Chapter 9 had some pretty powerful and critical story advancement, to say the least.
SPOILERS!
Easing into it with everything seeming fine (or better than fine) then switching to Star's nice dream… then discovering her minor mistake were subtle enough not to raise the alarm. Only when Star's agitated thoughts leaked out and then she caught herself was it clear the ooze was starting to affect her. The bit about the sheen the next morning was a nice bit of symbolism too as it represent encasing and trapping the real start. (Or maybe I'm just reading way too much into it.) Her insensitivity and hostility the next morning hit pretty hard.
BTW, I'm really surprised you didn't get my reference about her dissing the nachos, but perhaps I wasn't grasping the context of the story as well as I thought.
As for the emergence of the shadow personality, I found it very creepy and disturbing on a few levels. The bit about her image in the mirror flashing that mocking smile once Star realized what was happening – what had just become complete – was brilliant. The thought of being locked-in is pretty horrifying on its own, but I could feel (even relate) to her suffering as "she" started hurting those she loved, coolly and even dismissively. The cut-aways to her screams packed more punch than I think you even realize, especially as each verbal or emotional blow Darkstar landed on Marco made real Star weaker, less… (That's why I had to make such a terribly lame joke in the commentary to keep myself from being too affected, but I didn't want to be so cruel as to inflict it upon you. You don't deserve that.)
Thank goodness for Rogelio – or as I like to call him, The Absolute Mostest Bestest OC EVER! His keen observations skills, no doubt fueled by his affection for his grandson and the cheerful princess, plus is eccentric similes make him awesome. His advice really got Marco to think – and more importantly, to act without hesitation.
Aggressive Marco was fantastic, especially in his conviction as he confronted Darkstar a bit violently. However the switching to spankings was pretty funny, especially with real Star cheering him on. (Darkstar's comment was weird for such a bad girl, but perhaps she really prefers to give the spankings.) The fact that Tom didn't mind revealing his scheme and even gloating was a bad sign.
(As a side note, the fact that Marco could recognize Star's scent and, maybe to a lesser degree, his chosen method of attack, "intrigues" me a bit too. :))
However, even with all that conflict, pain, and even fighting, you still managed to add just the right bits of show-style humor, even in some dire moments, all seamlessly. That made it really feel like the show and much more enjoyable. Heck, Oskar's unintentional bad-ass comment was a total win.
Thanks for such gripping chapter.
I love everything about this story :)
Chapter 8 had all kinds of great action. :)
I'm so glad the "emergency" turned out to be a good thing, and definitely a good reason to interrupt Marco and Jackie. Even better is how the interruption and explanation gave Jackie an opening to move things along for them as well. Safe Kids is Smart Kid.
The lovemaking was wonderful, both in the action and in the beautiful descriptive imagery throughout. It was very sensual and also pretty hot. Jackie's bashful comment about doing it a lot more was cute, and Marco's response about the blueflower incense was a perfect little compliment.
Of course, Star and Oskar having raving screaming crazy monkeysex one booth over was pretty funny too.
Marco and Star's banter when the ambush was revealed was funny, and I loved the PC talk among the villains before attacking. Great description yet good pacing on the fight scene, plus good comebacks as always. Also, it was nice to see Marco a bit more easygoing and even appreciating some friendly ribbing here, like they've been working his character towards on the show.
The villains may be inept (or just seem inept) but, yikes, they got the job done and Star is none the wiser. It will be interesting to see how it takes hold on her and what side-issues that will bring about; combined with Tom's other machinations it all has me quite intrigued. Thanks for another terrific chapter.
Tom certainly is full of himself these days. I'm hoping that his smugness and the way he put down Janna comes back to haunt him. At least Boner's surprise for him was a step in the right direction. The soultini was a perfect netherworld reference, especially with the modified Bond-esque option.
The way the spa passes appeared was intriguing and very fun, in the show's style. Star may actually have a point about those squirrels… Star and Marco's back & forth about the potential for a trap was cute. Marco's ambivalence about Jackie wanting to go ahead anyway was cute, considering that he probably wishes she'd have a bit of Safe Kid in her too (not just Marquito ;) ) but was happy she wasn't holding bad feelings about the previous attack. Then when she was willing to true the blueflower incense with him, despite the mixed experience with the glowberries, that was a very hopeful sign.
The spa sounded like such a nice time that now I want to go, and the detail about their massages was so good that even I was starting to feel quite relaxed too. Janna was great, but I didn't internalize too much of Marco's technique, which is good because for a moment I was afraid he was going to confuse his fantasy with Star's and start biting. ;) Seriously though, it sounds like he did very well, plus it was cute that Jackie was comfortable topless while he worked. Nice imagery as Marco's confidence got an Obi-wan Kenobi boost from that image of Star saying nice things, making him go for it. Jackie's reaction to his ass-grab was quite delicious, but of course he's got a strong sense of duty for his friends, so awesome cliffhanger it is.
Knowing how well Marco and Jackie were doing together now I'm really curious to see how things between Star and Oskar went. Hopefully the emergency isn't anything too terrible – unless that's the fun. Thanks for another great chapter.
