rate_review Reviews

I loved it all and can't wait for the next one and to find out who the New girl is when you post it please tell me I'm kingofmonsters1@gmail.com

I love this story. Please update it soon. It has been almost a month.

I have no idea why no one's called you on your writing yet. The concept is pretty awesome and the general storyline very solid, but the writing itself needs a lot of work. All, and I do mean ALL, of your sentences are missing commas. You use periods like you should be using commas, and thus the whole story comes across as disjointed and awkward. What's meant to be descriptive turns into a plethora of 'while's and 'as', even though the sentence clearly doesn't work with it.

You need a beta reader, because this story has tons of potential even though it's mostly a PWP. It could be hot as hell if the reader was able to truly lose themselves in the flow of the story, but as it is that flow is stilted but misguided grammar. Interestingly enough, your spelling is very well done, which I often don't see in writing that has grammar mistakes like these. You have a nice thing here, but it could be so much better. Again, I recommend a beta reader.

Good luck and happy writing,

Saber

Great job, i cant wait for more

great story

Seeing as how your haveing all the Girls be Supernatural does that mean your haveing Sam keep her powers from the mess with undergrowth when she was his 'Daughter'?