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December 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have to say I've been following this series for a while, and love the new turns each author takes with the series. The different personalities of each clone is refreshing, and I think each of their own experiences is really making them a unique character. I feel that the story really fleshing out nicely...and it's also inspired my own muse ^-^'. Enough for me to finally get an account here and start working on a chapter ;) The only question I do have is since Autobot City exists, does that mean the new comers are there too? I.E. Hot Rod, Arcee, Springer etc?
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Urban Shock Part 2:
Once again you provide a wonderful chapter. Your submission was both well-written and interesting. A lot of action was going on within the chapter and you kept my full attention throughout.
I love Shockwave; then again, I love a lot of Transformers, but when it comes to the Transformers with the most bad-assitude, Shockwave is definitely one of my top ten.
I love how you have the clone maintain Shockwave’s intellect and resourcefulness. I’m sure that a good number of the clones are meant to be very intelligent upon activation since they’re military issue but I doubt that every one of them would be smart enough to trick their own basic programming and designate themselves as their own commander. Brilliant, really.
My only nitpicky critique for this chapter was the part where Omega-8 heard the voices outside the truck and you translated what the men said by writing it out in script format. (Man 1: Blah blah blah, etc.) You already state that the Shockwave clone is translating what the men say into English so you could simply write their words out between quotes like you would for any dialogue within the story. It’s really not that big of a deal but even little things like that can take away from a great story. Really, I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should but it’s a personal pet peeve of mine when a great story is interrupted by dialogue written in the script format; I’ve seen too much of it done, and usually it’s done badly.
Wonderful job yet again. I can’t wait to see Omega-8 in action. That, and it will be nice to be able to call him something more personal than Omega-8 or “the Shockwave clone.”
Once again you provide a wonderful chapter. Your submission was both well-written and interesting. A lot of action was going on within the chapter and you kept my full attention throughout.
I love Shockwave; then again, I love a lot of Transformers, but when it comes to the Transformers with the most bad-assitude, Shockwave is definitely one of my top ten.
I love how you have the clone maintain Shockwave’s intellect and resourcefulness. I’m sure that a good number of the clones are meant to be very intelligent upon activation since they’re military issue but I doubt that every one of them would be smart enough to trick their own basic programming and designate themselves as their own commander. Brilliant, really.
My only nitpicky critique for this chapter was the part where Omega-8 heard the voices outside the truck and you translated what the men said by writing it out in script format. (Man 1: Blah blah blah, etc.) You already state that the Shockwave clone is translating what the men say into English so you could simply write their words out between quotes like you would for any dialogue within the story. It’s really not that big of a deal but even little things like that can take away from a great story. Really, I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should but it’s a personal pet peeve of mine when a great story is interrupted by dialogue written in the script format; I’ve seen too much of it done, and usually it’s done badly.
Wonderful job yet again. I can’t wait to see Omega-8 in action. That, and it will be nice to be able to call him something more personal than Omega-8 or “the Shockwave clone.”
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Woah, a whole lot of stories have been uploaded lately. I'll try to hit as much as I can.
--==STSE Arcs(To Feel Human, Insanity, etc.)==---
It's been interesting to watch the clones as they grow and develop over the series. Scream's made an excellent recovery. The last time I left a review his meta had been completely fragged, and he was incapable of speaking anything but the most basic of gibberish. Now he's competent and confident enough to interface with both humans and clones again, which is nice to see.
The Autobot arc was fun to read. Sharon and Daniels' clones were able to wring quite a bit of compensation out of them just by being their mischievous selves. It's always amusing to see the somewhat child-like antics of TC, Scream and Speed. I'm happy to see a somewhat serious-minded clone thrown into the mix with Jag, it'll be interesting to see how the more casual clones in Sharon/Daniel's group react to him.
The only thing I'll criticize so far is your overuse of the verb "purred". It's getting to be slightly irritating, and I'd equate it with how you'd overuse "musical voice" when you were writing the Raptor stories on FF.net. Try to vary the descriptors up just a bit.
Overall, the story's really drawn me in. I've had to slightly adjust the direction of my own work since the Autobot clones are being produced by a separate corporation, but the story isn't affected too much by that. I'm looking forward to future installments.
