Tri-Date Area

Telephone Interlude 1

“Hey Stacy. What’s up?”

“Hey, Jenny. Got a minute?

“Sure. I’m just writing an email to Mayor Doofenschmirtz about my idea to power city vehicles with used frying oil from Slushy Dog.”

“Hey, that actually sounds like a good ide-“

“-and making the pigeon the official city mascot.”

“Oh. That one might be a dealbreaker. Anyway, I wanted to get your point of view on something. Because you’re kind of the only person I can talk to about this.”

“Okay. About what?”

“Well, the other night, Candace and Jeremy and I, we…we decided to try…dating. All three of us. Dating each other.”

“Wow. It’s so cool that you guys are exploring alternative relationships. I mean, with all the- Why are you laughing?”

“Candace. Sorry. But here’s the thing: When the three of us are together, I don’t quite…act like myself.”

“What do you mean?”

"It's like, like I can't control myself. You know, uh, sexually. Which I totally don't get, because I wasn't like that when I was with Coltrane."

"Hmm. Maybe being outside of a stereotypical relationship paradigm has removed the subconscious barriers that previously compelled you to conform to social norms regarding female sexual expression."

"Um, was that English?"

"I just meant that maybe not being in a so-called normal relationship is helping certain sides of yourself to come out."

"Well, apparently, one of my sides is a huge horndog. You wouldn't believe the things I think about when I'm with the two of them, or even when I’m just lying in bed at night."

"Yeah? Like what."

"Um, well, like, the first time I kissed Jeremy, I had to stop myself from just ripping his shirt open and putting my hands and mouth all over his body. And Candace...when I was kissing her, I kept pressing against her harder and harder, because what I really wanted to do was push her back onto the sofa and rip her panties off from under her skirt and just SHOVE my face between her- Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get all graphic on you."

"Oh, no, it's fine. It's, um, healthy to, you know, talk about your urges. So, what do you think about when you're in bed at night?"

"Gosh, sometimes I, I imagine them taking turns being on top of me, like kissing me, and kissing my nipples, and stuff."

"Uh huh."

"Or sometimes I think about being on my hands and knees, totally naked, with Candace underneath me, and I'm kissing her, and Jeremy is behind me putting his, his thing in me. Or I think about kneeling over Candace's face while I watch Jeremy doing her, and Jeremy and I are smiling at each other because Candace is making both of us feel so good. Or...gosh, there are so many..."

"K- Keep going. I've got all morning."

"Why are you breathing so hard? And what's that buzzing noise?"

"I'm just, ah, caught up in the narrative."

"Are you- Are you getting OFF on this?"

"Not with this solar-powered vibrator, I'm not. I really wanted an Earth-friendly sex toy, but it freaks my parents out when I leave it on the window sill to charge up. They can be really uptight."

"Jeez, Jenny, I called for advice, not phone sex!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Look, here's my advice: Do everything you want to do with them. I mean, do it safely and all that, but do it. You're a sexual being, and that side of you needs to be set free."

“You really think so?”

“Stacy, if you weren’t ready to push your own limits, you wouldn’t have gotten into this relationship in the first place. This is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow as a person.”

"Wow. Okay, thanks. I...I guess I'll just go for it, then."

"Oh, and take pictures. Or maybe a nice audio recording that captures your passionate mo-"

*click*

"Stacy? Hello?"