Gyp D. Peoples Porno Show

[Setting: A live studio in Alabama, resonant of Jay Leno, except that it somehow gives the image of a sleazy club. Perhaps it's the dying potted plants, or just the tattered and patched couch, but the place can give you a vibe that says, "I'm poor but I want to score anyway. Fortuantly, instead of a [lousy] bachelour pad, it's instead a "talk-show host's live studio." This is inaccuarte. For one thing, the episodes were not actually live, per se, somuchas they were recorded, edited to show the audience reacting (the real "live" audience was dumped after the second season when the producer finally caught on that the audience would only boo the guests until they took off their clothes, which never really happened, so the host and guests actually walked off the set in disgust during episode #4, which aired, incidently as just a blank studio.) For another thing, the "talk-show" was more of a "recount-your-dirty-stories-for-the-viewers-to-jack-off-to show." Not exactly your childs television, but it worked (kinda) for a porno channel. And Public Broadcasting, of course, assuming that they label it as "The Birds and the Bees Explained", or somthing like that. Either way, Gype Peoples, host of "Gype D. Peoples etc. etc. you've already read the title, I've already forgotten it, and it's really not important." Velma of Scooby Doo, low on money, is forced to take some pretty lousy jobs, and this isn't the worst one. It's just the one that's most interesting. The camera is focused on the table.]

Gype: [Mechanically, as if rehearsed badly] Hello, and welcome back... To my show! [Canned Applause] I'm the host with the most... Uh... [Opens the top drawer of his desk, takes out an index card, and starts reading it aloud, slowly and with great difficutly, occasionally misprouncing words]..Gi-Puh... Duhhhhhh.... Pee...ohhhhh...pleaze? Uh... Never mind [throws index card over his shoulder, hitting a picture of superman, which falls to the floor and shatters, being made of cheap particle board]. Woah! I mean... Uh... Well... Hm... Here's our first guest, uh... Hard to prounounce.. The letters keep bouncing around like my wife... Hm... W-E-E-E-E-E-L-N-A.... Welna? Sounds like that cartoon character, Velma, from Scooby Doo! I'd like to meet her someday. Maybe I could have the producer set it up. [Turns to the left and speaks to someone offscreen] Merv, can you put down that bottle for a minute? Okay, do you think you could get Velma on this show? What? My right? [Faces right, and the camera moves back and you can see Velma on the couch. He laughes, turns around, and makes an Okay symbol with his hands and winks] Good service, Merv! You'll go far in this company! What? No, I haven't been drinking your stuff. High? I don't think so, unless you mean high on life. What? Well same to you! [Gype faces his right towards Vlema] So, hot stuff, wanna get it on?
Velma: Umm... How about no?
Gype: Oh, right, after the show.
Velma: Umm.. Maybe not.
Gype: We can do it right there on that couch.
Velma: Umm.. Still a no.
Gype: Great, great. Can't wait.
Velma: I have mace, you know.
Merv: [From offstage] Trust me, it doesn't work. He thinks that tastes good.
Velma: I will not ask how you know that.
Gype: Obviously, you're on this show to reveal dirty secrets from your past for our viewers.
Merv: Viewer.
Gype: Woah! We have a viewer today!?!?
Merv: Opps. Never mind, he was just channel surfing.
Gype: Ah damn. Oh well. We'll just make money from the syndication.
Velma: You're syndicated? Don't you need a hundred episodes for that?
Gype: Don't worry. We have plenty of sin, and dicks. Haven't had the ated part though, thanks be to god.
Velma: Er... Right.
Gype: You know that when we do it on that couch, you can't eat mine, right? I don't go for the BDSM shit.
Velma: In your dreams.
Gype: Yep. Twice a night.
Velma: I'm going to be ill.
Gype: Well, I don't wanna fuck a sick bitch. Suck it up.
Velma: Look, do you want me to tell you the story, or what?
Gype: Is "What" a good solid fucking?
Velma: No, it isn't.
Gype: Damn. Oh well. Let's hear your spiel.
Velma: Well, it all started in Vermont....

[Oh! Here's a good place to do a chapter break. I'm just gonna grab some ice cream, and then get back to work. Expect more very soon!]a