Movie Parodies: South Park Style
folder
+S through Z › South Park
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,960
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
+S through Z › South Park
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
13
Views:
4,960
Reviews:
7
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own South Park, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Sparky Doo
Sparky Doo
WARNING: This chapter contains profanity, violence, drug use, out-of-character characterizations, hump-happy gay dogs, cross-dressing nuns, drunken circus clowns, maniacal shotgun-toting UFO "witnesses", handstands, robots, baseballs,
basketballs, popcorn balls, elephant balls, angry overprotective middle-aged fathers, pregnant teenage girls, demons, aliens, ghosts, bigfoot, smallfoot, medium foot, athlete's foot, cowboys, indians, secret government agents, overhyped Hollywood actors sky-diving w/o a parachute on the sets of action films, and, worse of all, Ba***a Str****nd naked and horny after 12 bottles of mal malt liqour. *Screams in fear.*
RATED: R.
CAST
Stan
Kyle
Wendy
Bebe
Mr. Garrison/Mr. Hat
Kenny
Cartman's Kitty
Sparky The Gay Dog
(South Park, Colorado, three years in the past. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Wendy, and Bebe are in the Misery Machine, a large green van. All of them are getting stoned, while Sparky is, uh, keeping himself busy outside the van with a random
wandering dog.)
STAN: (takes a piff off a joint) This is great shit we got up in here, bro!
KYLE: (takes the joint, and takes a drag) Urgh. Dude, it'd be better if you hadn't put ano ano in it.
STAN: That's what gives it flavor, man!
KYLE: No, that's what makes it taste like crap.
STAN: Hey, man, that's it! We're not a team anymore!
KYLE: But--
STAN: NO BUTS!
KENNY: (That's it. I'm going home.)
(He opens the side door, and, getting out, sets both feet on the road just in time for a semi to plow into the poor boy and splatter him along the road, leaving a trail ofod iod in the middle of the pavement. The others look on, stunned.)
STAN: Oh, my god, they killled Kenny!
(Kyle says nothing. Stan looks at him, waiting.)
KYLE: (holding a syringe in his right hand, his left sleve rolled up) What? I'm shooting up here.
(Stan's house, present day, early morning. The boy emerges onto his porch, and stretches before walking toward his mailbox. He looks over and sees Sparky on top of Clyde's dog, Clyde's dog yipping in panic.)STANSTAN: Sparky, get down! Bad dog! (pulls letter out of mailbox and, after opening it, starts reading.) 'You have been invited to Mr. Hat's Wonderful Island Of Shockingly Scary and Spooky Things". (pauses, then goes indise the house.) Hey,
Shelley!! You wanna go on a vacation?? The place sounds perfect for you!! (After a few seconds, there is a loud WHAM and Stan yelps.)
KYLE: (as Stan re-enters.) What happened to you, dude?
STAN: (blinking through his new right black eye.) Nothing.
(Island. Stan, carrying his baggage, with Sparky following him, gets off the boat, and steps onto the sandy beach, looking around.)
STAN: Goddamn, it's like 150 degrees here. Maybe I should've left my coat and hat at home.
KYLE: (from nearby.) Maybe we should've.
STAN: Kyle! What the hell are you doing here? And why am I being nice to you all of a sudden when we left things off on a sour note?
WENDY: Hello, Stan.
STAN: Hello, Wendy. How's Token?
WENDY: Who?
STAN: Never mind.
BEBE: Something weird is going on here. Look at all the other tourists.
(They all look. The other people on the island are walking around stiffly, almost zombie-like. Sparky is humping the leg of a guy who doesn't even act like anything's going on at all.)
STAN: Sparky! Get down! I bet I can solve this mystery first.
WENDY: Not if I do.
BEBE: Lots of luck beating me to it first, Wendy.
KYLE: You guys are all losers! The credit for solving this case is as good as mine. (grins for a minute or so, until he frowns and looks down in the direction of his feet.) Sparky! Get the hell offa me!
(Some Castle. Stan and Sparky are exploring the territory for clues when quite suddenly, the dog farts.)
STAN: Good dog, Sparky! That one stank and I bet it burned, too! But mine's better!! (farts.)
(The two get into a farting contest, neither of them noticing Weenteentering the room, who watches them a sea second or two, and then starts looking sickened.)
WENDY: Well, at least now I know why I dumped you. (clamps her nose shut.)
STAN: (sees her, and barfs.)
WENDY: EW!
(Some underground cavern, much later, after an insufferable hour of red herrings, and incoherent "plot" twists, our gang is creeping around the tunnels, looking for clues. Bebe, at the very back of the line, tries to scream as someone grabs her from behind, putting a hand over her mouth. The rest of them just trek on for a while, nobody really noticing that the girl is missing.)
