The Diary of Lincoln Loud

July 2 – I dreamed about Luan again, only I’m not entirely convinced it was a dream. I think it may have been real.

After dinner, I went to my room and tried to play a video game, but my heart wasn’t in it, so I got under the covers and laid in the dark. For years now I thought Lucy was crazy for liking to sit in the dark, but she’s right: It is therapeutic.

I don’t know how long I was laying there thinking, but I started to get sleepy. Just before I dropped off, I heard my name.

“Lincoln...”

I snapped awake and sat up. It was probably Lori checking on me. “Yeah. Come in.”

The door didn’t open.

“I said come in.”

It still didn’t open. I got up and poked my head into the hall, but it was empty. Strange. I closed my door and got back into bed. I was just beginning to fall asleep when it happened again. “Lincoln...”

I sat up. “Who is it?”

“It’s me. Luan.”

It was coming from the wall.

Another dream. It had to be. Only I knew I wasn’t sleeping.

“Where are you?” I asked, feeling stupid. Talking to a wall. What are you, crazy?

“I’m in here,” she said. “I don’t want the others to see me.”

“Why?”

“Because they hate me.”

My heart hurt. “No, they don’t hate you. They miss you. Just like I do.”

“No, they don’t. They hate me. Especially Lori. She’s the reason I went away.”

No she wasn’t. I know that. Still, I didn’t say anything.

“She’s always had it out for me. Ever since I was little. Why do you think I went crazy, Linc? She drove me crazy. She wanted me out of the way so she made me a sociopath. I think Lisa helped her.”

My jaw dropped. It makes perfect sense. Luan wasn’t putting up a front; Lori and Lisa slipped her something that made her crazy.

“You better watch out, Linc. She’ll come after you next.”

“M-Me?”

“Yeah. Come on. You’re the only boy. You stand out, get more attention. Lori doesn’t like that.”

I was scared. “What do I do?”

“Just hang tight, little bro. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“I love you, Luan.”

“I love you too. Now get some sleep.”

I tried, but after my talk with Luan, I couldn’t. Lori had it out for me. And Lisa...was she a willing participant, or was Lori making her help? It was probably the latter. Who else was in on it? All of them?

When I finally slept, I dreamed. I was running from something, staggering down darkened corridors and trying to find my way into the light. Something was behind me. I didn’t know what, but I knew I had to get away. Just as I found a doorway, something grabbed me, and I woke up screaming.

In two seconds flat, Lori was by my side, her arm around me. “Shhhh. It’s okay, Linc. It’s okay. It was just a dream.”

Mom and dad came in a few seconds later looking tired.

I’ve been resting in bed for most of the day. How did Lori get there so fast? I keep wondering. Her room is all the way at the end of the hall, farther even than mom and dad’s. She must have been right outside my door.

Which means she was trying to kill me.

Maybe she was on her way to do it when I woke up. And maybe if I didn’t wake up, I would be dead right now.

But what woke me?

Luan.

She was watching out for me like she said she would.

July 3 – My family is a lie. I see it clearly now. Every time they look at me, I can see it in their eyes. I saw Dr. Franklin yesterday, and he listened intently.

“You’re under a tremendous amount of stress, Lincoln. That’s understandable. Your family is not your enemy, though. I know for a fact that your mother, your father, and your sister Lori care very deeply for you. I understand your worries. They’re natural, given the circumstances. But they are wrong.”

He prescribed me medication to take, but I’m afraid to. What if he’s working with Lori to kill me?

July 4 – I had another dream about Luan. Or another not dream. I was laying in bed, looking at the ceiling, when I heard a sharp pssst from the floor. It was Luan. She was half under the bed, smiling at me. “Hey, Linc!”

I was so happy to see her I started crying. She got up and got under the covers with me, taking me in her arms. “It’s okay. No one’s going to hurt you. I promise.”

“I miss you so much,” I said, and hugged her.

“I miss you too, Linc.”

I looked into her soft brown eyes, and kissed her. She didn’t seem shocked or grossed out. She took my face in her hands and kissed me back, her tongue dancing coyly across mine. The taste of her breath was warm and sweet. Her smell was intoxicating. When the kiss broke, I could barely breathe. My heart was pounding.

“You don’t have to do this,” she said.

“I know,” I replied, reaching under her shirt. “But I want to.”

I grazed my fingers along her stomach to her throbbing breast. She threw her head back and moaned as I rubbed her nipple.

“Linc, that’s so good.”

I ran my hand back down her stomach to her pussy. It was small and hot and hairless. She shook as I rubbed her moist slit. “Yes...”

When I put my fingers in her, she jerked and laughed. “Way to make an entrance!”

I fingered her until her breathing was ragged, then I climbed on top of her. She bit her lower lip and watched me with big eyes as I sank into her.

“I want to be close to you,” I said as I pumped. It was like last time only better. “I want to make you happy. I love you.”

“I love you too!” she gasped.

When we were done, I rolled off of her and held her in my arms.

“Are you going to stay in the walls forever?” I asked.

“No,” she said. “I’m going to come out one day.”

“When?”

She looked at me and smiled. “When you need me.”

After that, I think I fell asleep, and when I woke, she was gone. All day I’ve had my ear pressed against the wall, trying to find her. Everyone has been looking at me like I’m crazy.