, Raph would drag him straight to Leonardo.  Don could just hear the beginning of that conversation.

            “Hey, Leo!  Guess what, I ain’t the most fucked up turtle in the lair anymore.”

            That fourth scenario included Mikey rushing to find out what all the excitement was about.  At that point in his imagination, Don would knock himself out.

            In the fifth scenario, Raph would crush Don in his arms and express a return desire for his brother, lavishing Donatello with kisses hot enough to sear his skin.

            The last was the least undesirable of the bunch, but it was still far from what Donatello daydreamed about.  Don didn’t want a storybook consensual relationship with the brother who he was sure would always insist on being in control of their couplings.  He didn’t want a normal give and take type of pairing full of tiny stolen moments of passion.

            Don’s mind was filled with images of overpowering his larger, vastly stronger brother and completely dominating him.  Donatello wanted Raphael to fight him as Don took control of the hot head’s will and his body.  The genius wanted to hear Raph’s deep, vibrant voice ordering and then finally begging Don to stop touching him.

            Gritting his teeth, Don leaned over and banged his head against his keyboard.  It was late and everyone was in bed; the lair dark and silent.  The obsession filling Donatello’s brain was getting so bad that he couldn’t even sleep anymore.

            At first, the fantasy had been mild enough that jerking off gave Don the release necessary to get some much needed rest.  Even that wasn’t working anymore; his orgasm would leave him panting and even more exhausted, but there was no mental relief.

            His racing mind couldn’t let go of the images of a helpless Raphael strapped down and open for anything Donatello wished to do to him.  It had gotten to the point that only moments after climaxing, Donatello would be rock hard and desperate again.

            Cursing himself for what he was sure had to be a twisted mental illness, Don returned to searching the internet for some kind of solution to his mind numbing problem.  Granted, he and his brothers were not normal, but he was sure their mutation wasn’t responsible for his horrible, sick need to rape one of his brothers.

            Every site he visited recommended he seek therapy.  Don could only laugh.  Therapy from who exactly?  That wasn’t a viable option.  The thought crossed his mind that he should approach Master Splinter about this and seek his guidance and counsel.

            Don shied away from that idea quickly.  He did not want to spend the remainder of his life turning to find his Father’s suspicious and watchful eyes on him, even if together they found a way to overcome Don’s overpowering fixation.

            Racing through pages of psychological dogma, Don reviewed text he’d already been over a hundred times.  Nothing helped him.  He finally started clicking on the numerous news articles and research papers that had been written about sexual deviants, hoping to find something there that would snap him back to reality.

            After an hour or so, Don slowly started to sit up, his tired eyes widening slightly.  He’d found a story that began to make some sense to him; an article that was proving to be more useful than anything he’d read to date.

            Donatello realized he was going about dealing with his desires incorrectly.  He had spent months torturing himself when the solution was very simple and straightforward.

            It wasn’t that Donatello needed to relinquish his compulsion.  He just needed to find a way to have Raph without his brother’s knowledge.

TBC……