--==Guardian Pts. 1 and 2==--
This is a cute story. I really like the character of Maria herself; she comes across as the cute but somewhat geeky college girl. I like how you chose to delay the smut until the second chapter instead of having her get down and dirty with Skye as soon as she peeled the box open; it's more befitting of her character that she has some reservations about sex and her appearance.
Skye's still stuck in the subservient eager-to-please mindset that most clones have coming out of the box, but he's got some endearing traits off the bat. He's polite and courteous, although whether this is just because of his programmed loyalties I'm not yet sure. I'll be looking forward to how you develop his character as the story moves on.
As for the smut... it was hot. You did a nice job there. ;P
--==Harmony Pts. 1 and 2==--
As much as I hate to say this, this was the one story I had trouble getting into, mainly because of the spelling/grammatical errors that distract from it. The syntax is a bit sloppy, the run-on sentences being the biggest turn-off for me. It's not that it's a bad story at all. The first chapter had me feeling bad for Morgan, as Nicole seemed more than a little too eager to toss him out for the shiny new sex machine she just got. In the second chapter I came to understand that it was really more about their relationship overall falling apart, and Nicole seemed to have some more reservations over what was going on. I think I can get the basic gist of the rift between them; they fell in love when they were young, she grew up and got serious, he stayed childish and directionless. Sort of like American Beauty with robots tossed in. Wave, most likely due to his programming, seems to pick up on his master's discontent with her husband and begins to dislike him. I can't really blame him for that.
Overall, I like this story. All you'd need is a beta to clean it up a bit and it'd be just fine.
--==Responses==--
STSE: The cores use deuterium/tritium pellets coated in solid energon to evenly distribute the heat energy from the laser across the entire surface. Each Omega clone has about 20 of these pellets each. They power the clones' battery for an average of 50 years, so every 1,000 years the clone would have to find more of these pellets to continue powering its' systems. That, and they'd need routine maintenance every 200 years or so to deal with some of their less long-lasting components, like the coils that transport the alpha particles from the ignition chamber to the battery.
Toonqueen: You're welcome to borrow ideas from my story. I'll just toss this word of advice in, though; if your characters have a chance encounter with an "infected" military clone I'd be careful around it. Depending on the damage they suffered over hundreds of years, there's a small chance their ignition chambers wouldn't be completely sealed. If they were low on power and automatically attempted to recharge their systems by igniting a pellet, they could create a small nuclear explosion if their ignition chambers had significantly degraded.
Rockinmuffin: Thanks for all of your criticism. I appreciate how you manage to leave a thorough critique for every work people post here, it really helps. I'll admit that I did get a bit lazy with the script formatting, so I won't do it again. In the future, I'll notate any dialogue that's being spoken in a language other than English with angle brackets "".
--==STSE Arcs(To Feel Human, Insanity, etc.)==---
It's been interesting to watch the clones as they grow and develop over the series. Scream's made an excellent recovery. The last time I left a review his meta had been completely fragged, and he was incapable of speaking anything but the most basic of gibberish. Now he's competent and confident enough to interface with both humans and clones again, which is nice to see.
The Autobot arc was fun to read. Sharon and Daniels' clones were able to wring quite a bit of compensation out of them just by being their mischievous selves. It's always amusing to see the somewhat child-like antics of TC, Scream and Speed. I'm happy to see a somewhat serious-minded clone thrown into the mix with Jag, it'll be interesting to see how the more casual clones in Sharon/Daniel's group react to him.
The only thing I'll criticize so far is your overuse of the verb "purred". It's getting to be slightly irritating, and I'd equate it with how you'd overuse "musical voice" when you were writing the Raptor stories on FF.net. Try to vary the descriptors up just a bit.
Overall, the story's really drawn me in. I've had to slightly adjust the direction of my own work since the Autobot clones are being produced by a separate corporation, but the story isn't affected too much by that. I'm looking forward to future installments.
--==Guardian Pts. 1 and 2==--
This is a cute story. I really like the character of Maria herself; she comes across as the cute but somewhat geeky college girl. I like how you chose to delay the smut until the second chapter instead of having her get down and dirty with Skye as soon as she peeled the box open; it's more befitting of her character that she has some reservations about sex and her appearance.
