All About the Anthonys

The guys were absolutely right. They were in big trouble. Jessica had described what had happened in excruciating detail to the other wives. As if their embarrassment about the whole affair wasn’t bad enough, they were all in the collective doghouse.

The next day, they all gathered together in Peter and Dana’s suite. They sat around the TV/VCR, getting ready to watch the tape Tom had sent over of the attempted bust. Perhaps there was something useful on it as Jessica had supposed.

They all watched as the Ghostbusters moved with lightning quickness in their attempt to bust the ghost. As always, the wives were impressed with their skills, but they had bee been a little irked by what Peter said to the ghost. No wonder she was so pissed.

Finally, they came to the place where Egon approached her with the trap. She screeched and the guys all fell to the ground a few seconds later, clutching their crotches, and screaming in agony.

Winston: “Holy *BEEP*-ing *BEEP*!”

Peter: “*BEEP*! You *BEEP*! You sneaky *BEEP*!”

Eddie: “Oh *BEEP*! Oh *BEEP*! Oh *BEEP*! Oh *BEEP*!”

Ray: “Ahh!!! My *BEEP*!”

Jake: “Oh my *BEEP*-ing God!!! What the *BEEP*?!?”

Neil: “Make it stop! Make it stop!! Make it *BEEP*-ing stop!!!!”

Egon (notorious for understatements): “*BEEP*!”

The wives all looked at Jessica curiously. She shrugged. “It’s been edited for television.”

As the wives watched their husbands and Neil writhing in pain, they found that they couldn’t stay angry with them any longer. Not one woman was able to resist the urge to give a comforting hug and kiss to her beloved. Then came the part of the tape when Jessica came to their aid.

Jessica: “Jake! Talk to me, Sweetheart! What do you want me to do?” pause “No one messes with my baby, *BEEP*!”

They watched as Jessica tried to fire on the ghost, fell, and got back up blasting. The wives all cheered her on, even though it was a tape. “You took to that thing a helluva lot faster than Tex and Spengs, Jess,” Peter said. He then described how their first “proton pack test” was on a maid’s cart in the Sedgewick Hotel. Everyone laughed, even Ray and Egon who had mellowed considerably about that embarrassing ordeal.

On the tape, as Jessica was talking to the ghost to negotiate the guys’ release, Tom had done a close-up of her and the ghost. Janine recognized her at once. “I’ll be damned! Sharon was right! It is Susan B. Anthony!”

She drew curious stares from the others. “How could you know that?” Egon asked.

“Well, when Neil said Sharon thought it was Susan B., I looked into it. I found pictures of her at the congressional library, and that’s definitely her.” She turned to Neil. “Neil, can you call Sharon? I think she should come over and tell us what she knows.” Neil sighed and nodded. He was ashamed of facing her after what had happened. He was surprised to find that she treated him no differently and still seemed to like him a lot. In fact, she was more concerned about him than anything else.

She came to the hotel and sat down with the Ghostbusters and their wives, explaining what had transpired in the board meeting aow tow the ghost first appeared in that same meeting room. She told them, “I’d be happy to help you, but I don’t think you should capture Susan B. Anthony. There just seems to be something wrong about t”
”

Peter chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah. We know. I’m sorry I pissed her off so bad, guys.”

Eddie clapped him on the back. “It’s okay buddy. But we have to do something. We can’t just let her keep doing what she’s doing. She’s eventually going to hurt someone.” The other guys all looked at him disbelievingly. “Oh . . . uh, I mean she’ll hurt someone else!” He then crossed his legs, an unconscious habit that each of the man had acquired over the last day.

“Agreed,” Egon said. “And I think I know how we can do this safely.” Everyone gave him their attention. “You see, I’m willing to bet that this ghost only has the ability to hurt men with the power she used on us. Perhaps we can fool her and throw her off guard.”

“How?” Jake asked.

“By confronting her with men who aren’t really men.”

Peter pulled a face. “English, Egon! If you’re gonna talk to normal people, you’re gonna have to use English!”

Egon rolled his eyes. “It’s very simple. Let me explain.”