Movie Parodies: South Park Style
folder
+S through Z › South Park
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,954
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S through Z › South Park
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,954
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own South Park, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Cartman's Spidey (Der Man!)
CARTMAN'S SPIDEY (DER, MAN!)
AUTHOR'S WARNING/DISCLAIMER: The latest of my saga of movie spoofs is chock-full of good guys, bad guys, bad film actors, crappy restaurant food, Italian pasta (Yum), druggies, gerber-spewing babies taking their first steps, people that like Teletubbies, people who like to twat the people who like teletubbies, gay New York slogans, and bad humor that will leave a horrible aftertaste in your mouths following the chapter.
It is in no way meant for financial purposes and is meant purely for entertainment purposes. The characters depicted in this piece of crap belong to Comedy Central, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Spider-man belongs to Marvel comics'. Superman is the property of DC Comics. Kane (one of my fave wrestlers) belongs to WWE and his own psychotic self. The fic belongs to me and I'd like to thank the brave fans who still insist on reading this even after all my warnings. There. With that said, maybe the team of lawyers waiting to bust me for infringement can finally go home and stop camping on my lawn every night.
CAST
Eric Cartman
Wendy Testaburger
Stan Marsh
Randy Marsh
Grandpa Marsh (for fic purposes, I'm making him Cartman's grandfather instead of Stan's.)
Liane Cartman
With a Cameo By
Charlottle The Spider (from "Charlotte's Web". My niece insisted I put her in here.)
And "Superman" as himself.
(SCENE: Some musuem. Cartman and Stan are hanging out with the rest of their senior class, all of them looking bored while some curator babbles on about the many species of spiders or some shit.)
CURATOR: And, here is the latest known species, Crappius Stupidus Lazyassius, which apparently sit in their webs and do nothing...
WENDY: But Miss Curator, don't ALL spiders sit in their webs and do nothing?
CURATOR: Yes, but this one likes to sit and watch TV.
(Wendy frowns, trying to figure how and why spiders can watch TV, when the class fatass Eric Cartman enters with his camera. He points it at Wendy and starts taking her picture with each FLASH! of the camera. The glooklooks pissed.)
WENDY: DAMNIT! (FLASH!) STOP (FLASH!)(She walks over towards Cartman, fists clenched.) TAKING (FLASH!) MY (FLASH!) PICTURE!! (FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH!)
(Wendy backhands Cartman, knocking hte boy onto his back, and Charlotte (*Sarcasm* Thanks, Ashley) lands on his hand, taking a bite.)
CHARLOTTE: Ew... and I thought eating flies was gross...
(Cartman flicks Charlotte off onto the floor and lifts his foot off the ground.)
CHARLOTTE: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.....
(SQUISH!)
(Cartman's House, next morning. Cartman looks at himself in the mirror, and, instead of seeing his normal fatass self, he has ballooned into a 2,000 pound SUPER fatass. His vision is also improved.)
CARTMAN: Sweet! MAH! I AM BIGGER NOW!!
LIANE: (from downstairs) That's nice, hon.
(He goes downstairs, trying to walk through the wall. Unfortunately, gravity calls him down. CRASH!!)
CARTMAN: URGH! (gets to his feet) Damn.
(Liane enters, followed by Grandpa.)
LIANE: Oh, did my little snookums have a little boo-boo?
CARTMAN: No, mah.
GRANDPA: Put me out of my fucking misery, ya little pussy!
(Eric looks up and sees his mother, then grimaces in disgust. His sight is so
strong now that he could actually see right through her clothes.)
CARTMAN: Arrgggghhhhhhhhh!!! (he faints)
LIANE: So, how's my little snuggly bear today? (pauses. No response.) Eric?
GRANDPA: Eh, shoot me already!
(South Park High School. Cartman is eating lunch by himself when Wendy walks by. She slips on a puddle of water and tosses her lunch up in the air in surprise. Cartman leaps out of his seat.)
CARTMAN: I'll catch it for ya!
(And he does... when it lands on his head. Wendy laughs hysterically.)