Chapter six is awesome. First off, the opener was a great resolution to the cliffhanger that led into some nice exposition: Oskar's fangs make sense now, plus Marco's teasing about it later was cute; I also like the bit about Star's excitability and Oskar's unflappability evening things out. Next, no surprise athletic and strong Jackie has a hardcore father. Nice of Marco to suggest the Nachos, and I especially like the quiet reverence Star used when backing up his claim about them.
It's refreshing to see Tom being a bit more self-aware as he works really hard on his new plan to win back Star. The amount of effort and discipline comes through, especially keeping himself from fuming and instead directing his efforts into something much more useful: Janna. I love how you touched on her thought process while sticking to the effective narrative tone of the story. (It's not safe to get too close to the crazy, perhaps. ;)) It's great timing – well, a great lucky accident – on Tom's part to make contact with Janna just after she discovered "the plan" and the pieces had fallen into place in her mind. (But what is it with Tom and public bathrooms?) He was very suave and smooth in the in-(full)-person meeting, not even needing to do a full brainwashing but just a light rinse to take advantage of all of her bubbling feelings and wants. She rationalized away any down-sides to his requests quite nicely, plus we know she's used to being a bit odd and a troublemaker, so any missteps are easily covered.
Oh, but I must respond: "What more did she have to do to show him that she was interested?" Answer: Finally graduate from third grade. :)
However, I loved her romantic imagery of Marco as her boyfriend, though Tom then made the excellent next step with his comment about him being between her thighs anytime she wanted. The guy really knows how to make a sale. I'm pretty sure I know what "the gift" for Star will be, but now I'm really looking forward to how he's going to implement his own plan and how he's going to make Jackie Lynn look bad in Marco's eyes. Is that even possible? Scarily enough, if Tom says so then I kind of have to believe it's true…
Anyway, excellent work. I hope this story stays high on your lengthy to-do list. Thanks.
The plot thickens... 0o0
(Disclaimer: I'm the beta reader.)
SPOILERS!
Chapter 5 was quite a great sneaky-sneak attack, most of all for being so fun while the conflicts rolled in and then abated with the kind of fun ease we associate with the show. I love the "cultural misunderstanding," both in practice of how it would be creepy to only give the drops to their dates and also Oskar's understanding; more importantly, no way Marco would have been able to wait one second longer than needed to get the spiking issue aired out with Jackie.
However it also made for a wonderful conflict at first, and really sad how Marco stormed off (or well…) and Star's mixture of guilt & anger fueling her until she had that important realization about her parents. Well played, Mr. Glass.
When Tom appeared I thought he'd have been responsible or at least aware of how the evening had went, but seeing his plan (and rather crude but sexy way of testing) was a lot of fun. Also, since Boner's first appearance I can't help but smile every time he's in a scene, and not just because of his name either. Nice escalation of what a dick Tom is when Ruby explains why she doesn't care for him anymore.
I like how Mrs. Diaz "caught" Star and Marco together, and so much better that she agreed with her husband when he observed the exact same superior Mewnian logic that Star had come up with the first night they stayed together. Also, I had a proud moment when Marco caught himself while explaining to Jackie that he and Star are [i]best[/i] friends. The next smooth writing move was mentioning Janna's tone that Star can never quite interpret as the crushing girl confronted Star about her lie.
Finally, once we were all set up to enjoy a nice party and see what other shenanigans could happen there, whether by Janna or Tom [b]BAM![/b] you remind us that, oh yeah, there are monsters who want the wand and are willing to hurt humans to get it. Perfect cliffhanger. Thanks.
I wonder if date rape is a thing on Mewni? :D Great chapter, you have a terrific grasp on the characters personalities. Very in-character.
SPOILERS!
Chapter 4 was a nice bit of fun, with a nice move forward in the story and some really good kissing plus boobage to be had. Star getting miffed at Marco's comment that they're just friends was a cute aside and makes clear that Star's feelings for Marco are deeper than her (perhaps hormonally-driven) lust for Oskar. Marco may have realized the mistake in communication over his words, but I don't think he yet understands the full impact of her feelings – even if they aren't intended to be romantic. (Yet? ;))
It did seem suspicious that the kids' inhibitions were eased after drinking the glowberry punch, but I'd wondered if it was the other-dimension version of alcohol or something more intentional. Now it's a big oopsie for Star to explain herself to Marco, who will probably have at least three angst-ridden feelings on the matter.
However my biggest concern is what Star may have to do in order to keep her lie to Janna going. Stealing bodies is probably a bit beyond the scope, so whatever she has in mind is probably a lot more fun.
Thanks for another fun installation. I really look forward to what's next.
Awww shit son that got intense in a fantastic way. I have to say I can't get enough of Star and Marco talking about their relationship, it reminds me of something Star is going to reveal in my own piece. And I'm digging Grandpa Rogelio so far, his wisdom is both gross and insightful. The club scene was great and I have to say I was surprised with how far you were taking the action once it started, it seemed to clash with the pacing of the earlier chapters but that ending made it all so clear and I can't wait to see the fallout.