Skye's still stuck in the subservient eager-to-please mindset that most clones have coming out of the box, but he's got some endearing traits off the bat. He's polite and courteous, although whether this is just because of his programmed loyalties I'm not yet sure. I'll be looking forward to how you develop his character as the story moves on.
As for the smut... it was hot. You did a nice job there. ;P
--==Harmony Pts. 1 and 2==--
As much as I hate to say this, this was the one story I had trouble getting into, mainly because of the spelling/grammatical errors that distract from it. The syntax is a bit sloppy, the run-on sentences being the biggest turn-off for me. It's not that it's a bad story at all. The first chapter had me feeling bad for Morgan, as Nicole seemed more than a little too eager to toss him out for the shiny new sex machine she just got. In the second chapter I came to understand that it was really more about their relationship overall falling apart, and Nicole seemed to have some more reservations over what was going on. I think I can get the basic gist of the rift between them; they fell in love when they were young, she grew up and got serious, he stayed childish and directionless. Sort of like American Beauty with robots tossed in. Wave, most likely due to his programming, seems to pick up on his master's discontent with her husband and begins to dislike him. I can't really blame him for that.
Overall, I like this story. All you'd need is a beta to clean it up a bit and it'd be just fine.
--==Responses==--
STSE: The cores use deuterium/tritium pellets coated in solid energon to evenly distribute the heat energy from the laser across the entire surface. Each Omega clone has about 20 of these pellets each. They power the clones' battery for an average of 50 years, so every 1,000 years the clone would have to find more of these pellets to continue powering its' systems. That, and they'd need routine maintenance every 200 years or so to deal with some of their less long-lasting components, like the coils that transport the alpha particles from the ignition chamber to the battery.
Toonqueen: You're welcome to borrow ideas from my story. I'll just toss this word of advice in, though; if your characters have a chance encounter with an "infected" military clone I'd be careful around it. Depending on the damage they suffered over hundreds of years, there's a small chance their ignition chambers wouldn't be completely sealed. If they were low on power and automatically attempted to recharge their systems by igniting a pellet, they could create a small nuclear explosion if their ignition chambers had significantly degraded.
Rockinmuffin: Thanks for all of your criticism. I appreciate how you manage to leave a thorough critique for every work people post here, it really helps. I'll admit that I did get a bit lazy with the script formatting, so I won't do it again. In the future, I'll notate any dialogue that's being spoken in a language other than English with angle brackets "
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Mentors Part 2:
First of all, I’d like to state that the mental image of TC and Jester building a snowman together is absolutely precious.
Aww, poor Jag! Stuck on the roof and abandoned all day long. D: And Scream was too busy studying like the nerd he is to notice he was missing any earlier. *insert sad face here*
You know, it’s kind of funny how TC seems to be learning more from Jester than vice versa. It’s almost as if Jester is the mentor and TC the mentee. Then again, TC has always been a bit of a follower because he worries about what the people who are close to him think of him; since he plans on getting close to Jester he even worries about what the newly-activated clone will think of him. This characteristic of TC’s is so incredibly human.
I love the dynamic between Jag and Scream. Scream is incredibly intelligent when he sits down and takes the time to think but he’s also very impulsive and thus rarely ever thinks through his course of actions. Luckily, Jag is all about tactics and thinking things through so he’s able to bring out Scream’s true potential. And Scream is nowhere near as serious so every once in a while he can try to get Jag to loosen up and relax. The two compliment each other rather nicely.
Also, the Sharon/Scream/Jag threesome was hot. ‘Nuff said.
First of all, I’d like to state that the mental image of TC and Jester building a snowman together is absolutely precious.
Aww, poor Jag! Stuck on the roof and abandoned all day long. D: And Scream was too busy studying like the nerd he is to notice he was missing any earlier. *insert sad face here*
You know, it’s kind of funny how TC seems to be learning more from Jester than vice versa. It’s almost as if Jester is the mentor and TC the mentee. Then again, TC has always been a bit of a follower because he worries about what the people who are close to him think of him; since he plans on getting close to Jester he even worries about what the newly-activated clone will think of him. This characteristic of TC’s is so incredibly human.
