AFF Fiction Portal
schedule October 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Definatly continue
person skoshi4
schedule October 26, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Yup, you'd better continue!
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
AMAZING! I loved it. I can't wait for the fallout. Be cool to see it from kims perspective and see what shes up to while rons having fun
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
best thing i've read in a while.
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
good story hope there's more
person Shaloney
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
There are some parts that are pretty good--I love the banter between Kim and Bonnie when Kim and Ron first arrive at the party, for example. But it could stand a lot more detail; there are some passages that are just dialog and nothing else, nothing about what characters are doing, their expressions, tone of voice, etc.

Also, I honestly can't see Ron actually raping a girl (and yes, having sex with a woman who's obviously drunk out of her mind is rape), even if Bonnie not exactly a sympathetic victim. There's been some good stories on this site where Bonnie is more of a manipulator (see "Cheerleader's Peak" or the second chapter of "Love vs. Lust", for example); I think I would have preferred that kind of scenario.

Nonetheless, I'm intrigued by this story; I'd like to see what happens next after all this.
person freivolk
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Oh yes, that was good. Drunken at party. Okay, a classic , but you delivered it perfect. Okay, Ron fell aslleep beside Bonnie, But Kim waits ´for Ron, so I think she will come looking for him. So I say, carrie on.
schedule October 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very good story. Update it when you have a chance. I love a good Ron/Bon story. :)