schedule
August 3, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Love this
schedule
November 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I like this fic.
"If you feel like coming by next week, I'm sure my husband would love to meet you."
Do Dexter's father know his wife's affair?
"If you feel like coming by next week, I'm sure my husband would love to meet you."
Do Dexter's father know his wife's affair?
schedule
October 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
That's a good short and sweet tale. It was nice of Mom got to have some fun teaching the awkward genius some new tricks, and I'm sure Mandark loves cookies a lot more then he thought afterwards. It's also neat that you stuck with Mandark's viewpoint even though it was third-person yet still managed to make Mom's thoughts and feelings come across perfectly.
Even with a simple plot it works well. Even before the sexy part you did a great job describing the details of Mandark's intentions and feelings without getting wordy. I wouldn't say that it was "pared down" but you did an effective job without using more words than necessary. I think that also kept the pace of the story in line with the time to actually read it (which is always relative, but here it's consistent). I also like (envy ;) ) the wording you used in a few places to create a good visual descriptions as well.
Mom's effective seduction was terrific and revealed her kinky side without overdoing it or making her seem slutty. Meanwhile Mandark's responses were very much in line with what I'd expect. The descriptions of the sex itself was, again, well paced and tasty.
As for grammar and mechanics it's extremely well done except that you use a lot of semicolons. I'm fond of them myself but they tend to lose their effect unless used very sparingly, in my opinion. A few of them probably should have been colons in the context you used, but those are too formal for a good flowing tale like this. :)
Still, it's a great little story. Thanks for sharing.
Even with a simple plot it works well. Even before the sexy part you did a great job describing the details of Mandark's intentions and feelings without getting wordy. I wouldn't say that it was "pared down" but you did an effective job without using more words than necessary. I think that also kept the pace of the story in line with the time to actually read it (which is always relative, but here it's consistent). I also like (envy ;) ) the wording you used in a few places to create a good visual descriptions as well.
Mom's effective seduction was terrific and revealed her kinky side without overdoing it or making her seem slutty. Meanwhile Mandark's responses were very much in line with what I'd expect. The descriptions of the sex itself was, again, well paced and tasty.
As for grammar and mechanics it's extremely well done except that you use a lot of semicolons. I'm fond of them myself but they tend to lose their effect unless used very sparingly, in my opinion. A few of them probably should have been colons in the context you used, but those are too formal for a good flowing tale like this. :)
Still, it's a great little story. Thanks for sharing.