A couple of issues: Throughout the story, “message” is used instead of “massage.” This elicited a few laughs from me when I'm sure that wasn't your intention (like when I read, “I helped her up and messaged every part of her body”). Also, you can't really massage someone's lap, because a person only has a lap when they're sitting down. It would be more accurate -- and more erotic -- to say that Lilo was massaging Keoni’s thighs.
But otherwise, this is fun. Keoni seems like the perfect boy for Lilo to have her first time with. And Lilo is such an adventurous sort that it doesn't seem out of character for her to propose sex under these circumstances, particularly given that she acquired some sexual knowledge during and since the events of “Lilo's Lesbian Night.”
@GeorgeGlass Always appreciate feedback, thank you.