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October 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Very nice when a story is all sex it gets rather boring. You are doing very well at mixing it up. You are building a nice relationship tale with some tail thrown in. Kim and Ron are exploring each other in more ways than one.
Good job, however you still have another nice story out there too. I'd like to see you work on it if you can.
Thanks
Sentinel
Good job, however you still have another nice story out there too. I'd like to see you work on it if you can.
Thanks
Sentinel
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October 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
*fans herself* That was HOT! Ron finally got his special night with Kim, some of his fantasies coming to life. :)
So the blue sperm and the blue glowing around the two teens....does that mean that maybe they made a baby? Even though kim is on the pill maybe MMP sperm sorta has an extra kick to it?
I can't wait to see what you have planned next for this story...I'm so glad that you updated!
So the blue sperm and the blue glowing around the two teens....does that mean that maybe they made a baby? Even though kim is on the pill maybe MMP sperm sorta has an extra kick to it?
I can't wait to see what you have planned next for this story...I'm so glad that you updated!
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October 3, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You're paragraphs are WAY too large and you jam tons of dialog into them--you should never have more than one character speaking in one paragraph.
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September 23, 2009 at 12:00 AM
WOW! I just read your story...Super Hot! I hope you decide to keep writing...a part 2 to chapter 5 would be really nice. Well done! Again I hope you update your story!
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August 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I don't think you have to worry at all about your writing style. If one were to take out the parts that make this an "adult" fanfiction, "the center still holds", to paraphrase. In fact, the sex makes a lot of sense as you have written it. Unlike a break in the story, or the whole of the story, it is just one more integral part.
I take good stories seriously, and this is a good one, on par with your tales over at fanfiction.net.
Thomas
I take good stories seriously, and this is a good one, on par with your tales over at fanfiction.net.
Thomas
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April 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Adorable. Kimmie not only fights with her feet, she makes love with them too.
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April 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Nice story so far, very erotic. :) Keep up the great work, hope you plan tor write more. Will be checking back on this story for sure.
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April 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
hmm. . if I have to choose then I choose round 2.
I love this story and have been following for a few weeks. My only gripe about it is that there is not more of it.
I love this story and have been following for a few weeks. My only gripe about it is that there is not more of it.
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April 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I have really enjoyed the story. There area few areas that I disagree with but those are minor.Loved chapters 1 and 2. Please add more.
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April 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Sure let's see round two, I wonder what Kimmie learned in that locker room talk.