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May 25, 2015 at 12:00 AM
This is a good story. It could be a great story with a little bit of editing.
First thing I want to comment, no-one has mentioned Fowler dropping his sat-phone in the protogon. Stop and think about the two major issues with that. Military Satellite Uplink w/ the encryption keys and passwords, and Internet access.
Second comment, I REALLY hope that the protoform is a girl and NOT Sari.
Third, As far as the Cons learning about procreation, PredaKing and Airachnid. And don't turn Spider-bot into a proto-factory, no-one deserves that, not even her.
As far as Jack's mortality goes, dying Jack meets the Forge of Solus Prime. Deus ex Machina indeed.
First thing I want to comment, no-one has mentioned Fowler dropping his sat-phone in the protogon. Stop and think about the two major issues with that. Military Satellite Uplink w/ the encryption keys and passwords, and Internet access.
Second comment, I REALLY hope that the protoform is a girl and NOT Sari.
Third, As far as the Cons learning about procreation, PredaKing and Airachnid. And don't turn Spider-bot into a proto-factory, no-one deserves that, not even her.
As far as Jack's mortality goes, dying Jack meets the Forge of Solus Prime. Deus ex Machina indeed.
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April 22, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I love this story, and to an extent it makes sense, I wish it was more complete, the way it ends leaves us hanging.
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April 1, 2014 at 12:00 AM
OH please, oh please, keep writing more, for this story is just the story that I wanted to read for a while now, though you think that you can add in a bit where Arcee is either in a Pretender body, or get shrunk down to Jake's size just to spice things up a bit.
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December 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Feels like ages since you wrote anything, totally worth the wait though. Love the story and hope to see more soon.
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December 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Review of chapter 4:
Damn nice work. The spelling and grammar have improved greatly making the read smoother.
How things will play out now is confusing... Miko would be one thing but Bulkhead...
Nice work!
Damn nice work. The spelling and grammar have improved greatly making the read smoother.
How things will play out now is confusing... Miko would be one thing but Bulkhead...
Nice work!
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December 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Very impressed with your story. You handled the feelings between Jack and June very well. Mothers have their sexual needs, and now that they have Crossed the Lines, Jack will have to think of June as both his mother and his lover. How long can he keep both his mother and Arcee happy?\
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November 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Man, I hate cliffhangers. Please tell me you've got most of the next chapter done. I want to know what's next so bad.
Also, I'd like to thank you for finally posting this chapter. I've been waiting almost a year for it.
Keep up the good work, and please post the next chapter sooner then you did this one.
-loyal autobot
Also, I'd like to thank you for finally posting this chapter. I've been waiting almost a year for it.
Keep up the good work, and please post the next chapter sooner then you did this one.
-loyal autobot
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June 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Awesome story, hope you write another chapter, thanks for sharing. :)
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June 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hey, wondering when we might get another update. It feels like forever since there was progress.
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May 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I love this story. The way you write is amazing. Hopefully you haven't given up on this series