That was, by far, the best fanfic I've read in my entire life. I've read novels that were less gripping and been on drug trips less experimental. I've seen horror movies less disgusting, and died less at the end of a run. I struggle to put into words, just how grim and awful and fantastic this work is. I honestly don't know what's going to happen next, but I can safely say you've raised the bar in terms of loud house fanfiction, and shattered my conception of the show, characters, head canon, and the concept of fictional rape itself. I'm as curious as I am horrified at what will happen next.
Can't believe how well written this is for fanfiction, a medium I once vehemently decided only brought mediocrity. Each character seems completely in line with themselves, nothing feels shoehorned in. It flows seamlessly from dark to erotic to dark. The thrill of the scenes followed by the genuine concern for Lincoln's well being has me strangley relating to the sisters in the story as I wait with bated breath for the next highly detailed description of debauchery despite knowing the damage it does to Lincoln. I can't wait to see what's in store for the Loud family. While the story plunges our protagonist deeper into the dark well of despair, I still find myself hoping even bad love can conquer all and bring Lincoln back from the depths of despair once all his sisters display their true, if taboo affection for him. Weave your tale as you please dear Author and pay no mind to anxiety or high expectations , your fans will be patiently waiting for your next work no matter what it is.
DoctorYnot,
Thanks for the shoutout! Even if it was brief I'm glad that I was able to help encourage you. Though after this last chapter's exchange between Lynn and Lucy, I do feel bad for calling Lucy a creep. Especially since she is always my favorite (even if the first pic I ever saved, of all online dirty pics, was a cheesecake shot of proto Leni a year before the show premiered; now that little goth has stolen my blackened heart).
I am so happy (and traumatized) to see another chapter of this. Pretty much every time I got on the site for the first year after the last chapter was posted I was hoping to see another update, and I'd kind of given up hope. It sucks when the only things updating regularly are in fandoms you don't follow. So this was an unexpected surprise! I know you obsess and stress over each detail, so do I, but the quality of your writing really shines through for your efforts.
There were a few times I thought I had caught a grammatical mistake or misused word, but rereading the lines always showed you were correct and that you have put an exceptional amount of polish into this. I just hope you might get a new chapter up sooner than later, but waiting for quality is preferred to getting unedited, unreadable, and uninspired smut just thrown together. Stories like this always make me want to put my own ideas and plots to paper, but I definitely enjoy being taken on a ride by a talented guide more than fighting my way through my own indecisiveness. I'm impressed you have put so much effort in your own writing.
This chapter was very good, and I appreciated the information you added (maybe in response to my comment? I'll at least pretend it was) about how often Lori is indulging, and her growing boldness. Though it was still hard to tell if Leni had or hadn't done anything since her chapter. Also, the lines about Luna and Luan were nice chances to see their fragile emotional states and how they are processing their guilt.
However, this chapter was really hard to read. At some points I had to take a break, and at others I couldn't stop myself from reading more. I often paused and tried to think about how the story might go if it were to have a happy ending, or if Lincoln snapped and started taking it out on the younger sisters, or on Lori in a role reversal. The moment when he realized that he couldn't have an innocent hug with his sisters or even his mother anymore was so unsettling.
I still think you've done a great job with the motivations of each sister, and using the accidental voyeurism of Lynn and Lucy to motivate and accelerate their actions was smart. Especially where Lincoln has been broken down for weeks, if not months, at this point, so his outward response is not the same as it would have been had they seen his "first time" when he still had some fight left. Lori's actions and her perverse glee in tormenting him, yet her vulnerability when he tries to avoid her, makes it hard to really understand her motivations, but more compelling.
Your depiction of Lincoln's mental state, especially how it has become harder and harder for him to pretend things are normal, and yet how quickly he lies to cover for his sisters, is so devastating. Especially in light of the #metoo movement during the interim since your last update. There were many moments where I just wanted Lincoln to overcome his inner fears and accept that he DID enjoy what was happening, and for him to be happy and reciprocate. But that is just the influence of the double standard so embedded in my mind that a boy who has an experience like this should be ecstatic and enthusiastic. When Lincoln told Lynn that he had been raped, I was optimistically unsure where you were going to take the story.
