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June 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
A nice story. The plot was nice, and I understood what was going on even though I've never seen the show before. I'd love to see that second chapter you're working on.
To improve it, I would recommend working on the grammar, making your usage of nouns and pronouns clearer (I'm not always sure what the pronouns refer too), and using more commas.
To improve it, I would recommend working on the grammar, making your usage of nouns and pronouns clearer (I'm not always sure what the pronouns refer too), and using more commas.
schedule
June 10, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Hey man, you got it wrong. Gillian is Dark Vegan's daughter. You're thinking of GIL, not Gillian.