KYLE: (finally looks behind him, sees she's gone.) Hey, guys! Bebe's missing!
STAN: So?
CARTMAN: Good. Screw that ho.
WENDY: Yeah. (They all keep walking, except for Kyle.)
KYLE: But... (looks back, where loud moaning is heard.) Ah, screw it. Wait up! (follows the others.)
STAN: Oh my god! Kitty Kitty sttheitheir souls!
KYLE: (walks up.) YOSTARSTARDS!
(Stan's not lying. At the controls of a very large robot, Kitty is laughing maniacally as another random character gets his soul extracted, turning him into a stiff, wooden, emotionless zombie-like thing.)
KYLE: Well, that explains a lot. Like Mr. Garrison's behavior, for example.
CARTMAN: This explains nothin', jew! Why the hell is Kitty here?! (raises his voice several octaves.) THAT'S A VERY BAD KITTY!!!
KYLE: (looks panicked.) Cartman, no! (tries to put a hand over his mouth.)
KITTY: (too late loe looks up and sees them.) SEIZE THEM!!
KYLE: Cartman, you dumbass!!
(Cavern. The gang is tied up. Kitty is gloating.)
KITTY: You see, I'm going to suck the souls from every last human on this planet!!
WENDY: But why?
KITTY: Why? WHY?! Too long my feline kind have been oppressed by humanity!! Too long have we been seen as "fat, lazy critters" who serve no purpose whatsoever!! Now it is time to change that... WITH MY OWN ARMY OF ZOMBIES!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, Bebe bursts in, Sparky following.)
Bebe: GUYS! I found Sparky, and... (the dog runs up to the robot, and starts humping its' left leg.)
KITTY: ARGH!! Get the hell off of me!! (the robot falls over, taking Kitty with it.) GAHHH!!!
(KER-RASH!!)
STAN: Sparky! Where have you been, boy?!
SPARKY: (woofs.)
STAN: I'll send Rin-Tin-Tin's and Benji's owners personal apologies, then.
(Beach. Everyone on the island is there, re-ensouled and happy, while Stan and the others see Kitty off to the pound.)
STAN: well, we solved the mystery, ruined Kitty's evil plans, reunited as team, and, most importantly, finally got Sparky to stop humping everything that's male in sight.
KITTY: (fuming) Damn you all! I'll get my revenge! I would've gotten away with this if it hadn't happened for you pesky kids and that dog named... AHH!! GET THIS MUTT OFF ME!!!
STAN: Sparky, GET DOWN!!
NEXT: I Am Sam.
WARNING: This chapter contains profanity, violence, drug use, out-of-character characterizations, hump-happy gay dogs, cross-dressing nuns, drunken circus clowns, maniacal shotgun-toting UFO "witnesses", handstands, robots, baseballs,
basketballs, popcorn balls, elephant balls, angry overprotective middle-aged fathers, pregnant teenage girls, demons, aliens, ghosts, bigfoot, smallfoot, medium foot, athlete's foot, cowboys, indians, secret government agents, overhyped Hollywood actors sky-diving w/o a parachute on the sets of action films, and, worse of all, Ba***a Str****nd naked and horny after 12 bottles of mal malt liqour. *Screams in fear.*
RATED: R.
CAST
Stan
Kyle
Wendy
Bebe
Mr. Garrison/Mr. Hat
Kenny
Cartman's Kitty
Sparky The Gay Dog
(South Park, Colorado, three years in the past. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Wendy, and Bebe are in the Misery Machine, a large green van. All of them are getting stoned, while Sparky is, uh, keeping himself busy outside the van with a random
wandering dog.)
STAN: (takes a piff off a joint) This is great shit we got up in here, bro!
KYLE: (takes the joint, and takes a drag) Urgh. Dude, it'd be better if you hadn't put ano ano in it.
STAN: That's what gives it flavor, man!
KYLE: No, that's what makes it taste like crap.
STAN: Hey, man, that's it! We're not a team anymore!
KYLE: But--
STAN: NO BUTS!
KENNY: (That's it. I'm going home.)
(He opens the side door, and, getting out, sets both feet on the road just in time for a semi to plow into the poor boy and splatter him along the road, leaving a trail ofod iod in the middle of the pavement. The others look on, stunned.)
STAN: Oh, my god, they killled Kenny!
(Kyle says nothing. Stan looks at him, waiting.)
KYLE: (holding a syringe in his right hand, his left sleve rolled up) What? I'm shooting up here.
(Stan's house, present day, early morning. The boy emerges onto his porch, and stretches before walking toward his mailbox. He looks over and sees Sparky on top of Clyde's dog, Clyde's dog yipping in panic.)STANSTAN: Sparky, get down! Bad dog! (pulls letter out of mailbox and, after opening it, starts reading.) 'You have been invited to Mr. Hat's Wonderful Island Of Shockingly Scary and Spooky Things". (pauses, then goes indise the house.) Hey,
Shelley!! You wanna go on a vacation?? The place sounds perfect for you!! (After a few seconds, there is a loud WHAM and Stan yelps.)
