it's a good base for a story but all I've read so far feels like one chaptor broken up because you couldn't be bothred to wait till it was finished or wrot it quick little chucnk's while at work or something, to this I say you should take it down and fix them together into one chaptor that would end at the end of the day or when something big happened like a fight that made one of them storm out of the room/house.
the ideal of switching persepctives is a nice one but a little jaring, this is just my persinal feeling towards writing but I like tired person perspectives over first person unless their inner thoughts or letters with in the story.
forgot to say that I do like it so far and I lookforeword to a lot more, maybe a "fuck any chance they can" relationship with Lisay develuping a lust for anal and oral.
such a good story!
good start! cant wait for more