rate_review Reviews

that was good hope ch 2 is soon

Love the story. Please continue.

Excuse me, but this is rubbish. It's badly written with tons of mistakes (COUCH, not Cough...). Marge was rather OOC... religious home, fair enough, but if you'd actually watch the show, you'd know she had sex on a mini-golf course before, so yeah... Not quite the woman to try to cover herself in a locked house with underwear on, hm? And hell, does she have sex naked in your world? What if someone saw her, "Oh god, Homer, don't look!" ??? I mean, I get what you were trying to get accross, but you failed. Plus, it wasn't hot at all. Maybe next time, but I doubt it. You can't write, try something else. C'est la vie.

could have been better, but a very good starting point. you should continue it as soon as possible.

Nice.

Just one suggestion, should u wish to accept it.

I could be wrong, but I think you repeated the phrase, "Having grown up in a religious home, Marge felt shy doing this," or something similar, close together.

PLS UPDATE SOON!

You did a good job setting this story up. There were a few misspelled words, but not a big deal, it doesn't take away from the story and it was only in the beginning. You should write another story with the Simpsons.