KYLE: (as Stan re-enters.) What happened to you, dude?
STAN: (blinking through his new right black eye.) Nothing.
(Island. Stan, carrying his baggage, with Sparky following him, gets off the boat, and steps onto the sandy beach, looking around.)
STAN: Goddamn, it's like 150 degrees here. Maybe I should've left my coat and hat at home.
KYLE: (from nearby.) Maybe we should've.
STAN: Kyle! What the hell are you doing here? And why am I being nice to you all of a sudden when we left things off on a sour note?
WENDY: Hello, Stan.
STAN: Hello, Wendy. How's Token?
WENDY: Who?
STAN: Never mind.
BEBE: Something weird is going on here. Look at all the other tourists.
(They all look. The other people on the island are walking around stiffly, almost zombie-like. Sparky is humping the leg of a guy who doesn't even act like anything's going on at all.)
STAN: Sparky! Get down! I bet I can solve this mystery first.
WENDY: Not if I do.
BEBE: Lots of luck beating me to it first, Wendy.
KYLE: You guys are all losers! The credit for solving this case is as good as mine. (grins for a minute or so, until he frowns and looks down in the direction of his feet.) Sparky! Get the hell offa me!
(Some Castle. Stan and Sparky are exploring the territory for clues when quite suddenly, the dog farts.)
STAN: Good dog, Sparky! That one stank and I bet it burned, too! But mine's better!! (farts.)
(The two get into a farting contest, neither of them noticing Weenteentering the room, who watches them a sea second or two, and then starts looking sickened.)
WENDY: Well, at least now I know why I dumped you. (clamps her nose shut.)
STAN: (sees her, and barfs.)
WENDY: EW!
(Some underground cavern, much later, after an insufferable hour of red herrings, and incoherent "plot" twists, our gang is creeping around the tunnels, looking for clues. Bebe, at the very back of the line, tries to scream as someone grabs her from behind, putting a hand over her mouth. The rest of them just trek on for a while, nobody really noticing that the girl is missing.)
KYLE: (finally looks behind him, sees she's gone.) Hey, guys! Bebe's missing!
STAN: So?
CARTMAN: Good. Screw that ho.
WENDY: Yeah. (They all keep walking, except for Kyle.)
KYLE: But... (looks back, where loud moaning is heard.) Ah, screw it. Wait up! (follows the others.)
STAN: Oh my god! Kitty Kitty sttheitheir souls!
KYLE: (walks up.) YOSTARSTARDS!
(Stan's not lying. At the controls of a very large robot, Kitty is laughing maniacally as another random character gets his soul extracted, turning him into a stiff, wooden, emotionless zombie-like thing.)
KYLE: Well, that explains a lot. Like Mr. Garrison's behavior, for example.
CARTMAN: This explains nothin', jew! Why the hell is Kitty here?! (raises his voice several octaves.) THAT'S A VERY BAD KITTY!!!
KYLE: (looks panicked.) Cartman, no! (tries to put a hand over his mouth.)
KITTY: (too late loe looks up and sees them.) SEIZE THEM!!
KYLE: Cartman, you dumbass!!
(Cavern. The gang is tied up. Kitty is gloating.)
KITTY: You see, I'm going to suck the souls from every last human on this planet!!
WENDY: But why?
KITTY: Why? WHY?! Too long my feline kind have been oppressed by humanity!! Too long have we been seen as "fat, lazy critters" who serve no purpose whatsoever!! Now it is time to change that... WITH MY OWN ARMY OF ZOMBIES!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Suddenly, Bebe bursts in, Sparky following.)
Bebe: GUYS! I found Sparky, and... (the dog runs up to the robot, and starts humping its' left leg.)
KITTY: ARGH!! Get the hell off of me!! (the robot falls over, taking Kitty with it.) GAHHH!!!
(KER-RASH!!)
STAN: Sparky! Where have you been, boy?!
SPARKY: (woofs.)
STAN: I'll send Rin-Tin-Tin's and Benji's owners personal apologies, then.
(Beach. Everyone on the island is there, re-ensouled and happy, while Stan and the others see Kitty off to the pound.)
STAN: well, we solved the mystery, ruined Kitty's evil plans, reunited as team, and, most importantly, finally got Sparky to stop humping everything that's male in sight.
KITTY: (fuming) Damn you all! I'll get my revenge! I would've gotten away with this if it hadn't happened for you pesky kids and that dog named... AHH!! GET THIS MUTT OFF ME!!!
STAN: Sparky, GET DOWN!!
NEXT: I Am Sam.