Tri-Date Area

Telephone Interlude 2

"Hello?"

"Hi, Vanessa, it's Candace Flynn."

"Oh, hey, Candace. I'm glad you called; I've been meaning to put you in my phone."

"Really?"

"You threw yourself in front of a mindless Dad-zombie for me. Acknowledging your existence electronically kind of seems like the least I can do."

"Actually, there's something else you can do for me—I need some advice."

"Sure, no problem."

"All right, here goes: I'm in kind of an...unusual relationship right now."

"Oooh, this sounds interesting. Although I'm curious: How come you're calling ME for relationship advice?"

"Just because you're older and kind of a slu- uhhhh..."

"Excuse me?"

"Slu- um, slumber party enthusiast! So, you know, you've heard a lot of girl talk about romance and stuff."

"Not sure where you got that idea, but okay. What's the situation?"

"Basically, I'm dating two people at the same time."

"An open relationship, huh? Or do you mean that they don't know about each other? Because that kind of thing can turn from fun to ugly really fast."

"No, it's not- There isn't- Let me start over. Jeremy and Stacy and I are all dating each other."

"So...you're having a three-way relationship? Or is it just a sex thing?"

"What? No! We're actually dating. We went to the movies, and we went on a picnic, and..."

"That sounds really nice."

"Yeah. It is."

"And what about the physical stuff?"

"It's...intense."

"Wow, Candace, I had no idea you were so adventurous. I'm kind of impressed."

"Um, thanks?"

"So what did you want advice about?"

"It's just that...everything's going really great. Better than I'd hoped, even. I've actually started to lose the urge to bust my brothers."

"And all this is a problem because..."

"Because anything that goes this well for me is eventually going to blow up in my face. It always does!"

"But this isn't like the stuff you always do; you're not trying to bust your brothers, or impress your boyfriend with some grand gesture. You're doing something completely new."

"So?"

"Candace...You know how they say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well, you're doing the opposite of that: You're doing something totally different but expecting the same results."

"So are you saying that I'm NOT insane, or that I've invented a new KIND of insane?"

"I'm saying that you should stop worrying. You're following a different pattern now, and you're going to get different results. I'm not guaranteeing that things won't go wrong, but I don't think you should EXPECT them to. In fact, a lot of times, expecting the worst is what makes the worst happen."

"So I should just...relax? 'Cause that's not really my thing."

"Then find something different to worry about. You know, I heard the Paisley Sideburn Brothers might be breaking up."

"What?! They can't break up—they're actual brothers! Ohmygosh, I've got to start a petition, and organize a letter-writing campaign, and contact a family-law attorney about drawing up a retainer agreement...Vanessa, I’ve gotta go." *click*

"Hello? Candace?"