Aries Parries Queries

Title: Aries Parries Queries

Author: pronker

Setting: Sometime during the run of the show

Summary: Incoming new orders blast the team from peace to - not-peace.

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"Men, today we learn to cry."

Private looked up from his fifty-three reps of curls to be followed by ninety-nine burpees per schedule. "Wot?"

Rico dropped the frisbee he was about to pitch between Kowalski's legs, a surefire way to fine tune quick response time. "Ahnogrommtzkwy," he stated firmly before crossing his flippers.

"Sir" - Kowalski peered upside down between his legs in the approved bent position to fend off the attack and hopefully score a catch - "one question: Why would we make ourselves miserable deliberately?"

Questions? He could field questions. "At ease, team."

Kowalski straightened, Rico's expression turned warier still and Private approached after settling the weights back onto their holders. He tapped his flipper tips together in that way he had.

"Skippa, is this another of your jokes that I will never understand because it's too grown up for me?"

Rico relaxed into a big grin that showcased his scar. "Haw!"

Skipper sipped his fish coffee slowly, settling his sacroiliac against their all purpose table. He placed his coffee on the smooth surface, thrusting himself upwards to sit there before taking his coffee once more. "The Big Boss instituted a new drill to get in touch with your feelings and after that, you cry."

"And to what purpose? Why would I wish to cry?" Kowalski put on his lecturing face. "Crying elevates blood pressure, increases woe and too many other things to list - "

"Because it will make you feel good, Science Boy." Skipper swung his legs and sipped more java. He'd known this new routine that had yet to be named would turn problematical.

"Cwaaaaaaazyyyy." Rico was the least likely penguin to disobey orders and at his statement, Skipper's brow creased. He swirled his joe and awaited developments he could pilot into an acceptable port.

"I feel happy now," Private said slowly. Skipper could hear in the youngest team member's voice that he wanted to believe the new routine would benefit his commando training, yet was having trouble syncing his brain with his emotions. "I just aced more curls than ever before in my life!"

"Yay!" cheered Rico. Rico proved adept at deflecting attention from himself, Skipper reflected.

"And I plan an exciting new experiment, oh no time travel, sir, because I learned my lesson about that - "

"Yeah, Kowalski," interrupted Skipper, still in charge, feeling his way to getting to yessir as his OCS training demanded, "but you haven't learned about your feelings."

Kowalski drooped. "As you all know, an acknowledged weakness is understanding my feelings." His beak hit his chest. "And women."

Skipper used the minutes of silence following this bald exposure to drain his cup. "After you get in touch with your feelings, you will feel bad. Then you'll cry, which will make you feel good." He downed the sardine in one gulp.

"I believe I'll just be passin' over gettin' in touch with my feels," Private avowed in not quite a chirp, not quite an insubordinate I won't and you can't make me. "I'll go straightaway from happy to happy." He headed for the weight rack's dumbbells until Skipper's tennnn-hut! stiffened everyone's spine as they faced front.

Skipper speared them all with a gimlet gaze but his voice remained calm. "Crying will help you pick up ladies."

"So let's think about this a minute," Kowalski began. "Tell us more about this new drill. For instance, is the Big Boss absotively set on it, is it for all bases or just Central Park Zoo's and how does it benefit the service?"

Every eye stayed rivetted on their leader, who hid a smile. He was ready, he was taut, he was toned. "The Big Boss developed this routine, so yes, it's her baby. For the good of our species, she wants all her troops to form solid relationships with potential mates which means she pushes for penguins in touch with their inner lives. A sensitive bird versus a bird unable to state his feelings because he can't identify them" - Kowalski studied his toes - "a bird dodging feelings because feelings might prove too upsetting to him" - Private's beak wibbled - "and a bird loving a doll who couldn't show feelings if she tried." Er, uh, that last came out skewed but Rico hung his head after a guilty glance at his precious Miss Perky asprawl on his bunk.

Miss Perky's smile never faltered as she remained silent.

"I need more data, if you would be so kind, sir."

That's laying it on a scosche thick the commander thought but outwardly Skipper said, "A little self-improvement never hurt anyone, I agree. And" - he deployed a tactic touted by his old instructor as strategically most effective - "I myself could have a go at getting in touch with my feelings. It's been a long time and I'm not even sure where to look, but I'll give it a try with you all, what say, boys?"

A chorus of yeahs cheered his innards.

"Wait a minute!" Kowalski's baritone rang out. "Feelings regarding f-females, so does this mean our zoo considers adding delightful members of the opposite sex to our home sweet habitat?"

Rico did not join Kowalski's or Private's caperings at the news. "Ahgrommtztwansferzout." As two of his teammates froze mid-jeté, he continued, "Ferus."

Uh oh, a step backwards from getting to yessir. There was only one answer to the glitch. Skipper purged concerns from his voice. "I can neither confirm nor deny rumors regarding any zoo transfers, incoming or outgoing."

He waited until the murmuring died down. "I can say the Big Boss never does anything without a reason. Remember when Manfredi and Johnson pulled that lame stunt and lost their warrants?"

Glum nods all around as he pursued his beachhead with, "Well, they violated the penguin credo, so what else could she do?"

Three shrugs. "Never swim alone, boys. You three won't and I won't and she won't oh you know what I mean."

Kowalski sassed with aplomb granted from his second-in-command status. "Not even remotely."

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TBC