Which brings us to Lynn. In hindsight it went about how it really should have been expected to go, even if I had hoped otherwise. This chapter was so effective in painting a picture of her emotions and her desires that when Lincoln tried to reject her confession I honestly felt bad for her. All the details about their lives together and how close they were made it hurt so badly when she felt rejected. As an only child, incest fantasies "do it for me" because of a longing for that lifelong closeness I can't experience. Which ultimately made her betrayal and assault so much worse. I hated where it was going, but I couldn't stop reading once it started, and any arousal I had built up during the story was just killed dead in that moment. I've seen several stories from the rapist's perspective, where you can see glimpses of how deluded they were to see love and acceptance in the fear and passivity their target is displaying. You wrote it well, but it is troubling, especially because I hate nonconsensual stories. This story is like a slow-motion train wreck that I just can't stop watching.
Your descriptions of the "romance" scenes were very good, but, as I mentioned, by the time I was reading them there was no way I could enjoy it. Lynn's encounter had lots of good detail, but it was hard to see her blind passion and cruel, bullying nature overwhelming Lincoln's pain and indignation. It just felt sordid and dirty, no matter how much she spoke of love.
You've painted Lincoln into a corner, and his lack of protests at the end was a sad indication of where the story is going. Especially with the chapter's earlier focus on not giving up. The only thing I'm unsure of is if the continued injustices against Lincoln will turn him callous, and if he'll truly break, and maybe even take out his frustrations on the twins, or if Lola's dominant personality and envy will make her be the one to take the "initiative." At the close it felt like he was completely resigned, but his love for his sister's, even when it is used to manipulate him, is still preventing him from turning his anger outward. I don't know if that is the direction you are planning to go, but my sense of "justice" wants to see his sisters get their due. I kind of want him to fight back, take charge, or run away (suicide is never a good option, and I certainly wondered if he might not consider it, but the pain it would cause seems too out of his nature, even if he was being vindictive).
Lastly, I really wasn't expecting to get Lucy in this chapter, and am maybe a little miffed it cut off mid-scene, but it was a strong way to end the chapter regardless. The implications for the rest of the night alone are horrifying. I really do love Lucy, because I feel like so many authors have given her a very sensitive side that makes me want to just care for and protect her, doom-and-gloom and all. So to read your descriptions of how repulsive Lincoln found the scenario, and the obscene way she mimicked a romantic seduction, really put the disturbing reality of such a situation in clear contrast to her loving thoughts. When you read an erotic comic on pixiv it is easy to think about the characters independent of their ages or what a real person in such a situation ought to be thinking and feeling. This illicit farce reminds the reader how inappropriate the whole scene is very bluntly, and condemningly. You might have ruined Lucycoln for me in fact.
I did think it was clever to have the blood left from Lynn's attack be a lusty trigger for Lucy, and her acting out her vampiric fantasies was a nice touch. And to highlight Lincoln's scars, physical and emotional, that she was prodding unintentionally. Out of all the sisters I felt like she might have had a chance for a mutual seduction or romance. I just really held out hope that one of his sisters would be able to have a caring, reasonable, and emotionally sound relationship with him, even if it meant an understanding that nothing more could happen than sibling love. Unrequited, but unmolested.
I think the line that really made this chapter feel so perverse, even more than the previous ones, which I now need to reread, was the point Lincoln made about how after Lori, "They were always so grateful." Lincoln is always written to be unreasonably obsequious to his sisters so to have Lori break down a barrier that shouldn't have been crossed, and then each following sister just be glad to be involved, makes the whole affair that much worse. They are grateful, but only because he is letting them be so selfish.
You have made a such a detailed world, with interpersonal relationships and nuance, and it has been a pleasure to see it develop.
I should stop blathering on or my review will end up as long as the chapter itself (I knew I had a lot to say so I went to a keyboard instead of my phone this time, but that just made me type even more).
I hope you keep writing, keep overcoming your personal challenges and real-life roadblocks, and don't agonize over the details too much.
Thanks and Good Luck!
-Pixel-King
(P.S. I just saw another reviewer had called this "too contrived and unpleasant" and thinks that your depictions of the characters makes them too selfish or stupid, but I can tell you've put a lot of thought into giving them motivations and blind spots that fit with their personalities. Let's be honest, ten girls (and a novelist mother?) falling for one guy, especially their own brother, is the type of contrived plot you only get in a harem anime. This story is a fascinating look at what some of the ramifications would be for a young man just leaving boyhood in such a scenario, and how he might actually feel if he is constantly taken advantage of by his loved ones. Keep writing and ignore the unconstructive complaints, you have plenty of support from people who want to give you positive feedback, constructive criticism, and earnest corrections [which are few and far between, seriously, I'd offer to be a beta for you, but you seem to have editing down solid {P.M me if you need one though!}].)
