schedule
July 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Eh, really short and unfulfilling. You're trying harder to get through the story than you are to tell it. It sounds more like somebody is *describing* the story to you rather than *telling* it to you. If you really want to write a story you have to be willing to actually put some time into writing it. I guarantee the results will be worth the effort. Let me know if you every update this story. It falls far short of delivering what the description promises. 2 stars out of 5, and that's being generous.
schedule
June 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
YOU SUCK UPDATE KNOW
schedule
December 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good start... hope you will take the time and go with it.
That is how I DO it. Check out my stories, it might help you... I know, tha is why I awlways read other Authors stuff here on AFF.
That is how I DO it. Check out my stories, it might help you... I know, tha is why I awlways read other Authors stuff here on AFF.
schedule
November 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Is this some idea of a joke!?! You couldn't do anything with it for the past few monthes?!? Dude, think of something already. I mean come on you say you're gonna do it so do it.
schedule
September 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wtf??? this sucks
schedule
September 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
rape is good!! :D cute pairing please continue!!
schedule
July 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
update this story soon it is so short
schedule
July 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hrm. Ok must be constructive... Ok... Yeah...
This may help; Elaborate - Main Entry: 1elab•o•rate
Pronunciation: i-'la-b(&-)r&t
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin elaboratus, from past participle of elaborare to work out, acquire by labor, from e- + laborare to work -- more at LABORATORY
1 : planned or carried out with great care
2 : marked by complexity, fullness of detail, or ornateness
Elaboration means that you need to fill in the details to get your actions to be enveloping, short and succint is not the way to write an entertaining story. Take each one of the action/description sentences and turn it into 6 or more. Make each one build up into the other, do this and the illusion will be complete.
Second; The Lead Up - Every story has a beginning and an end, you will find that unless you Build the plot/actions/descriptions between these two points neither of the points is important any more.
Third; the provocative sex scene, Teasing is good; too much is bad, but none is just blech.
Er, other than that; Grab a BETA reader, they help out a ton. And listen to them, they often are good writers themselves.
Hope that helps you out...
This may help; Elaborate - Main Entry: 1elab•o•rate
Pronunciation: i-'la-b(&-)r&t
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin elaboratus, from past participle of elaborare to work out, acquire by labor, from e- + laborare to work -- more at LABORATORY
1 : planned or carried out with great care
2 : marked by complexity, fullness of detail, or ornateness
Elaboration means that you need to fill in the details to get your actions to be enveloping, short and succint is not the way to write an entertaining story. Take each one of the action/description sentences and turn it into 6 or more. Make each one build up into the other, do this and the illusion will be complete.
Second; The Lead Up - Every story has a beginning and an end, you will find that unless you Build the plot/actions/descriptions between these two points neither of the points is important any more.
Third; the provocative sex scene, Teasing is good; too much is bad, but none is just blech.
Er, other than that; Grab a BETA reader, they help out a ton. And listen to them, they often are good writers themselves.
Hope that helps you out...