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schedule
March 5, 2014 at 12:00 AM
While is pretty good that you focus your story more on the plot side, than the erotica. I'll tell you that you need to at least be more forthcoming with the information. Let's be realistic here. This site is pretty much focused on the erotica, so to make a good name for you on the "plot" side, you need way more information than what you gave us here. You don't need to jump right up to the smut, but you can't leave the readers like this.
You want more reactions and interest? Put more information, don't make the chapter so short. This one pretty much fails at being a first chapter, because it gave us nothing that you hasn't told us on the summary. In fact, its completely what you put on the summary, only with more words.
If you want the story to focus on the plot, that's mightily good indeed. But you need to understand that to catch up the attention of your readers, you need more than just specify your intentions. You need to show it, and sadly, this first chapter show us nothing so far.
Hoping to read more about you.
SWK.
You want more reactions and interest? Put more information, don't make the chapter so short. This one pretty much fails at being a first chapter, because it gave us nothing that you hasn't told us on the summary. In fact, its completely what you put on the summary, only with more words.
If you want the story to focus on the plot, that's mightily good indeed. But you need to understand that to catch up the attention of your readers, you need more than just specify your intentions. You need to show it, and sadly, this first chapter show us nothing so far.
Hoping to read more about you.
SWK.
schedule
March 5, 2014 at 12:00 AM
oh yeah i remember these from the palcomix forums.
it was one of my favorite Ben 10 fic ,i thought it was lost after the forums were shutdown , thanks for posting it here.
it was one of my favorite Ben 10 fic ,i thought it was lost after the forums were shutdown , thanks for posting it here.