Two years I have waited. Two years wondering if my long sense of patience would prevail. And now, at last, here you are. I must say it is well worth the wait. Your grasp of these twisted characters is astounding and believable, even with how absurdly unlikely it is six sisters would all rape their own brother. You make it seem like this is the one situation out of billions where its possible. And even though its my own messed up fetish I couldn't help but hope that, as I read, Lynn would be the one who would realize what was happening. Maybe their encounter would be slightly consensual. But it wasn't in the slightest. And the pause before Lucy? Brilliant. I thought that would be saved for the next chapter.
Ignore the negative nancy who says its getting too dark. The darkness breathes life into this story, gives it horrible murky form with which to entertain your readers.
If there's one thing I'd like to see more of, it's Lincoln's school life. Show how it manuevers through his school friends and aquantences without revealing how broken he is inside. Maybe have them assign a social worker to try and help him through his issues. And some food for thought, maybe show him becoming more beastial. If he can't escape, then the next best thing is to submit. To become mindless in the thralls of pleasure, ignoring exactly who he is currently with. Maybe he can inititiate the next encounter, simply to get it over with, and partially because he's become accustomed to it. Or just have the young twins smack him around together. Whichever works for the story arc you have planned.
Again, thank you for putting this work of art into written form. You have a way with words I can only envy from afar.
Dear Boogerboy and Pixel-King
Real mature there telling DoctorYnot to ignore my review just because it's overly negative. I bet while you were fuming about it, he simple read it, went "Oh well, can't please everybody" and went along in his merry way.
Also, it's just one negative review in a sea of people praising the fic, why do you care about it? And at least I'm trying to be constructive on what I feel about the fic rather than just going "lol dis fic sux".
Granted i admit that calling DoctorYnot a "Straw Nihilist" was bit much, and I'm really sorry about that Ynot, that was really uncalled for. No hard feelings? And is there any other problems with my review that you would like to tell me?
Wow. That was a roller coaster of emotion. Another great chapter, if not the best so far.
It got DARK, fits well into the theme and subject matter, you characterize each of the kids so well I can't help but hope for things to turn out well for them, and when it all went wrong it hit me right in the gut. The expanded exploration of the previous sisters and how they are dealing with regret and their own coping mechanisms was my favorite part, that and when Lincoln talked with his dad really got me. Both of the parent’s worries and fears for their kids was masterfully executed.
Thanks for keeping with this story, I was really excited when I saw there was a new chapter. Life can blindside you, and taking the time to get it just right is worth it.
Thanks for the shout out as well :) if you liked the comic I can maybe do a second instillation, I couldn’t help but try to do an illustration of one of the scenes in this too. I’ll put it up if it turns out.
That was quite the update.
Let me just say, I’d have been humbled to have made any beneficially constructive influence over your work, but to warrant a shout out? I’m honored. I dearly hope that you saw my original reviews as positive and helpful in your aspiration to steadily improve as a writer and post quality work. However, I had no intention of ever making you second guess yourself, and for that I apologize. Also, in retrospect, my eager predictions were rather unnecessary and quite rude— though I see them as simple gestures of veneration. Perhaps they were fair examples of the point I’d originally made, but it’s unfair to even possibly limit your creative decisions, and for that I’m sorry as well. It’s difficult to live up to pre-set expectations, and I want to assure you, all I or anyone else here expected of you was your best, and dude you delivered.
Ch5 is simply wonderful. Your decision to focus on two sisters did add some new flair, without detracting from the tone or from Lincoln’s suffering. If anything, it added to it. It was poignant that both of them revealed that their long lasted love for him only after seeing him under Lori. Decisions fittingly in line with the rest of the story, obviously. I also enjoyed the amount of exposure the currently, indirectly involved family members received. It adds just enough to the ambiance. That said, my mind always sways back to Lori, and her decisions and actions. They rightfully seem the focal points of each occurrence, and whether or not she knows of each thing that happens, she seemingly loves it all. The imagery of Lincoln’s likeness to being her pet was what first stood out to me.
Anyway, very nice Chapter.
I literally couldn't stop reading this newest chapter. I just love this beautifully broken art that you have put so much emotion into. Thank you