Tri-Date Area

Telephone Interlude 3

"Sex Advice for Dudes Hotline. What's on your mind, bro?"

"Uh, hi, this is Jerem- Jerry. I need some advice."

"Whole reason I'm here, man. Go on."

"Well...I'm about to lose my virginity twice over, and I just want to make sure it's a good experience for everyone involved."

"Yeah? Good for you, dude. Your boyfriend's a lucky guy."

"Uh, boyfriend?"

"Well, you said you were gonna lose your virginity twice over, so I figured you were talkin' about gettin' some in a couple different orifices."

"No, no, I meant I'm going to be losing it with two girls at once."

"Whoa-ho, bro! You're having a three-way your first time out? You've got balls of solid brass, my friend."

"Um, thanks?"

"So…my advice is…ah...lemme think about this for a sec…"

"I hear pages turning. Are you looking this up in a book?"

"Um, nope, no way, not looking it up in a book. Certainly not a secret volume of a manual or anything."

"Why would you say that?"

"So, a threesome, you say? When you're the guy in a girl-girl-guy situation, you gotta remember that it's all about the, uh, chicks. Forget about what you want and make sure they get what they want. 'Cause if you make them feel good, they're gonna make you feel good, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"Actually...yeah. That makes a lot of sense."

"Glad I could-" <cough> "-help, bro."

"Uh, did your voice just get kind of high and...female, for a second there?"

<cough> "No way, dude, I'm all man over here. And I'm definitely not doin' this to earn a patch of any kind."

"What does that even mean?"

"Uh, good talk, bro. See ya!" *click*

*ring*

"Sex Advice for Dudes Hotline. What can I do for ya?"

"Hi, this is, ah, Finnegan. I'm having kind of a weird problem."

"Tell me everything, dude."

"Well, there's this girl across the street who's a really good friend of mine, and lately I've been having these weird dreams about her. And when I wake up, my pajama bottoms are kind of...sticky."

"Really?"

"Hey, did your voice just get kind of high and female for a second?"

"Uh, nope, I'm one hundred percent dude. Now let me tell you what you need to do: You go over to her house, climb right up the rose trellis by her window, and declare your undying love. Then climb in the window and bang her every way you can think of."

"How did you know there's a rose trellis-" *click*