The Diary of Luan Loud

June 3 – Church. Again. I still can’t believe adults actually believe in this crap. Sure, okay, some guy got nailed to a cross and came back three days later. Totally believable. The Bible is absolutely unlike any other creation myth under the sun. Got it.

When we got home, I went back upstairs and got on my laptop. I just sent the video to Lori. Now I’m just waiting for the fireworks.

LATER

“Luan!” Lori shrieked. It was almost one. An hour after I sent the email. That long, huh?

Luna was lying on her bed and strumming her guitar. She looked up, and then to me. “Uh-oh.” The way she said it was You better run now.

“Yeah,” I said, “uh-oh.”

I got out of bed and went to the door. When Lori came in, I punched her in the jaw as hard as I could. She gasped and Luna shouted.

Lori recovered quickly. She grabbed me by my hair and yanked me to her. I hit her in the stomach with an uppercut that knocked the breath out of her.

“Guys, stop it!” Luna yelled.

“You bitch!” Lori shrieked. She pulled me again, and I went limp: We tumbled to the floor, me on top and her on the bottom. She wasn’t expecting the drop; I had just enough time to hit her again before she snapped out of it and swiped me across the face with her nails.

Suddenly, Luna’s arms were around me. She wrenched me back. “Get off!”

The hallway was flooded with people by then. Everyone except mom, dad, and Lilly. Everyone was talking, asking questions. Lynn and Lucy went over to Lori who was sitting up now, her knees drawn to her chest. She was crying.

“She fucked Bobby!” she wailed. “She fucked Bobby.”

“Bobby fucked me!” I yelled, and laughed. I broke away from Luna. “He fucked me and he came in me. I’m probably pregnant. I’m pregnant by your boyfriend.”

“That’s enough!” Luna yelled. She snatched me up by my hair and turned me around. “You’re...”

“Hey, what’s going on up there?”

It was dad. He was on the stairs.

“Fuck you,” I said, and spit in Luna’s face. She let go of me and I went out into the hall.

“Luan’s a fucking psycho!” Lori sobbed. “That’s what’s wrong!”

“Yeah,” Lynn added, glaring at me. “She raped Lincoln!”

“And Bobby!”

Dad looked stricken. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.