Dreams of an Absolution

September 9th, 2001

Patient Name: Blossom Utonium

Can I do this? I saw her out there, I've heard the rumors that have been circulating. The girl sitting in that room...I don't think I've ever seen her like this before. One moment her expression is twisted in a mask of pain and frustration, the next its filled with fear and sorrow...but worst of all is when the emotion fades completely. When all I can find is purely...hate. Can I confront her? Can I find the truth? If I do discover the truth...can I bare to face it?

"Dr. Elise, I understand your concern but-"

"Professor, please, let me speak with her. I don't think removing me is going to help her mental state at this point. It sounds like she's getting worse..."

"That's exactly my point...I don't know if there's anything more you can do, Doctor. I know you've tried your best, Blossom talks about you all the time but-"

"She does? Professor...please, just let me see her. I know I can help her,"

"I don't know..."

"Professor, you told me she tried to kill herself,"

"I'm not sure...she won't speak to anyone right now,"

"Then let me try, she's always talked to me,"

"I...alright, but please, let me know what's going on. I want to help her,"

"I know you do,"

"Alright...I'll go get her,"

"...Come on Blossom...please, Sweetie, let me help you...hello there! It's nice to see you again, please, sit down,"

"...What did you tell the Professor?"

"I only asked that I could still visit with you...is that alright?"

"...I guess so..."

"Will you talk to me, Blossom? Please?"

"..."

"Alright...if you don't want to talk right now, why don't I talk, okay?"

"..."

"It's been a long week, I hope you don't mind if I vent a little? See, I've been working with an associate on a project and he's just been very demanding. I don't mind to fetch things for him, he can't go out, you see, but the work is just very stressful. Seeing you is the best part about my work, you know. I really enjoy-"

"Dr. Elise..."

"Yes, Honey?"

"You can't tell anyone what I tell you...right?"

"Well...I...no, I won't tell anyone anything you tell me, Sweetie,"

"...You can't tell anyone,"

"I won't tell anyone, Honey,"

"...I didn't try to kill myself...I know that's what everyone is saying, but I didn't,"

"Then what happened? I saw you at the hospital, your entire arm was covered in blood-"

"You were at the hospital?"

"Well, yes of course! I was visiting another patient-"

"I didn't see you there,"

"Well, you looked very distressed, Honey, I'm not surprised. You were in shock,"

"...I suppose you're right...but I didn't do this...at least not on purpose..."

"Then what happened? How could you accidentally-"

"It wasn't an accident! That...monster. The monster did this to me..."

"The monster? What do you mean?"

"You remember...she could change her arms. She tried to come back, but I stopped her! I saved Townsville from a relapse and this is the thanks I get! Tabloids saying that I've gone crazy! Journals saying I should be committed! A completely useless arm! I stopped her! I saved everyone!"

"Blossom! Stop screaming, please! Someone is going to hear you!"

"I don't care! I'm tired of everyone ignoring me! I'm tired of everyone acting like I don't exist! It wasn't his fault! Aku didn't turn me into a monster!"

"What do you mean? Honey, we all heard the story from Buttercup,"

"Buttercup lied! She knows the truth! He used me...he forced his power on me and turned me into that monster!"

"Blossom..."

"Dr. Elise...what's wrong with me? What's happening to me?"

"Blossom...this isn't easy..."

"Please, just tell me! Why do...why does it feel like I can't think straight? It's like...sometimes there's someone else...making me do things I didn't want to do. Making me say things I never wanted to say..."

"Blossom, please, sit down...Honey, I've...been...this isn't easy for me, but I think..."

"I'm crazy...it's true...I'm going crazy because of what happened...ugh..."

"Blossom? Is your chest hurting?"

"It's okay...it's just burning...Dr. Elise, what's going on?"

"...I don't...I don't know how to say it..."

"Then just...just say it like I was an adult. What is wrong with me?"

"Blossom, you seem to be...exhibiting signs of...some degree of dissociative identity disorder..."

"You mean like a split personality? But...but I never forget what I'm doing! It's not like someone just takes control I just...sometimes I'm not me..."

"I know, you don't fit it to a tee but..."

"So Buttercup was right. The newspapers are right...I am crazy,"

"No, you're not crazy, you're just very confused,"

"..."

"I'm going to help you, alright? I'll help you get through this, Sweetie. We're going to fix you,"

"..."

"Alright? Please, just trust me,"

"What can I do? I don't...know what's right, I don't know which..."

"That's okay, alright, Honey? It's okay, just shh...don't cry, it's okay,"

"I'm scared...I...my mind is the only thing I have left...if it's broken too,"

"Blossom, you are as brilliant and intelligent as you've ever been,"

"But I don't even know who I am..."

"Who do you want to be?"

"I want..."

"..."

"I...want..."

"..."

"..."

"Is something wrong, Sweet-"

"I have a name, Dr. Elise...it's Blossom, I'd prefer that you used it,"

"Oh! I'm...I'm sorry, Blossom I didn't kn-"

"You're right, you didn't know. No one does..."

"Blossom?"

And every night...I lay awake...

"I think we're done, Dr. Elise,"

"Blossom, no. We can stay longer today. I need you to talk to me,"

"I don't want to talk to you,"

"Why not? Please...don't leave like this,"

"Why should I? You don't have the answers, you're just as stupid and useless as everyone else..."

"Blossom!"

I find...the conclusion...

"You asked me who I want to be, Dr. Elise, but it's not that simple, is it?"

"What do you-"

"I don't really have a choice, do I? I've been pre-assigned a role, and should I choose to neglect or deny that role, I'll be punished accordingly,"

"Blossom, no one wants to-"

"Yes they do! Stop lying to me...you're a terrible liar,"

"I..."

And every night...it just stays the same...

"The universe has a cruel, sick sense of humor. Who do I want to be? No, the question they want you to ask is 'Will you be who we want you to be?' isn't it? They want the old Blossom back, they want the good girl, the heroine, the puppet,"

"Blossom, I never said that,"

"You didn't have to,"

"Blossom...all I want is what's best for you. I want to help you,"

"You want to fix me,"

"..."

"I'm not broken, Doctor. I don't need fixed,"

"...Something is wrong, Blossom,"

"Yeah, something is wrong, but it's not me,"

"Blossom..."

I dream...of absolution...

"We're done, Doctor, I've already gone over my time,"

"Blossom, please don't leave me like this,"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I do, Blossom. I sincerely...care about you,"

"I've heard that before,"

"Maybe, but I mean it,"

"We're done, Doctor,"

"Blossom...Blossom! Please, please come back!"

"Don't expect me for my appointment next week,"

"Blossom, wait! Blossom!"