AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Fillmore: Substring

by Thesus

schedule May 5, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Your story, while the plot line itself was amazing, was not nearly descriptive enough.

You could have set the mood, and kept going, changed it, all kinds of things. You could have made this work shine!

You just need to describe the scene, and keep parts of it together that make sense.