Oh, Marceline!

“Please don’t get drunk on me, PB,” said the vampire queen.  “The last thing I need right now is having to save you from a gang rape.”

“Please, Marceline.  I don’t drink alcohol.  Do you know what that stuff does to you?”

“I’m sure you could spend the next half hour telling me, but I’m not in the mood for that either.”

After their little adventure at Finn and Jake’s house, the two friends had wandered all over Ooo for several weeks.  Princess Bubblegum cast off her royal duties and seemed to be fully embracing every aspect of her new life, but Marceline was actually starting to get annoyed with the bubbly princess.  Her unexpected enthusiasm was taking its toll on the Vampire Queen, and she was thinking of ditching Princess Bubblegum altogether. 

Each morning Marceline hoped the princess would wake up crying and begging to go back home, but she remained painfully pleasant and ready for new experiences.  There seemed to be no turning back.  She still loved her little PB, but enough was enough.  And it was only a matter of time before something went wrong.

Now they found themselves at a random party they weren’t invited to.  It was some sort of beach party, and there were all sorts of party guests.

“Don’t be so grumpy,” said the princess with a playfully scolding look on her face.  “You’re the one that brought us here.  Let’s have some fun!  Fun with…friends!  Yes!  Lots of new friends!”

“It’s just…there’re a lot of crafty looking dudes here, Bonnibel,” said Marceline with painfully obvious worry in her voice.

“Aww!  You’re worried about me.”

“What?” screeched the vampire with sudden annoyance.  “No way!  I’m just getting sick of babysitting your fruity behind all over Ooo.  This kind of party would be fun by myself, but with you—”

“This party looks quite civil to me.  You’re just grumpy, you patoot.”

Marceline stared at her and casually wiped her nose.

“I’m not grumpy,” she groaned.  “And by the way, I think you’re being a little too…happy,” she shouted with her hands in the air.  “You’re taking this whole running away thing a little too well.  I don’t want your head to explode when your prissy princess problems catch up with you.”

Princess Bubblegum leaned in toward Marceline and grabbed her cheeks.

“Grumpy grumpy doesn’t want to party,” she giggled.

“Ugh!  Fine!  Enjoy your stupid party.  I need a break from all your pink…”

Marceline floated away in a moody cloud of angst, and Princess Bubblegum was left by herself.  She crossed her arms and pouted.

“Nice threads, babe,” said a random party guest as he walked by.

“Thank you,” replied Bubblegum as her cheerful attitude returned.

She looked down to admire the outfit she had picked out.  A two piece swimsuit certainly wasn’t the most modest thing in the world, but she was feeling adventurous.  She daintily adjusted her top when she noticed a tiny hint of cleavage.

The princess spent a quite a long time at the party without running into any of the supposed troubles that Marceline was worried about.  After dancing next to a group of pigs standing on each other’s shoulders, Bubblegum decided to find something to drink.

“I’ll see you guys later, kay?”

The pigs winked at her as she walked away; her round cheeks gave them a good show as they swayed back and forth in her tight pink and white striped swimsuit.

“One beverage please,” she said to the guy passing out drinks.

“What’ll ya have?”

“Something fun!  …with oranges!  Oodles of oranges!”  The princess smacked her hands together to emphasize her enthusiasm.

“Splendid!  So you enjoy fun?”

“Well of course!  This is a party afterall.” answered the princess with a sweet smile and her hands on her hips.

“Indeed it is, young lady.  Now do be careful.  This beverage is quite a doozy.  May I see some identification to verify you are old enough for such a drink?”

“What?”

“Oh I’m merely joking.  Here you go,” said the fat little bartender as he handed her the drink.

“This…this isn’t alcohol is it?” said Princess Bubblegum as she examined the orange liquid.

“Yes.  I thought that’s what you wanted.  I could prepare something just as fun without alcohol if you’d like.”

“Well…” the princess hesitated.  “That won’t be necessary.  It would be rude to make you go through so much trouble.  Besides…just one drink will only add to the fun.”

Five minutes later…

“Who wants to dance with a flippin’ real princess?!”

Princess Bubblegum was completely drunk and was walking (or trying to…) around the party looking for potential dance partners, but even the pigs she’d been dancing with were a little freaked out by her behavior.  It turned out that the party wasn’t as wild as it seemed, and Princess Bubblegum was actually quite out of place now that she was out of control.

“I got a crown…a CROWN!”

“It looks like more like a tiara to me,” shouted a random party guest from the crowd.

“Who said that?” said the princess.  “Clearly you don’t know anything about anything, ya dumb butt.”

Princess Bubblegum tripped and caught herself by grabbing onto a nearby minotaur’s legs.

“Whoops!  How silly of me.  Well since I’m down here anyway…” said the princess.

She looked up at the minotaur with a wink and a goofy smile on her face before her hand slipped underneath his loincloth.  The minotaur let out a quiet squeak, and his eyes grew wide. 

“I think you need to hide this thing better.  Anyone could…” Princess Bubblegum started to giggle uncontrollably.  “…just reach down here and grab it.”

“Um, little lady…” said the minotaur with a quiver in his voice.  “I don’t think you should be doing that here.”

Princess Bubblegum stood back up with her wobbly legs barely supporting her, and she leaned up against the minotaur’s muscular chest.  Her cheek was smashed against his rock hard pecs, and her drunken speech came out even goofier than before.

“Lighten up,” she said as she gave his balls a playful grope.  “It’s a party, ya big…large…massive…” her words began to trail off, and a glob of drool dripped down her bottom lip.  “…huge…enormous…” her hand continued to explore between the minotaur’s legs while her other hand was pressed against his abs. “…large...uh…big…party pooper, you!”

The minotaur ignored the drunk princess and looks around to see if anyone noticed what was happening.  He closed his eyes and sighed when he didn’t see anyone looking over at them.  The rest of the party guests must have given up on paying attention to her.

“Yeah…” continued the Bubblegum.  “That’s what you are…a big ol’ party pooper!”

“I really need to get back to the…uh…BATHROOM!” said the minotaur with sudden excitement from his sneaky excuse to escape.

“Ooh!  Can I watch?” begged Princess Bubblegum with her own sudden burst of excitement.

“What?!”

“You gotta pee, right?  That like…involves penises and stuff.  I’m totally into that.  I’m a scientist, you know.”

The minotaur looked down at the princess with a mixed look of confusion and disgust, and he quickly dashed through the crowed as stealthily as he could.  He didn’t want to draw attention to himself, but it was hard not to with a drunk princess holding onto his ankle and giggly uncontrolably as he made his way to the bathroom.

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