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February 12, 2021 at 12:00 AM
I had an idea that a new kid named Tommy Fenton
who transfers to Casper High and he meets Danny Fenton
and they get to talking and Tommy discovers Danny's secret that he's a ghost,
Then Tommy kinda like to fall for Danny,
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November 25, 2017 at 12:00 AM
I love it. It draws me in!
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April 17, 2016 at 12:00 AM
Omg omg please please continue this is getting really good i really want to continue reading please it's killing me to know how it continues please
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November 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
This is in fact the first DannyxDash fanfic that I have read so far, and thanks to you, I'm now interested in this paring. Thank you for writing and posting this entertaining story! Please do so again when you can.
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November 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is an interesting story, and it brings to mind two particular lines that I use quite forcefully in my reviews.
First, "There is nothing I dislike more than a fanfiction with bad diction, poor syntax, and terrible grammar." That is certainly not to say that this story fulfills any of those requirements in full! It is, however, something to which it is worth looking. If you do not choose your words correctly, your story can become confusing—this happens with VOICE when we are exploring the thoughts of our main characters. If you do not structure sentences correctly, you become muddled—this happens when we are hearing of the Wolf, and during the scenes where there are fuzzy feelings between Danny and Dash. Finally, if you do not use proper grammar, your words are more difficult to decode.
On another note, Dash and Danny do not seem to be in character to me. At least, whilst I could very well see Danny in all of the situations you have described—the sketches and such have created the perfect pretense for an uke!—I simply cannot see Dash reacting how he has. Rather, whilst I see it as possible, I do not see how his thought processes fall within what Dash Baxter would think. This is, indeed, the point of the story; but if you do not keep a bit to the original, it loses some of its finesse and nuance as it is lost in a plot whose characters need to be re-established, rather than an expression of parodic thinking.
Last point: the semi-colon is not your punctuation play-toy! Learn to use connecting two clauses, not as the instrument of absolute phrase!
Now, the second line this brings up is, "Anytime something has a good plot, goddamnit, I'm going to read more; and even though I'm going to want to throw my computer out the fucking window, I'm going to request more be made." On that note, please continue writing. You have a solid plot, and whilst I believe there is some clean-up in style, diction, syntax, and grammar wanting, the plot is shining extremely strong. I wish to see what will befall our couple! And I want to know how this wolf ties-in!
—iloveMP2yea
a.k.a., SHOTA-kun™
First, "There is nothing I dislike more than a fanfiction with bad diction, poor syntax, and terrible grammar." That is certainly not to say that this story fulfills any of those requirements in full! It is, however, something to which it is worth looking. If you do not choose your words correctly, your story can become confusing—this happens with VOICE when we are exploring the thoughts of our main characters. If you do not structure sentences correctly, you become muddled—this happens when we are hearing of the Wolf, and during the scenes where there are fuzzy feelings between Danny and Dash. Finally, if you do not use proper grammar, your words are more difficult to decode.
On another note, Dash and Danny do not seem to be in character to me. At least, whilst I could very well see Danny in all of the situations you have described—the sketches and such have created the perfect pretense for an uke!—I simply cannot see Dash reacting how he has. Rather, whilst I see it as possible, I do not see how his thought processes fall within what Dash Baxter would think. This is, indeed, the point of the story; but if you do not keep a bit to the original, it loses some of its finesse and nuance as it is lost in a plot whose characters need to be re-established, rather than an expression of parodic thinking.
Last point: the semi-colon is not your punctuation play-toy! Learn to use connecting two clauses, not as the instrument of absolute phrase!
Now, the second line this brings up is, "Anytime something has a good plot, goddamnit, I'm going to read more; and even though I'm going to want to throw my computer out the fucking window, I'm going to request more be made." On that note, please continue writing. You have a solid plot, and whilst I believe there is some clean-up in style, diction, syntax, and grammar wanting, the plot is shining extremely strong. I wish to see what will befall our couple! And I want to know how this wolf ties-in!
—iloveMP2yea
a.k.a., SHOTA-kun™
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July 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is one of the best DP stories I've read.Eva. and I think the smut dream would be fun.Maybe.What ever tho once your done with this story I can give you an actual grade so hurry hurry now.
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January 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
the translations on ch8 are a little strange and sometimes don't really make sence in french. i've retranslated them using the english meaning at the bottom.
Merci de votre aide, elle est considérablement apprécié. Quant à ce que je suis bon… c’est entièrement quelque chose je souhaiter garder sous des enveloppes. Je suis sûr que vous comprenez.(0)”
Ouais je suis sûr qu’on peut tout les deux. Mais ummm, savez-vous pourquoi cette dame fantôme était après vous?(1)”
Oui. Cette chienne voulait se débarasser de moi car mes ‘capacités’ sont en opposition aux siens, ce qui les rendaient inutile. Malheureusement elle m'est arrivée avant que je puisse utiliser mes pouvoirs et l'arrêter.(2)”
Désolé mais etes vous capable de parler anglais? Mon ami souhaite vous parler et vous comprendre aussi (3)
i can't guarantee the spelling but at least it sounds right
Merci de votre aide, elle est considérablement apprécié. Quant à ce que je suis bon… c’est entièrement quelque chose je souhaiter garder sous des enveloppes. Je suis sûr que vous comprenez.(0)”
Ouais je suis sûr qu’on peut tout les deux. Mais ummm, savez-vous pourquoi cette dame fantôme était après vous?(1)”
Oui. Cette chienne voulait se débarasser de moi car mes ‘capacités’ sont en opposition aux siens, ce qui les rendaient inutile. Malheureusement elle m'est arrivée avant que je puisse utiliser mes pouvoirs et l'arrêter.(2)”
Désolé mais etes vous capable de parler anglais? Mon ami souhaite vous parler et vous comprendre aussi (3)
i can't guarantee the spelling but at least it sounds right
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September 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
im definitely likeing where this story is going, i also like that danny and dash are reading the story as you right it.
but i hafta agree with danny in a previous chapter, when is he gonna get a little more that just cuddleing, its cute for only so much cuddling can be done before something has to happen. perhapse a spell or something can get them all lusty, or they get drunk or something. just a suggestion =^.^=
xoxo
KarasKraehe
but i hafta agree with danny in a previous chapter, when is he gonna get a little more that just cuddleing, its cute for only so much cuddling can be done before something has to happen. perhapse a spell or something can get them all lusty, or they get drunk or something. just a suggestion =^.^=
xoxo
KarasKraehe
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August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hmm...I like. Needs more smut. Alot more smut. Alot alot. But other than the distinct lack of smut, I like your story.
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July 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
good story i'm slightly confused whether the wolf is a good guy or a bad guy but i guess i'll have to wait and see :D