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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
HEY LOVE YOUR FIC IT'S AWSOME UPDATE SOON!! ^_^
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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hi there, this chapter is pretty cool. I'm glad that Ozai was defeated and that Zuko kicked his butt. Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was on fall break from school. I do hope we see chapter 20 real soon. Good luck with the rest of the story and see you later!!!!
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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow...that was, wow. You are a very talented writter! I love your ATLA fics! They are so well written and flow nicely, with just the right mixture of plot, romance, and smut (gotta love the smut! *wink*)! I was so excited when I read the line from Dune, "Fear is the mind killer..." I jumped up and shouted "Dune!" (I love sci-fi...I'm just glad I was home alone when I did that...) Lol! I hope you write more soon. I love reading! XD
~fallenflames
~fallenflames
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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I usually don't review (okay this is the first review I've ever written) but a thought occured to me as I was reading this. Ya' know how (at least in the beginning) Zuko kept telling Katara "mine" (often accompanied by a kiss or the grabbing of something). Well I just found it kinda funny that after a while she didn't do the same thing to him...'cause he is as much hers as she's his.
By the way, like the fic. It's definitly more complex than the average Avatar fic, which is kinda refreshing...^-^
By the way, like the fic. It's definitly more complex than the average Avatar fic, which is kinda refreshing...^-^
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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Curse it! I forgot to tell you that I like your artwork! It's really lovely! (Zuko without a shirt is always nice...) I won't bug you for updates 'cuz people tend to get sick o' that (though I eagerly look forward to them...) but keep writing! Really...keep writing or evil purple squirls will put a curse on your pudding.
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October 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awesome chapter Spleef! It was very thrilling and had a well written plot to it :)
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October 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good story overall. It's got a pretty cool plot and most of the characters are true to their canon. Zuko/Kat is my favorite paring. However, there have been a few mistakes I've picked up on that I wanted to point out.
The "..." is used too much and in awkward places that disrupts the flow of words. Some of the times it is okay to use, but most often you're making the story difficult to read. Try using a coma, semicolon, or start a new sentence instead.
Another big thing you do is not use the word "an," as in "an old man's kindness" (title of chapter three). It's not a HUGE thing, but again, it's incorrect and causes grammar freaks such as myself to gnash their teeth in annoyance. xD
As far as being true to canon goes...Iroh is awesome. He's hilarious, really. I think Zuko could use some work. In the first chapter, I doubt that he'd have left Appa and Momo alone. He knows that they are loyal to Aang and always help to get him out of trouble, and probably would have disposed of them right then and there. He's also rather, uh, soft when dealing with Katara. I always figured he'd be more of a tyrant, but I figure there's a reason for him not being so. You've already hinted at his father - I'm sure that will clear up some things.
Speaking of Appa and Momo...where are they now? Wouldn't they have at least tried to get back with Aang and the others? They seem like intelligent creatures, it wouldn't be a huge shock to find out that they'd been following the boat the whole time in order to get Aang back when Zuko least expects it.
Your vocabulary is awesome. Irate, volatile, etc. Most people don't even know what those words mean. (Yeah, I'm serious about that. e.e; ) However, "whimper" is WAY overused. I know the fun of that word 'cause I've noticed I use it a lot as well, but try toning it down a little or using a different word all together. Look up some synonyms for it, even.
Ah...Another big thing you do is run-on sentences. Instead of using "and" so many times, put in a period and throw in some capitalization. It goes a long way. You also need to remember to put the beginning AND ending quotations on your dialogue. You've missed this a few times, so I decided to point it out.
Please don't take offense at this - I'm not trying to flame you. This isn't a flame in any way, shape, or form. I just see a lot of potential in your writing and wanted to help you on your way. Really, the story was excellent over all, and I look forward to reading more.
The "..." is used too much and in awkward places that disrupts the flow of words. Some of the times it is okay to use, but most often you're making the story difficult to read. Try using a coma, semicolon, or start a new sentence instead.
Another big thing you do is not use the word "an," as in "an old man's kindness" (title of chapter three). It's not a HUGE thing, but again, it's incorrect and causes grammar freaks such as myself to gnash their teeth in annoyance. xD
As far as being true to canon goes...Iroh is awesome. He's hilarious, really. I think Zuko could use some work. In the first chapter, I doubt that he'd have left Appa and Momo alone. He knows that they are loyal to Aang and always help to get him out of trouble, and probably would have disposed of them right then and there. He's also rather, uh, soft when dealing with Katara. I always figured he'd be more of a tyrant, but I figure there's a reason for him not being so. You've already hinted at his father - I'm sure that will clear up some things.
Speaking of Appa and Momo...where are they now? Wouldn't they have at least tried to get back with Aang and the others? They seem like intelligent creatures, it wouldn't be a huge shock to find out that they'd been following the boat the whole time in order to get Aang back when Zuko least expects it.
Your vocabulary is awesome. Irate, volatile, etc. Most people don't even know what those words mean. (Yeah, I'm serious about that. e.e; ) However, "whimper" is WAY overused. I know the fun of that word 'cause I've noticed I use it a lot as well, but try toning it down a little or using a different word all together. Look up some synonyms for it, even.
Ah...Another big thing you do is run-on sentences. Instead of using "and" so many times, put in a period and throw in some capitalization. It goes a long way. You also need to remember to put the beginning AND ending quotations on your dialogue. You've missed this a few times, so I decided to point it out.
Please don't take offense at this - I'm not trying to flame you. This isn't a flame in any way, shape, or form. I just see a lot of potential in your writing and wanted to help you on your way. Really, the story was excellent over all, and I look forward to reading more.
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October 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Bloody hell, this story is a work of genius
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October 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*sobs* I knew he'd win! Now he just has to go find Kat and everyone can live happily ever after!
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October 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it's soooooo goood plz update soon