I feel Funny.

*Play Doug theme and zoom in towards Funny House*

*beat boxing fades out as the scene of Doug writing in his diary fades in*

As Doug is writing in his diary, you hear his inner monolog.

"Today is picture day at the school, and I've got a huge zit on my face! I can't believe it! I've been using acne blast ever

sense I knew when school picture day was! Patti will never want to go to the spring time dance with me!"

At that moment, his best friend Skeeter opened his door.

"Honk-Honk! Hey Doug! You ready for picture day?" said Skeeter in his usual whimsical and nasal tone.

"It's terrible Skeeter! I've got a huge zit on my face! Everyone will call me Doug "Zit-man" Funny!" Doug pleaded
pathetically.

Doug then plunged further into despair, his imagination getting away with him, as it always did.


A group of his classmates had gathered around him, and as it was raining heavily and bolts of white hot lightening came down

around him, the male students were urinating on him and calling him various names including but not limited to; Zit-man,

Zit-Face, Zit-dick, Pimple tits, and diary keeping faggot. The female students just sort of watched and laughed casually.

Then they all started chanting "Zit-man! Zit-man! Zit-man!" while closing in around him moving in unison. Through the stream

of neon yellow liquid Rodger was bestowing upon Doug, he caught a glimpse of Patti, who was laughing maniacally between

chants of "Zit-Man!" while bolts of menacing lightening crashed behind, her hands raised and fingertips gnarled into

grotesque and twisted forms"


That's when Skeeter's voice snapped Doug out of it.


"Doug, are you all right?! Honk-Honk! We need to get to class or we'll be late!"

"No, Skeeter! I'm not alright! I'll be the laughing stock of the whole school!"

"We'll here, take this Doug, it will cure it right away. Honk-Honk!" as Skeeter held out his hand after rummaging in his

pocket.

"What is it?" Doug asked suspiciously.

"It's acne medication, I take it all the time, it's prescription! Honk!"

"But it's illegal to take other people's medication Skeeter! We could go to jail!"

"Honk-Honk! Do you want Rodger to take Patti Mayonnaise to the spring time dance or what? Honk-Honk-Honk!"

And at that moment an image of Patti slurping on the the tiny green member of Rodger Klotz in the school bathroom crossed his
mind and made him extremely nauseated, although he felt his pants stiffen as well, which only made him more nauseated.


"Okay,Let's go" said Doug triumphantly, after he swallowed the unmarked pill without water, and opened his bedroom door.


Little did they know, Skeeter's baby brother Dale, had switched his medication with MDMA. Little did the Valentines know,

Dale was making money on the side by trafficking in drugs from Mexico inside his colon. Little did Dale know, he was about to
be assassinated by a local mafia, for encroaching on their territory.


After Doug had arrived at school, which was roughly thirty minutes after he had left home, he hustled to the bathroom to

relieve himself, as he had suddenly acquired the need to urinate furiously. After unbuckling his pants, a furious stream of

urine erupted from his penis, blasting the wall and nearby floors of the stalls on each side. "Oh God! This is the most

amazing feeling ever!" Doug thought to himself. A sharp and angry voice erupted from the stall to the right. "Hey! You're

pissing all over my feet!" It was Rodger! Doug quickly checked to make sure the door was locked, but much to his dismay

realized the latch was broken, as it always is in the restrooms of public schools which are poorly funded. He quickly stood

on top of the toilet, hoping that Rodger just might leave, and wouldn't notice his shoes, the pair which he wore everyday to

school.


Roger opened the stall door quickly, pretended to wash his hands, and then slowly opened the door to the school hallway. He

stayed inside the bathroom next to the hallway door, in hopes of catching whoever it was and giving them the indian rope burn
of a life time. He waited quietly for several minutes. Doug sighed in relief as he assumed Rodger had left, and noticed that

in the confusion of hiding, his penis was still hanging out of his tighty-whites. He gave it a soft stroke from the tip of

the shaft to the base, and cooed with delight. It fluttered in response. He continued to stroke his shaft with a single

finger tip and before long, it had grown into a rigid vein ivory tower of power. After about three minutes of stroking his

cock much to his delight, precum was starting to form at the tip, a pearly white drop of ecstasy. Doug had grown quite dizzy,
and thinking himself alone, sat down on the toilet and pulled his pants and underwear to his ankles. Given his underwear was

on the outside of his pants by this time, and he had tied his belt around his head.


Rodger saw the feet hit the bathroom floor, and took this time to strike, hoping to catch the assailant in a compromising

position, which would not only give him the upper hand in a fight, but make the experience all the more embarrassing for the

shoe-pisser.



He ripped the bathroom door open, and shouted "I'm going to cream you!" in his most intimidating growl. At that moment Doug

climaxed, teeth clenched and eyes dilated, sending a piercing white arrow of sticky num num juice all over Rodger's leather

jacket and face. Rodger did his best to keep his cool, and slowly wiped the semen off his face with his jacket sleeve,

knowing that Doug was still trapped. With his other hand he pulled a switch blade out of his pants pocket, immediately opened
it, and waited for Doug to say something. Doug was frozen in fear, and Rodger saw the glint of his blade glisten in his eyes,
a tiny star of light in a sea of black terror. Doug pleaded "Please! Please! I didn't mean to!" Rodger looked at him stone

faced, as some of Doug's semen dripped off his chin. Doug said in a pathetic tone "I'll do anything." Rodger paused for a

moment to think, but Doug was already on his knees unbuckling Rodger's belt.


At this exact moment, mafia hitmen stormed into the valentine residence and mutilated Dale to death with samurai swords.

After Dale had died of blood loss and fear, they each took turns ejaculating inside what was left of his male orifice, which

somewhat resembled bleeding raw hamburger roughly shaped in what may have be an anus. Joe, Dale and Skeeter's father, got

home hours later from work to find a mix of blood and semen pooled in his carpet, and although he didn't recognize him, what

he assumed to be his youngest son. He became so infuriated that he completely forgot what he had just discovered, and went to
the local sports bar chain to get wasted and grope the waitresses.