rate_review Reviews

Heh, nice. Looks like the three are going to fit right in. Yeah getting on Chaos's nerves is rarely a good idea.

Heh, wow it feels so weird actually seeing some of my guys in action. Originally I was unsure about Celia, I normally imagine her a bit older, like ten or eleven, but this is good. Blizzard has a fair point, they just met. They're might be some playful jabbing, but it is way to early to be thinking about anything romantic.

Oh and, Chill? You really went there?

It may be just me, but I'm having trouble getting used to hearing Huggy actually talk. Still it is nice to see him in action again. You make a fair point in this chapter. Carina and Arianna may be trying to make a name for themselves but the two of them alone can't handle this kind of power, they need help.

Of course they can't exactly depend on their parents with Chaos on Earth, but perhaps there's another way. Huggy was a legendary pilot in his day. So I assume he's been around. In all his travels he's bound to have come across other worlds with what we would could super heroes on them, maybe even made some friends.

How about this, after seeing Arianna and Carina pushed to her limits, Huggy gets in contact with some old friends from his adeventuring days. They're have got to be teenagers from other races with power out there somewhere. Maybe a few of them could get together with Carina and Arianna and help them out? After all, fighting crime in a city is one thing, taking out an army or arms dealers is another matter. I've got a few ideas here that you could use, let me know if you want to hear any of them.

Wow this is really ramping up. Let's just hope they don't try to dance through the force field. Heh, I wonder if Becky will ever live that one down.

It's nice having Huggy around. I think he could be a real voice of experience for the two, or at least carina. You know I doubt it would take Arinanna much effort to construct a translator so she could understand Huggy. Don't count Arianna out so easily. There's much more to her than her equipement.

I'm not sure about the idea of finding Carina a mate, I mean isn't she still a teenager? Between Huggy and Arianna I'm sure they could come up with something to calm her down.

Kinda weird hearing Huggy speak, but it must be easier to write him that way. Um one thing though. I can understand that they'd want to get rid of the guns. But local law enforcement might look down on them casually destroying evidence like that.

I like what you did here. Having Chaos on Earth will keep the main team busy, forcing Carina and Arianna to depend on themselves.

Nice touch having Carina not understand Arianna's tech speak. That could provide some great comic relief as the girls drive each other up the wall. One thing about Arianna though. Remember, Tobey is her father, but there's some Violet in there, too.

I have some thoughts and ideas for later chapters. I'll send those in an email.

Sorry but I haven't really been keeping up with the other story. I will check in on from time to time. But it's basically just an alternate universe redux of Team Alphanumeric and I've already been down that road. I like this chapter, though I do have three observations to make.

First, and this is just me, but I think putting song lyrics in a story like this can be an iffy premise. It's alright if you have characters singing. But just inserting lyrics can be distracting, like putting a poem in the middle of the chapter of a book.

Second I think you might have revealed Chaos a bit too soon here. The revelation of Tobey and Mr. Big's dads was enough on it's own. Revealing Chaos was a little bit of overkill. It might have been better to have Carina and Arianna deal with the two a while and have Chaos's reveal closer to the end of the season so to speak. That would have given time to charge up his powers. The whole thing seems a bit rushed.

Finally I know this might be a bit difficult after just coming off of Team Alphanumeric, but try to remember that first and formost this is Carina and Arianna's story. I know these are special circumstances, but the two came to Mars to make their own names.

It's ok to have the other characters show up occasional to support the two, that's what family is for after all. But if Carina and Arianna are ever going to be taken seriously they have to learn to stand on their own two feet. They can't rely on their parents to come in and save them all the time. It doesn't have to happen right away. But over time the two need to learn how to be more independant and handle their own problems.

Nice touch with Tobey's dad. It's about time Carina learns that crimefighting and being a superhero is not a game. As for your question. Well, let's just say that power like that never stays down for long. Oh it can be knocked down if you try hard enough, but keeping it down is another story. It would be right up his alley to manipulate people from the shadows, biding his time until he got enough of his strength back to strike. Even with Team Alphanumeric I've got a feeling that Carina has her work cut out for her.

Things are really heating up. This should get interesting. In regards to Carina behind hyper, remember some people are just like that. Oh in future Arianna might want to look into a pair of flight boots. Not that there's anything wrong with Carina giving her a lift now and then, but people might start to question a teenage girl flying around town with another teenage girl in her arms.

As for who's behind this, the benefactor might seem like to be the big boss, but I get the feeling there's someone even higher pulling the stirngs. Someone who might be interested in spreading a little, chaos, around?