I love the dynamic between Jag and Scream. Scream is incredibly intelligent when he sits down and takes the time to think but he’s also very impulsive and thus rarely ever thinks through his course of actions. Luckily, Jag is all about tactics and thinking things through so he’s able to bring out Scream’s true potential. And Scream is nowhere near as serious so every once in a while he can try to get Jag to loosen up and relax. The two compliment each other rather nicely.
Also, the Sharon/Scream/Jag threesome was hot. ‘Nuff said.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I was unaware that TurtleDreamer was not typing on a computer, so, yes, kudos to her courage. I personally wouldn't have the balls to do something like that. Also, I wasn't saying that she had to have incredibly long chapters; I'm just saying that nothing much really happened in her first chapter. Honestly, I might not have even pointed this out but I recalled that one of your rules had been that the story must start with the person's purchase of the clone and while her character did win the clone in her chapter that was the only event that actually occurred. I hope I didn't sound mean when I was pointing this out; I really just want to help and I'm sorry if I came off as being "high and mighty" or something along those lines. My Creative Writing course recently taught me the importance of critique so when I see something that can be improved upon I tend to point it out and try to give advice on how to fix it if I can.
Honestly, I think TurtleDreamer's chapter (Winner's Luck) was well-written and parts of her dialogue made me laugh. I'm simply stating that very little occurred in the first chapter, that's all. Again, I apologize if I came off as sounding harsh because that was not my intention.
Honestly, I think TurtleDreamer's chapter (Winner's Luck) was well-written and parts of her dialogue made me laugh. I'm simply stating that very little occurred in the first chapter, that's all. Again, I apologize if I came off as sounding harsh because that was not my intention.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Plum Pickings:
Heh, this was pretty funny. So far, I think your Bonnie is the only one who wasn't instantly satisfied with her clone. Something tells me she's a woman of fine and expensive tastes. I'm definitely getting a mob boss sort of vibe from this woman.
Be he human or robot, a man never fails to try and skip around the foreplay. Always so impatient. xD
I feel bad for Plum; he's going to find that it's going to take a lot to please his new "boss," I'm sure.
Heh, this was pretty funny. So far, I think your Bonnie is the only one who wasn't instantly satisfied with her clone. Something tells me she's a woman of fine and expensive tastes. I'm definitely getting a mob boss sort of vibe from this woman.
Be he human or robot, a man never fails to try and skip around the foreplay. Always so impatient. xD
I feel bad for Plum; he's going to find that it's going to take a lot to please his new "boss," I'm sure.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ah Ha! I finally worked out how to review, :) It only took me a month...
I love this idea, and I can't believe no one came up with it before, yay for StSE for opening it up to everyone. I can see this going on for years and into hundreds of chapters and storylines before it ends, if it ever does.
I've been reading since the beginning, and searching for an idea I can do, that I'll enjoy writing. Since I've never written smut before I didn't think I could do it well without some other story line being there... But I have one now. I knew I wanted to do one of the combiners, but was it ever so hard to decide, then I read mentors 2, and Bonnie popped into my head and demanded her own decepticon-autobot duo.
Okay, onto the reviewing.
I love TC. He's grown so much, and I love that he's a shopping frend, and has his own job, and earns his own money, and got all upset when it turnt out no one got him a car. I thought 'to feel human' would be my fav storyline, but then comes along 'mentors' and I get blown away.
Scream I feel for, I really do, and I'm glad he's made such a recovery. You've made the family interactions very real, very alive, and I hope to see Scream's future with TC at some point... and Jester and Jag I suppose. I do wonder if you consider a sparkbond has to be between two, and only two mechs, or if you are going with the theory that a sparkbond can be between many.
Speed Racer I don't much care for, but he's funny and a good conterpoint to his 'cousons' I'm looking forward to seeing him mentoring. I like Mirage clone getting named Shado, it's a nice link back with your Raptor verse.
I looking forward to Jag's development, and wondering what direction you'll take Jester, and starting to think Jester and TC are going to be addicted to each other... no not the right thought. Too relenent on each other? Too dependent? Clingy? I want to see how Sharon deals with that, if it happens.
Tron annoys me. I feel like tossing him in a nuclear reactor. I know he's been conditioned that way, but I hope someone writes a 'good' Megatron clone, just because it would be an interesting challege.
