The Joys of Married Love

It all starts when Toki wakes up. He is aware that you should never start a day by waking up (it’s just no good), but it’s habit that’s hard to kick. So he smacks his lips and turns over and smacks his arm into Skwisgaar’s face.

“Ow! TOKI you dumb dildoes!” Skwisgaar doesn’t even have his eyes open. But when something goes wrong, he always shouts Toki, and this time he was correct.

“You gots no business sleeping in my bed!” Toki complains.

“I’s not in your bed. It’s my bed.”

“How do YOU know?”

“’Cause I never sleeps in your bed.”

“You don’ts even sees! You still got your eyes shut, do you know what cities we’re in, even?!”

“No. But in my beds.”

“Oh yeah? Then do YOUR beds have a scarf over de bed wit’ Just Marrieds on it? Huh?”

Now Skwisgaar does open his sticky eyes. “I feared dat’s woulds happen. One days.” He sits up. “Where’s de ladies?”

Toki looks around the hotel room. There’s nothing here that he recognizes. It’s just a very bleak and cheap hotel room. He looks down. He has slept in all his clothes, and even his shoes.

But most importantly, there’s no sign of a lady anywhere.

“Dere’s no ladies.”

Skwisgaar draws a deep breath and swings his legs out of bed. “She musts be in de baths. Dey always is in movies.” He staggers two steps to the narrow bathroom door, and then comes back. “No… ladies in dere. What’s dat?”

The only thing that doesn’t seem to belong to the hotel is a bunch of paper sheets on the table. Skwisgaar picks them up and has a look. “Oh. Oh.” He puts them down again, picks them up again, inspects them closely, and then puts them back down.

Toki watches as Skwisgaar rubs his forehead with his palms. In his head, he tries to solve the puzzle. “You means… dere was a ladies and we married her boths but now she’s gone??”

Skwisgaar looks up. His eyes are bloodshot. It takes him a few seconds to answer. “Dere’s no ladies.” He rubs his head some more. “Toki, how much dids we drink last night?”

“Lots.” Toki chuckles.

“You remembers anyt’ing? At all?”

“No. You?”

“Toki?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember you gots married?”

“No. I wanna know who I marrieds. You needs to know dat, at least.”

Skwisgaar sits on the bed and snorts out a short laugh. “Shoots me. Shoots me now before I does it myself.”

“What?” Toki can sense that something is wrong. He leans over and touches Skwisgaar’s arm. Skwisgaar stiffens. “Where’s de ladies? She’s real greedy, marry boths of us and leaves us after de wedding night!”

“Toki, you can’ts marries two guy at once.”

“What’s going on heres?” Toki wonders and scratches his chin.

“We gots married.”

“Yeah, but with who?”

“Wit’ just us.”

This takes a moment to sink in. “What, likes… gays marriage?”

“Yep.”

Toki rubs Skwsigaar’s arm some more. He’s confident about the situation. “Don’t worries. Charlie can fix it. We just gets a divorced, and everyt’ing is like before.”

Skwisgaar looks at Toki, then at himself, and their wrinkled clothing. Wrinkled, but present. “Okay, fine. But dids we do anyt’ing gays last night?”

Toki mentally checks his body. He rolls his eyes with the effort. “My ass’s not hurt. Yours?”

“I means more like snoggings and blow job.”

“I don’t knows.”

“Me neither.”

This is when Skwisgaar snaps and starts to scream. Charles is in a for a very interesting day.