CARTMAN: GODDAMNIT! (a strand of web shoots out of his hand) What the hell?
(Some rooftop, later. Cartman is trying out his new so-called power. He shoots some webbing out and snags a on on a rooftop that is a hundred feet away. He jumps off the rooftop to swing over to it.)
CARTMAN: SWEEET!!! (The webbing snaps, and Cartman falls towards the street like a sack of bricks.) SHIIIT!!! (KER-RASH!!)
(Wrestling Ring, later. Cartman, dressed in a silly red and blue uniform that makes him look even dumber then usual, watches from the rows of screaming people as Kane, outside the ring, piledrives his opponent right into the pavement of the hardwood floor.)CARTCARTMAN: HOLY SHIT! (tries to run. Unfortunately, Kane spots him.)
KANE: YOU! WITH THE GAY COSTUME!! GET YER ASS OUT HERE!!!
(Cartman walks to the ring, eyes tightly clenched shut, his lips moving in silent prayer as he goes to his uncertain death. Kane wastes no time pinning the fatass to the mat. The referee hits the ground with his hand twice and is about to hit it for the final time, sealing Kane's victory, when Cartman, for no real reason, belches. Kane gasps, turns green, and rolls
off of Cartman, lying unconscious on the floor of the ring. The referee stops smacking the floor and grabs Cartman's right arm in a victory symbol.)
ANNOUNCER: And the winner of the mouth by foul, stinky, gas knockout is... SPIDER-MAN!
(Cartman cheers, then realizes that he was just insulted.)
CARTMAN: AY!
(Wendy's House, later. Cartman is spying through Wendy's bedroom window. Watching through the binoculars as Wendy gets undressed.)
CARTMAN: Oh, yeah... (grins lewdly) I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-man...
Grandpa enters Cartman's bedroom, hitting the door with his wheelchair.)
GRANDPA: OOF!
(Cartman spins around and quickly drops the binoculars.)
CARTMAN: I wasn't doing anything!
GRANDPA: BLOW MY HEAD OFF, YOU BASTARD FRUITCAKE!!
CARTMAN: No, Grandpa, I won't!
RANDY: (Evilly) But I will!
(Randy, dressed as the Green Goblin, crashes into the house on his flying thingamajig, and slaurs Grs Grandpa as Cartman watches in horror.)
GRANDPA: Argh... Thank you.... Blaargh.... (dies)
(City Streets, later. Cartman is flying through the air on his webbing.)
CARTMAN: (singing horribly) Spider-man, spider-man, does whatever a spider can... (slams into the side of a building.) OWWW!!! (Down in the street, Wendy sees this and laughs hysterically.)
(Later, some highrise. Randy, as "Green Goblin", is attacking Spider-man. Cartman kicks Randy's ass, though, and when Randy summons his flying thing to crush Cartman, the fatass jumps out of the way, and Randy gets it instead.)
RANDY: Urgh... Don't tell Stan...
CARTMAN: Don't tell Stan... what?
RANDY: Don't tell Stan about my $10 million account. (dies)
CARTMAN: (in disbelief) AY! (sees Randy has kicked it) GODDAMNIT!!! (looks around nervously.) Shit... Stan is gonna kill my ass... (rushes off)
(Randy's funeral. Cartman approaches Stan.)
CARTMAN: So sorry that your old man kicked it, dude.
(Stan breaks down in tears, screaming that he's "gonna make Spider-man pay". Wendy grabs Cartman by the back of the collar and drags him away.)
CARTMAN: Lemme guess. You love me.
WENDY: (looking at him like he was crazy) What are you, fucking nuts?! I'm telling you to stop peeping in my window! My dad threatened to call the cops!
CARTMAN: Maybe he should call Spider-man.
WENDY: Good idea! (looks over her shoulder) DADDY! What's Spider-man's private number? (looks back at Cartman, only to realize that he gave her the slip.) FUCK!!!
(New York City's skyline. Cartman, in his ugly and bloated costume, swings through the air. Suddenly, Superman comes flying towards him from the opposite direction.)
CARTMAN: SHIT!