I think I like it most when the clones make different choices, become different people, from the mechs they are cloned from.
Kaon has been good so far, lots of plot going on there, I'm looking forward to the next part.
Not sure what to think of Guardian, Maria seems alright, and Skye is cute. I think I'm waiting for something to happen, it seems a bit awkward at the moment, which I'm expecting from Maria considering her age. The story so far has been cute and awkward, like first dates, so I'm looking forward to Skye causing more awkwardness between them.
I like Harmony. At first I wasn't sure, but the second part blew me away. I am amazed at the amount of thought that's gone into this relationship, and how one sided part 1 was, and that was just great, I felt like Wave, first thinking the husband was a good for nothing slob, then finding out in part 2 that he clearly cares for his wife, and is trying, but not getting anywhere. I'm wondering if Wave will help or hurt the relationship? I'm guessing a bit of both.
Will review the others later, but I think this is getting longer than my chap, so I better stop now.
I love this idea, and I can't believe no one came up with it before, yay for StSE for opening it up to everyone. I can see this going on for years and into hundreds of chapters and storylines before it ends, if it ever does.
I've been reading since the beginning, and searching for an idea I can do, that I'll enjoy writing. Since I've never written smut before I didn't think I could do it well without some other story line being there... But I have one now. I knew I wanted to do one of the combiners, but was it ever so hard to decide, then I read mentors 2, and Bonnie popped into my head and demanded her own decepticon-autobot duo.
Okay, onto the reviewing.
I love TC. He's grown so much, and I love that he's a shopping frend, and has his own job, and earns his own money, and got all upset when it turnt out no one got him a car. I thought 'to feel human' would be my fav storyline, but then comes along 'mentors' and I get blown away.
Scream I feel for, I really do, and I'm glad he's made such a recovery. You've made the family interactions very real, very alive, and I hope to see Scream's future with TC at some point... and Jester and Jag I suppose. I do wonder if you consider a sparkbond has to be between two, and only two mechs, or if you are going with the theory that a sparkbond can be between many.
Speed Racer I don't much care for, but he's funny and a good conterpoint to his 'cousons' I'm looking forward to seeing him mentoring. I like Mirage clone getting named Shado, it's a nice link back with your Raptor verse.
I looking forward to Jag's development, and wondering what direction you'll take Jester, and starting to think Jester and TC are going to be addicted to each other... no not the right thought. Too relenent on each other? Too dependent? Clingy? I want to see how Sharon deals with that, if it happens.
Tron annoys me. I feel like tossing him in a nuclear reactor. I know he's been conditioned that way, but I hope someone writes a 'good' Megatron clone, just because it would be an interesting challege.
I think I like it most when the clones make different choices, become different people, from the mechs they are cloned from.
Kaon has been good so far, lots of plot going on there, I'm looking forward to the next part.
Not sure what to think of Guardian, Maria seems alright, and Skye is cute. I think I'm waiting for something to happen, it seems a bit awkward at the moment, which I'm expecting from Maria considering her age. The story so far has been cute and awkward, like first dates, so I'm looking forward to Skye causing more awkwardness between them.
I like Harmony. At first I wasn't sure, but the second part blew me away. I am amazed at the amount of thought that's gone into this relationship, and how one sided part 1 was, and that was just great, I felt like Wave, first thinking the husband was a good for nothing slob, then finding out in part 2 that he clearly cares for his wife, and is trying, but not getting anywhere. I'm wondering if Wave will help or hurt the relationship? I'm guessing a bit of both.
Will review the others later, but I think this is getting longer than my chap, so I better stop now.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Market Competition Part 1 (a and b):
Hooray for the Autobots! I'm sure a good number of people have been waiting for the chance to buy some of the adorable Autobots. (So, how many chapters until someone decides to molest Bumblebee, eh?) Those Autobots sure can be tricky when they want to be. And poor TC! They made him cry. D: But they paid for it with their wallets. xD I still kind of feel sorry for them. Kind of.
I can't wait to see all the Autobot clones that come of this and what they'll do. That, and I wonder how the Decepticons will react when htey discover what the Autobots are up to. :3
Gah! I'm so tempted to do an Autobot mini-plot too but I really shouldn't start another one when I only have two parts of my original plot completed. Oh, woe is an indescisive fangirl.
