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schedule
July 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
oooo..i like the darkness in this chappy...
very good story, keep it up!
very good story, keep it up!
schedule
July 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
if i haven't said it before, i'll say it again...i love your realism that results from both the original story line and the fruits of your own creativity...i was soo happy when you decided to take the more realistic approach regarding their relationship than making everything all honkey-dorey after their one "confrontation"
keep up the great work, and i can't wait for your next chappie!
keep up the great work, and i can't wait for your next chappie!
schedule
July 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Really great work with this chapter, but after watching the final episode of the series once again, I wanted to scream. Why Mai? What the hell does he see in her? I was so happy when she hugged him, when he saved her life, when she defeated Azula just so she could help him and of course when he asked for her help to defeat Azula. Those were Zutara moments any fan would have loved and then they go and shatter it with him taking Mai back and Aang and Katara? A joke, a sick joke. I could cry right now... But it's my own fault I guess, I always seem to support non-canon pairings. On the other side I'd don't always get disappointed. I'm still waiting for Naruto to end, but I'm positive that Sasuke and Sakura will make it, Yu-Gi-Oh! ended rather open, and who says fans can't use imagination to bring Kaiba and Anzu together? I know I will.
Well great job, please update soon and Kiss of Fire too, I LOVE that story. Oh and lovely chapter on Capture of the Maiden.
I'll try to review all new updates, but I've been awfully busy.
Good Luck,
Jas
Well great job, please update soon and Kiss of Fire too, I LOVE that story. Oh and lovely chapter on Capture of the Maiden.
I'll try to review all new updates, but I've been awfully busy.
Good Luck,
Jas
schedule
July 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i love your incorporation of the third season! the way you manage to make the story flow with both the original AtlA as well as your original ideas is very refreshing!
schedule
July 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
loved it
please update soon
please update soon
schedule
July 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
any smut?
schedule
July 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I read up to chapter 13 and stopped. The beginning of the story was promising and I could not wait to read deeper into the story to see how the plot unfolds. I hate to say it, but I was disappointed. It got really repetitive, literally at some points. You'd use the exact same metaphors in some parts of the story, and even though they were creative their effectiveness wore out after seeing it so many times.
Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.
As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.
And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.
I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.
Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.
As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.
And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.
I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.
Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
schedule
July 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I read up to chapter 13 and stopped. The beginning of the story was promising and I could not wait to read deeper into the story to see how the plot unfolds. I hate to say it, but I was disappointed. It got really repetitive, literally at some points. You'd use the exact same metaphors in some parts of the story, and even though they were creative their effectiveness wore out after seeing it so many times.
Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.
As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.
And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.
I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.
Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
Besides the over using of the same metaphors, you would constantly repeat the characters state of mind, using the exact same words over and over. It was like watching a children's show that had to keep emphasizing the same point to make sure the child comprehended everything, and I'm sure we've all watched an episode of Dora the Explorer and know how annoying it was to hear the same thing being said three times before moving on.
As far as the characters go, you did an excellent job portraying Toph. With her you hit the nail on the head. Same with Aang. While he was very playful and optimistic in the first two books, in book three he showed a more serious side which you incorporated well into the story. You didn't over-do it, and you still kept his overall personality the way it is on the show. Sokka was nowhere near his character. Where was the sarcasm and pessimism? Where were the terrible jokes at? Where was his planning and semi-leadership of keeping everyone on schedule? It just wasn't him. Zuko was in character for the most part but everything with him was, once again, repetitive. He was TOO angsty and to be honest, he seemed nothing more that a hormone driven, moody teenager rather than a bannished prince who has REAL problems to worry about. And, I personally, feel you over did it with him constantly referring to Katarra as a "water peasant". It was an unnecessary insult after the first few times it was used. My BIGGEST dislike was Katarra. To be short and simple, she was a bitch. In the series, her attitude towards Zuko was understandable being that he actually DID betray them and all. But in your story, he didn't, and he explained the situation, multiple times at that, yet she still remained overly hostile towards him. Katarra is usually the one for reasoning and logic, not letting her emotions get in the way of the mission. She was angry for no reason and the constant animosity between her and Zuko got really old, really fast.
And since we're talking about the Zutarra relationship....where the hell was it? At first, I was happy that you were moving everything at a steady pace and didn't jump right into a love affair with the two, but as I kept reading and reading and reading, nothing was happening. There was no evolution of the characters at all. They kept doing the same thing and it grew tiring. Even when they did make progress and have positive interaction with each other, a few paragraphs later, it was as if nothing happened. And not with just Zuko and Katarra, with Toph and Zuko too. They bonded, went out for the night in the city (which was very nice, great detail!) yet they still acted like they were no more than simple associates.
I will continue to read and finish your story to see what happenes and in no way do I mean to be offensive, but I feel that constructive criticism is needed. You're great with adjectives and describing things, you have and excellent vocabulary and use appropriate words for certain situations. You did a very good job of making your own plot collaborate with that of the series and its easy to keep up with. You are a good writer, and there were minimal punctuation and grammatical errors. The main thing I would tell you to focus on is not dragging things out so long and, if you're going to emphasize the same point more than once, try to do it in a way that makes it not so repetitive.
Sorry for the super long review, and once again, I hope you're not offended in any way.
schedule
July 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Well Avatar just ended tonight (sad) and I decided to try out some fanfics. I came across your's first and read it through to the end. I look foward to your next update. Thanks...
schedule
July 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is one of my favorite stories.
Glad you chose to have Katara be cold to Zuko because then Zuko can prove himself to her. I don't know how he will. But great story, can't wait to see what happens next
Glad you chose to have Katara be cold to Zuko because then Zuko can prove himself to her. I don't know how he will. But great story, can't wait to see what happens next