SUPERMAN: SHIT!
(KER-RASH!)
NEXT: Mortal Kombat: The Movie
AUTHOR'S WARNING/DISCLAIMER: The latest of my saga of movie spoofs is chock-full of good guys, bad guys, bad film actors, crappy restaurant food, Italian pasta (Yum), druggies, gerber-spewing babies taking their first steps, people that like Teletubbies, people who like to twat the people who like teletubbies, gay New York slogans, and bad humor that will leave a horrible aftertaste in your mouths following the chapter.
It is in no way meant for financial purposes and is meant purely for entertainment purposes. The characters depicted in this piece of crap belong to Comedy Central, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Spider-man belongs to Marvel comics'. Superman is the property of DC Comics. Kane (one of my fave wrestlers) belongs to WWE and his own psychotic self. The fic belongs to me and I'd like to thank the brave fans who still insist on reading this even after all my warnings. There. With that said, maybe the team of lawyers waiting to bust me for infringement can finally go home and stop camping on my lawn every night.
CAST
Eric Cartman
Wendy Testaburger
Stan Marsh
Randy Marsh
Grandpa Marsh (for fic purposes, I'm making him Cartman's grandfather instead of Stan's.)
Liane Cartman
With a Cameo By
Charlottle The Spider (from "Charlotte's Web". My niece insisted I put her in here.)
And "Superman" as himself.
(SCENE: Some musuem. Cartman and Stan are hanging out with the rest of their senior class, all of them looking bored while some curator babbles on about the many species of spiders or some shit.)
CURATOR: And, here is the latest known species, Crappius Stupidus Lazyassius, which apparently sit in their webs and do nothing...
WENDY: But Miss Curator, don't ALL spiders sit in their webs and do nothing?
CURATOR: Yes, but this one likes to sit and watch TV.
(Wendy frowns, trying to figure how and why spiders can watch TV, when the class fatass Eric Cartman enters with his camera. He points it at Wendy and starts taking her picture with each FLASH! of the camera. The glooklooks pissed.)
WENDY: DAMNIT! (FLASH!) STOP (FLASH!)(She walks over towards Cartman, fists clenched.) TAKING (FLASH!) MY (FLASH!) PICTURE!! (FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH FLASH!)
(Wendy backhands Cartman, knocking hte boy onto his back, and Charlotte (*Sarcasm* Thanks, Ashley) lands on his hand, taking a bite.)
CHARLOTTE: Ew... and I thought eating flies was gross...
(Cartman flicks Charlotte off onto the floor and lifts his foot off the ground.)
CHARLOTTE: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.....
(SQUISH!)
(Cartman's House, next morning. Cartman looks at himself in the mirror, and, instead of seeing his normal fatass self, he has ballooned into a 2,000 pound SUPER fatass. His vision is also improved.)
CARTMAN: Sweet! MAH! I AM BIGGER NOW!!
LIANE: (from downstairs) That's nice, hon.
(He goes downstairs, trying to walk through the wall. Unfortunately, gravity calls him down. CRASH!!)
CARTMAN: URGH! (gets to his feet) Damn.
(Liane enters, followed by Grandpa.)
LIANE: Oh, did my little snookums have a little boo-boo?
CARTMAN: No, mah.
GRANDPA: Put me out of my fucking misery, ya little pussy!
(Eric looks up and sees his mother, then grimaces in disgust. His sight is so
strong now that he could actually see right through her clothes.)
CARTMAN: Arrgggghhhhhhhhh!!! (he faints)
LIANE: So, how's my little snuggly bear today? (pauses. No response.) Eric?
GRANDPA: Eh, shoot me already!
(South Park High School. Cartman is eating lunch by himself when Wendy walks by. She slips on a puddle of water and tosses her lunch up in the air in surprise. Cartman leaps out of his seat.)
CARTMAN: I'll catch it for ya!
(And he does... when it lands on his head. Wendy laughs hysterically.)
CARTMAN: GODDAMNIT! (a strand of web shoots out of his hand) What the hell?