Hooray for the Autobots! I'm sure a good number of people have been waiting for the chance to buy some of the adorable Autobots. (So, how many chapters until someone decides to molest Bumblebee, eh?) Those Autobots sure can be tricky when they want to be. And poor TC! They made him cry. D: But they paid for it with their wallets. xD I still kind of feel sorry for them. Kind of.
I can't wait to see all the Autobot clones that come of this and what they'll do. That, and I wonder how the Decepticons will react when htey discover what the Autobots are up to. :3
Gah! I'm so tempted to do an Autobot mini-plot too but I really shouldn't start another one when I only have two parts of my original plot completed. Oh, woe is an indescisive fangirl.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Harmony Part 2:
I love your characters. Man, I really feel for poor Morgan. It's really sad when couples start to lose interest in one anoter, especially when there was once a time when they were truly and deeply in love. He has good intentions and he obviously cares a great amount for his wfe Nicole, but he just can't seem to properly express it.
And then we have Nicole; she's lost interest in her husband ans has had some ill thoughts of him but she's not a bad person either. She's just realized that her and her husband share different interests and while she is a bit of a workaholic her husband is a lazy slob in comparison.
And then there's Wave. He was purchased as a means to mend the couple's somewhat broken relationship but he may end up being what permanently breaks it. He is already fond of his master (as most clones are), has a natural interest in her own interests, and is able to satisfy Nicole where she won't give Morgan the chance. That, and Wave also has taken a second look at Morgan and has decided that the man is not as stupid or inferior as he initially thought.
You have some deep characters here; I'll be glad to see more from them. I want to see how their lives unfold.
I love your characters. Man, I really feel for poor Morgan. It's really sad when couples start to lose interest in one anoter, especially when there was once a time when they were truly and deeply in love. He has good intentions and he obviously cares a great amount for his wfe Nicole, but he just can't seem to properly express it.
And then we have Nicole; she's lost interest in her husband ans has had some ill thoughts of him but she's not a bad person either. She's just realized that her and her husband share different interests and while she is a bit of a workaholic her husband is a lazy slob in comparison.
And then there's Wave. He was purchased as a means to mend the couple's somewhat broken relationship but he may end up being what permanently breaks it. He is already fond of his master (as most clones are), has a natural interest in her own interests, and is able to satisfy Nicole where she won't give Morgan the chance. That, and Wave also has taken a second look at Morgan and has decided that the man is not as stupid or inferior as he initially thought.
You have some deep characters here; I'll be glad to see more from them. I want to see how their lives unfold.
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Review for Winner's Luck Part 1:
Heh. You know, I don't think I would mind pop-up ads as much as I do if they were offering me a free mini Transformer.
This is looking good so far; from what little information we are given we learn a lot about your main character and her personality. And, from wat I can tell, she's a pretty interesting gal. My only complaint is that nothing much really happens in this chapter; it would've worked better as one of the scenes within a bigger chapter than standing alone by itself. However, I'm aware that StSE is the only author who can actually go back and edit chapters so I don't expect you to go back and add on. I also understand that this is the beginning, maybe even a prologue of sorts, for your own mini series so it was most likely your intention for it to be short and sweet. All I suggest is that you make sure that your future chapters have a little more happen within them.
I look forward to future chapters by you. Please continue; I want to see where this miniplot is headed.
Heh. You know, I don't think I would mind pop-up ads as much as I do if they were offering me a free mini Transformer.
This is looking good so far; from what little information we are given we learn a lot about your main character and her personality. And, from wat I can tell, she's a pretty interesting gal. My only complaint is that nothing much really happens in this chapter; it would've worked better as one of the scenes within a bigger chapter than standing alone by itself. However, I'm aware that StSE is the only author who can actually go back and edit chapters so I don't expect you to go back and add on. I also understand that this is the beginning, maybe even a prologue of sorts, for your own mini series so it was most likely your intention for it to be short and sweet. All I suggest is that you make sure that your future chapters have a little more happen within them.
I look forward to future chapters by you. Please continue; I want to see where this miniplot is headed.