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March 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Seeing the picture, this story just clicks. Keeping the Kaoru Miyako couple throughout was nice, ending was funny. Maybe one day Miyako and Kaoru will break the news to Momoko, but of course never tell about that night (the timeline of this story).
You made a few small mistakes and using a spell checker wouldn't have been able to help. "“Momoko’s quite the little screamer.” Kaoru thought to herself. She was glad no one else was in the house. Hopefully the neighbors wouldn’t be able to her here." this combined sentence, at the end "her here" is all spelled correctly, but make no sense. hear her, is what I think you were going for. Just thought I'd point that out. Good story.
You made a few small mistakes and using a spell checker wouldn't have been able to help. "“Momoko’s quite the little screamer.” Kaoru thought to herself. She was glad no one else was in the house. Hopefully the neighbors wouldn’t be able to her here." this combined sentence, at the end "her here" is all spelled correctly, but make no sense. hear her, is what I think you were going for. Just thought I'd point that out. Good story.