The Diary of Luan Loud

May 27 – Every time I see Lori, she gives me a dirty look, and I give her on right back. Anytime you’re ready, sis. I’m so sick of this “Bobby Boo Boo Bear” bullshit. It makes me sick. I’d like to hear her baby talk with a mouthful of broken teeth.

Because they have no lives and snoop just like their sister, the others know there’s something going on between us. Earlier Luna cornered me in the room. “What’s up with you and Lori?”

“Nothing,” I said.

“It’s something alright.”

Though I’m not proud of myself, I snapped. “It’s none of your goddamn business! Stay out of my life!”

I stormed away and left her standing there, no doubt gaping after me like an idiot. Lucy was in the hallway, so I made sure to shoulder-check her. “Move.”

In the bathroom, I looked at my face in the mirror. I tried to smile, but it looked so contrived. Resting bitch face looked (and felt) more natural.

I’m sure Lori didn’t read my diary. What happened with Lincoln alone would have sent her crying to mom and dad. Maybe Lucy did see me. She’s always creeping around like a fucking ghost or something, and maybe Lori did piece together that I was the one who broke Lola’s wand, Lana’s plunger, and Lynn’s ball. She’s stupid, but she’s not Leni stupid. The question is: Where do we go from here? I made a mistake letting it out, you know? I was an idiot to think that I could get away with anything in this house. I could make up some lie about hormones or something, but I don’t know if I want to. I kind of like not hiding who I am. In the end though, which serves me better?

Someone knocked on the bathroom door, and I cringed. Goddamn it. Can’t a girl get some fucking peace? I ripped it open, and Lincoln was there. When he saw it was me, he shrank back.

I forced a laugh. “Sorry, Linc. It’s all yours.”

He muttered “Thanks” and scurried in. I was thinking about the other night and how good it felt. I wonder if I should try it again. Probably not.

Back in my room, I sat on my bed and tried to focus on joke finding, but couldn’t. Luna came in, grabbed a few things, and left again. She didn’t speak to me. Fucking bitch. When she was gone, I dug my fingers in my pussy, went over to her bed, and smeared them on her pillow. Nighty, night, sis.

Touching myself made me really horny, so I closed the door, slipped under the covers, and started playing with myself, rubbing my clit firmly but slowly. When I got tired of that, I stuck two fingers in and gasped. When I finally came, I muttered Lincoln’s name.

May 28 – I was sitting on my bed with the door open when Lana passed by in the hall. She was holding a plunger dripping with what I could only assume was shit water.

“My new lucky plunger,” she said, “hope no one breaks this one.”

I whipped my head up. The way she said it...I knew it was directed at me.

“What did you say?”

She had already passed by, but stopped and backed up. With a little grin on her face, she said, “I said I hope no one breaks my new lucky plunger.”

Anger rose within me. I jumped off the bed. “How about I break you?”

That’s when Luna stepped in between us and got in my face. “Back off,” she said.

“You back off, dyke.”

She grabbed the front of my shirt. I shoved her back.

“I don’t know what kind of hair crossed your ass, but you need to chill.”

“Fuck off.”

I slammed the door as hard as I could and locked it. These people are driving me crazy. I swear to God I’m going to strangle one of them. Before it’s all said and done, I’m going to have to kill everyone here. Then it’ll be a very quiet house (get it?).

LATER

Dinner was tense. No one talked to me and everyone looked mad. When I asked Lynn to pass me the peas, she shoved them at me, spilling some on the table. “Oops,” she said sweetly.

I just glared at her and spooned some onto my plate. I’ll do to your head what I did to your ball.

After dinner, I went back to my room and masturbated again. This time I used the handle of Leni’s hairbrush. When I was done, I put it back on her dresser.

May 29 – Lori slipped a letter under my door this afternoon. It said to meet her in her room after dinner. When I got there, all my siblings were waiting for me. Even Lincoln.

Lori, here arms crossed, told me to shut the door. When I did, she said, “What’s with you, Luan?”

“Yeah,” Luna added, “you’ve been acting really strange lately.”

The others started talking over each other. It was maddening.

“There’s nothing wrong,” I said. “I just want to be left alone.”

“Look,” Lori said, her tone softening, “we want to help you.”

I laughed. “I don’t want your help. I want you all to leave me alone. I’m so sick of every single one of you. Lynn with the fucking sports, Lucy with the fucking goth shit, Leni being a retard, Lana eating mud and bugs. All of you. I hate every last one of you. Now fuck off and die!”

Back in my room, I realized my heart was racing and my breathing was shallow. There. It’s all out now. I hate these people. They’re all cheap, fake, and stupid. I can’t wait to get out of here.

June 1 – Well, it happened. I was sitting on my bed, browsing Facebook, when Lori came in and shut the door. She crossed her arms and glared at me.

“What do you want?”

“I read your little diary. You have issues.”

My stomach dropped. “What???”

She nodded. “Yep. I read everything. Especially what you did to Lincoln. What’s the matter with you?”

I got up. I was so mad I was shaking. “You had no right...”

“I wanted to know what was wrong with you. Drugs. Hormones. Turns out you’re just psycho.”

I could have killed her.

“And I’m telling mom and dad.”

She opened up the door and looked over her shoulder.

“Eventually.”

I’m going to kill her. I swear to God I am. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for a long, long time, but I will. One day I will. I am patient. I can wait.

Now...what the fuck am I going to do? If she tells mom and dad, I’m screwed. They’ll put me somewhere. They won’t want me around their precious children. Gotta protect them from big bad Luan.

I’ll get even with you, Lori. Soon.