Finding your Feet

 

"And with that… I best be leaving." Helga grinned, passed Arnold the Xbox controller and stood up. "Enjoy the bitter taste of defeat,motherfucker."

Gerald laughed. "Enjoy the sweet taste of my ass, more like."

"That's disgusting, Johanssen." Helga pulled a face, laughing. Arnold was used to their insulting banter by now, they both seemed to have a much higher abuse tolerance than he did.

"I'll call you about car arrangements and stuff for Friday night, OK?" She ruffled her fingers through Arnold's hair.

"Sure." He smiled up at her. "You OK to get home?"

"As always, Shortman, yeah, I'll be fine." She grinned, bent down to kiss him briefly on the cheek, and left the apartment. "Don't suck too much without me!" She called, a parting shot as she closed the door.

Gerald laughed. "How do you suppose a girl without so much as a PC got so good at gaming?"

Arnold shrugged. "She's just competitive, I guess."

"That's an understatement." Gerald stretched out. "You two done it yet?"

Arnold grimaced. "No. You know we haven't. Stop it."

"Aw man, that's messed up."

"We… I mean… it isn't like that…" Arnold stammered. They didn't even kiss every time they saw each other. They had only made outonce, and he had stopped it, stuttering apologies, when she had started moving against him, rolling her hips and stuff… he had freaked out, backed off… but she had been OK with it, as always.

"She's all over you!" Gerald sneered. "Sometimes I wanna tell you guys to get a fucking room… always cuddling up to you and shit. If she isn't interested in getting into the Shortman's shorts… then I'm a monkey's fucking uncle."

Arnold shrugged. "She doesn't try to stick her hands down my pants or anything, does she?"

Gerald paused for a second. "Well… not that I've seen. But you guys hang out a lot without me around."

"Is that what this is? Are you jealous?" Arnold held his arms open. "C'mere Gerald, come have a cuddle. I still wuv you." He grinned.

"Fuck off." Gerald threw a pillow at him. He sighed. "Seriously man, you should ask her what the deal is."

"Leave it man. It's fine the way it is."

"Really? How long do you think she'll be OK with having a surrogate boyfriend that won't get her off?"

Arnold baulked. "You don't think I worry about that enough?" He grimaced, closed his eyes. "Shit man… you think I don't know that she's fucking awesome, and I'm just some stupid fucking cripple that can't… ah, fuck it."

Gerald sat up straight. "Hey, look, I'm sorry man… I wasn't trying to say that…"

"It's OK." Arnold put a hand up to stop him. "I get it. You think I don't get it? But what the fuck can I do about it?"

…

He lay awake that night, worrying. It had been… about four months since he and Helga had started hanging out… about two months since that night that she first kissed him. Was Gerald right? Was that too long to go without trying to make a real move? Would she get bored and move on? He had always had that fear in the back of his mind, but to have someone else say it out loud? He couldn't avoid it anymore.

Try as he might, he couldn't get that thought out of his head. He couldn't give her everything a normal boyfriend could give her. He wanted to, badly, but he just couldn't.

He couldn't even take off his leg if she was going to be around. He couldn't stomach the thought of her seeing him on his crutches, his cut-off track pants pinned up under his stump.

How could he ever really be her boyfriend if he was too afraid to ever really relax around her? Sure, there was a chance he might get over it, one day… but he had no right to expect her to wait that long…

So what could he do?