(Some rooftop, later. Cartman is trying out his new so-called power. He shoots some webbing out and snags a on on a rooftop that is a hundred feet away. He jumps off the rooftop to swing over to it.)
CARTMAN: SWEEET!!! (The webbing snaps, and Cartman falls towards the street like a sack of bricks.) SHIIIT!!! (KER-RASH!!)
(Wrestling Ring, later. Cartman, dressed in a silly red and blue uniform that makes him look even dumber then usual, watches from the rows of screaming people as Kane, outside the ring, piledrives his opponent right into the pavement of the hardwood floor.)CARTCARTMAN: HOLY SHIT! (tries to run. Unfortunately, Kane spots him.)
KANE: YOU! WITH THE GAY COSTUME!! GET YER ASS OUT HERE!!!
(Cartman walks to the ring, eyes tightly clenched shut, his lips moving in silent prayer as he goes to his uncertain death. Kane wastes no time pinning the fatass to the mat. The referee hits the ground with his hand twice and is about to hit it for the final time, sealing Kane's victory, when Cartman, for no real reason, belches. Kane gasps, turns green, and rolls
off of Cartman, lying unconscious on the floor of the ring. The referee stops smacking the floor and grabs Cartman's right arm in a victory symbol.)
ANNOUNCER: And the winner of the mouth by foul, stinky, gas knockout is... SPIDER-MAN!
(Cartman cheers, then realizes that he was just insulted.)
CARTMAN: AY!
(Wendy's House, later. Cartman is spying through Wendy's bedroom window. Watching through the binoculars as Wendy gets undressed.)
CARTMAN: Oh, yeah... (grins lewdly) I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-man...
Grandpa enters Cartman's bedroom, hitting the door with his wheelchair.)
GRANDPA: OOF!
(Cartman spins around and quickly drops the binoculars.)
CARTMAN: I wasn't doing anything!
GRANDPA: BLOW MY HEAD OFF, YOU BASTARD FRUITCAKE!!
CARTMAN: No, Grandpa, I won't!
RANDY: (Evilly) But I will!
(Randy, dressed as the Green Goblin, crashes into the house on his flying thingamajig, and slaurs Grs Grandpa as Cartman watches in horror.)
GRANDPA: Argh... Thank you.... Blaargh.... (dies)
(City Streets, later. Cartman is flying through the air on his webbing.)
CARTMAN: (singing horribly) Spider-man, spider-man, does whatever a spider can... (slams into the side of a building.) OWWW!!! (Down in the street, Wendy sees this and laughs hysterically.)
(Later, some highrise. Randy, as "Green Goblin", is attacking Spider-man. Cartman kicks Randy's ass, though, and when Randy summons his flying thing to crush Cartman, the fatass jumps out of the way, and Randy gets it instead.)
RANDY: Urgh... Don't tell Stan...
CARTMAN: Don't tell Stan... what?
RANDY: Don't tell Stan about my $10 million account. (dies)
CARTMAN: (in disbelief) AY! (sees Randy has kicked it) GODDAMNIT!!! (looks around nervously.) Shit... Stan is gonna kill my ass... (rushes off)
(Randy's funeral. Cartman approaches Stan.)
CARTMAN: So sorry that your old man kicked it, dude.
(Stan breaks down in tears, screaming that he's "gonna make Spider-man pay". Wendy grabs Cartman by the back of the collar and drags him away.)
CARTMAN: Lemme guess. You love me.
WENDY: (looking at him like he was crazy) What are you, fucking nuts?! I'm telling you to stop peeping in my window! My dad threatened to call the cops!
CARTMAN: Maybe he should call Spider-man.
WENDY: Good idea! (looks over her shoulder) DADDY! What's Spider-man's private number? (looks back at Cartman, only to realize that he gave her the slip.) FUCK!!!
(New York City's skyline. Cartman, in his ugly and bloated costume, swings through the air. Suddenly, Superman comes flying towards him from the opposite direction.)
CARTMAN: SHIT!
SUPERMAN: SHIT!
(KER-RASH!)
NEXT: Mortal Kombat: The Movie