Dirty Old Man

Summary: Part of Shego’s job as Drakken’s employee is to help him out of sticky situations. But there are certain lines even she won’t cross.

A/N: So… my muse, in all its randomness, decided to spit out this little one-shot about Drakken and Shego’s father-daughter relationship. It came about when I was making fun of Failte… go figure. That will make more sense once you read the story.

Enjoy.

Dirty Old Man
a Kim Possible fanfic
by Jonathan Harrison
aka beeftony

“Shego! Can you help me in here?!” The exclamation was not an uncommon one. The main reason Drakken had hired Shego was to help him out of certain situations. He couldn’t even open a pickle jar without her around.

Shego sighed and got up from filing her nails. One of the reasons she put up with that blue doofus was because there was never a dull moment with him. Not all of those moments were pleasant, but working for Drakken was never boring.

Reaching the end of the hall, Shego punched in the access code for Drakken’s door. The cry for help had come through the intercom, and while she usually let the henchmen handle these sorts of things, he had sounded kind of desperate. Not to mention that he asked for her specifically.

As soon as the door hissed open, she suddenly wished she had just let the henchmen handle this… though they probably would have died from the shock. There, in the middle of the room, was Dr. Drakken, completely naked.

Shego thanked her lucky stars that she had been spared the sight of his private parts, but shuddered when she realized the reason: blocking her view of Drakken’s penis and testicles was an inflatable latex replica of one Kimberly Anne Possible.

She sputtered for several moments before finding her voice. “Where the fuck did you get that?!” she screeched.

Ashamed, Drakken refused to make eye contact with her but replied softly, “Internet. You really can buy anything on eBay.”

The expression of pure disgust on Shego’s face made her look like a Picasso painting. “And you got it because…?” She let the sentence hang there.

“Um, would you believe trying to enact my revenge on Kim Possible via voodoo?” the blue scientist explained pathetically.

“Because you’re afraid she’d kick your sorry ass into the next millennium if you actually tried to rape her?” Shego said flatly, crossing her arms in a disapproving motion. “That’s low, Dr. D. Real low. Even lower than the wheelchair incident.”

Drakken looked like a kid who had just been caught grooming the dog with matches. “I know,” he said quietly. “It doesn’t seem to be working anyway.”

“How’d you get stuck in there anyway?” Shego asked curiously.

“Well, I had it on good authority that piercing one’s noodle was all the rage these days,” explained Drakken.

“…” said Shego.

“You could at least say something,” Drakken prompted her.

“That… ‘good authority’ wouldn’t happen to be your cousin Ed, would it?” Shego asked with trepidation.

Drakken blinked. “Well yes, actually. Why do you ask?”

“No reason….” Shego turned around and walked out of the room, the events she just witnessed having rendered her catatonic.

“Shego wait!” Drakken called out after her. “I still need your help here! SHEGO!”
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Wow, that’s got to be my shortest piece EVER. But random ideas usually are. Concepts like this are best kept to a minimum anyway. Hopefully the hate mail will be minimal as well. Hope I didn’t scar you too much.

beeftony