Movie Parodies: South Park Style

The Colorado Drill Disaster

DISCLAIMER/AN: SP characters aren't mine. I hope that's good enough for you all. Leatherface isn't mine, but the guy that's a parody of him, Meathead, is. So is the truck driver. Sorry this took me so long to post, but I've been busy with some personal stuff offline and haven't had much time to write.

CAST

Wendy Testaburger
Timmy
Kyle Broflovski
Bebe Stevens
Kenny McCormickeatheathead"
Chef
Mark Cotswald
Truck driver

(SCENE: A van. The vehicle, being driven by Kenny McCormick, cruises down a lonely Colorado road. The girls, Wendy and Bebe, sit in the back, talking to Kyle, and Timmy. Timmy is in his wheelchair.)

KYLE: So, where exactly are we headed now?

BEBE: (sighs) Like I've told you for the millionth fucking time, sweetas, we're going to my grandpa's place to chill for the afternoon.

KENNY: (from the front seat) (Hey, maybe while we're there, Me, Kyle, and Timmy can have a house orgy with you two chicks!)

TIMMY: (happily, liking the idea) TIMMAH!

BEBE: (frowns) I don't think so, Kenny.

KENNY: (goddamnit!!)

(They pull to the side of the road, because there's a hitchhiker, Mark Cotswald, standing there, looking like a loon.)

WENDY: Okay, guys. Let's screw all common sense by letting this scary looking maniac ride in the van with us.

MARK: (getting in) Hey, I'm not crazy! I only look scary because the author of this lame-ass parody made me that way!

WENDY: This is a parody?

TIMMY: TIMMAH!!

(Mark gets upset, and cuts Timmy's arm with a razor blade.)

TIMMY: Ow! TIMMAH!!!

(Mark gets tossed out of the van. He runs alongside the vehicle as Kenny and the others try to zoom off Fast and The Furious style, but since their van's a rickety old piece of crap, they fail miserably. The side of the van plows into Mark, knocking him onto his back on the road, and the back wheels run over his head. AN: I hate Mark, in case you don't know that yet.)

MARK: Arrrgghhhhhh!!!

(Some old creepy house. The gang pulls up and each get out of the van. Bebe and Kyle look at Timmy.)

BEBE: Isn't there supposed to be a river around here?

TIMMY: TIMMAH!!

KYLE: Never mind, Bebe. By some miraculous sense of ESP, even though I've never been here, I know that there's a trail to the river directly between the two old sheds behind the house. How amazing.

BEBE: Maybe when we get there, we can change our minds about swimming, and go poke our noses on someone's property where we don't belong?

KYLE: Okay.

(They do so, and, while Bebe waits outside, Kyle enters a strange house, which looks remarkably like the Krueger house, in my humble opinion. Suddenly, meathead, a large man wearing cooked hamburger over his face like a weird mask, appears and whacks him across the head with a sledgehammer.)

KYLE: Oof... Ow... (dies)

(Bebe enters, and meathead grabs her, carrying the poor girl into a deranged-looking kitchen and impaling her on a rusted hook. Bebe naturally screams. Meathead grabs a electric drill and starts cutting up Kyle's body, which is lying on the table.)

BEBE: (In-between screams and over the sound of the drill.) Excuse me, Mr. Creepy looking killer guy, but could you get this hook outta me, please?

(Same house, later. Kenny enters.)

KENNY: (Hello? Kyle? Bebe? You guys here?)

(Meathead appears and swings that sledgehammer at him. Kenny dodges quickly, causing the killer to miss and accidentally whack himself instead.)

KENNY: (runs for the door) (HOLY SHIT!!)

(Meathead flings the weapon, catching Kenny in the back of the head. The boy hits the wall face first and slides to the floor.)

KENNY: (before he dies, since Stan and Kyle aren't here to say it) You killed me... You bastard... Urgg... Jack Daniels... (dies)

(The van, night. Wendy and Timmy are standing around, waiting for the others to return.)

WENDY: This is strange, Timmy. Why did I wait until nightfall to start worrying about their whereabouts, when realistically, I should've started looking for them hours ago?

TIMMY: TIMMAH! Livin' a lie!

WENDY: (sighs) Come on, let's go. (starts pushing Timmy down the path Kyle and Bebe took earlier. Suddenly, meathead shows up and buries the drill into Timmy's face. Wendy screams and runs, leaving poor Timmy behind.)

TIMMY: Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! TIMMAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

(Wendy runs to meathead's house, and Mark shows up out of nowhere, grabbing the girl. Chef helps him.)

(Scene, the dining room. Dead bodies are lying around the room and some are even sitting at the table. It's like the dinner party from hell. Meathead, Mark, and Chef watch the girl hungrily.)

WENDY: Lemme go! Lemme go, please!!

MARK: No way, bitch. Not after what you guys did to me, flattening my head like that.

(Suddenly, a mack truck plows through the house, running Mark down, and crushing him under the wheels. Chef and meathead and unharmed, jumping out of the way.)

MARK: Goddamnit, not again! (dies)

(Wendy gets free and runs. Meathead runs after her, when the truck's door opens, hitting him in the head. Meathead goes down hard. The driver gets out.)

T. DRIVER: Sorry. My brakes were shot.

WENDY: (screaming bloody murder) GET UT OUT OF HERE!

(Before Chef or meathead can do anything, Tru Truck driver pushes Wendy inside the front seat of the truck, and setting the truck in reverse, quickly speeds off. Meathead grabs his drill, and dances around the room with it. Suddenly, a piece of debris from the now trashed ceiling lands on his head, killing him.)

MEATHEAD: (dying) Ouchie...

NEXT: Since I've been picking the movies, I've decided to give my fans a little treat and do it a little differently this time around. I'm going to ask the people who review this chapter to leave a note telling me what movie they want parodied next. If I get enough reviews, and if a movie gets the most requests, I will gladly swallow my pride and parody it in my next chapter. No matter what genre it is, what it's about, or even how lame it is, you ask, and I will do my damnedest to make fun of it.

So get to reviewing, people. Please.