Movie Parodies: South Park Style

House Of 1000 Cheesy Poofs

WARNING: This chapter is very possibly the dumbest one yet. It has good guys, bad psycho guys, and IRS guys. It will, after reading, very likely cause you to hurl your lunch onto your lap in pure and untainted disgust. Not for religious people, as there are jokes in here that are religion-oriented. There are also jokes that are vomit-inducing, like I’ve already said. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

CAST

Wendy Testaburger
Stan Marsh
Kyle Broflovski
Eric Cartman
Bebe Stevens
Mr. Garrison
Damien
s
Ws
With a Cameo By Satan

(Some back road. A van is cruising slowly down the road, driven by Stan, Wendy in the passenger next to him. Kyle, Cartman, and Bebe are in the backseat.)

STAN: This is so cool. Here we are, doing a thesis on a killer known as Dr. Satan.

WENDY: Why is he called Dr. Satan?

KYLE: Cause after killing someone, he would piss on them and then light a match on them.

WENDY: Jesus.

(Suddenly, Jesus appears out of nowhere.)

JESUS: You called?

WENDY: Never mind.

JESUS: All right. (He disappears)

(Some house. It is very disturbing. The appearance is unsettling. It is old, and rotted. The van pulls into the driveway, and all four, along with DAMIEN, a psychotic-looking hitchhiker they picked up, get out.)

WENDY: We picked up a deranged loony and accepted his offer to have dinner at his scary house! Am I the only one who sees anything wrong with this picture?!

KYLE: Shut up, Wendy.

STAN: Dude, don’t tell her to shut up!

KYLE: Okay, sorry. (To Wendy) Be quiet.

STAN: Much better.

(Interior House. Mr. Garrison, his face covered in funky looking colored paints, greets them.)

GARRISON: Hey, kids. Welcome to the House Of 1000 Cheesy Poofs. (shows them to a room that is full of nothing but bags of Cheesy Poofs which go all the way to the ceiling.)

CARTMAN: SWEET! (grabs a bag and starts munching.)

GARRISON: Do you others want some dinner? (holds up a platter which holds a severed human head.)

KYLE: (shudders) Whoa, dude!

GARRISON: Relax. It’s plastic…

KYLE: Whew!

GARRISON: …taxidermy project of an actual head. Cool, isn’t it?

BEBE: Run!

(Before they can get anywhere, Damien lops Bebe in two with a chainsaw, much like Kyle did to Kenny in the “Pinkeye” episode.)

DAMIEN: None of you are going anywhere!

(Garrison ambushes Stan and Kyle, slicing Stan’s head off with a machete, and using the same weapon to plunge it into Kyle’s heart. They both die.)

WENDY: Oh no! STAN! (To Garrison) THAT’S IT! I’M GONNA PUT YOU IN A ROCKET AND SEND YOU TO THE MOON LIKE I DID TO MISS ELLEN!!!

GARRISON: Oh, really?

(Wendy, freaked, runs to the Cheesy Poofs, and sees Cartman sitting on the floor, still eating those bags. He is now even fatter then he was at the end of the “Weight Gain 4000” episode.)

WENDY: Cartman, we’ve gotta get out of here!

CARTMAN: (struggling to get up.) Uh… weak, so weak, dude… (his fat ass combusts and Cartman literally explodes, blood and guts flying all over, but oddly, none of them hitting Wendy.)

WENDY: Noooooooooo!!!

(Suddenly, Satan shows up.)

SATAN: I am Dr. Satan! You are MINE! FOREVER! Muahahahahahaha!!!

WENDY: (Screams)

Next: Spider-Man.