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November 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
More! More! More!
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July 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
aww, how sweet alex and the unknown bad guy^^
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September 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
keep up da good work!
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August 27, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Y'know, they're not bad concepts... an has has a nice dosage of emotion in there... but it needs to be fleshed out far more. Chapter 2 was far too short and emotionless. If you wanted to give a history on how they got there, you should've put more to it instead of mostly reiterating what was said in Chapter 1. And you desperately need a beta reader, particularly for the dialogue. It comes off sounding rather wooden and robotic, and goes a long way to draining what emotional impact this story could've had in concept. Hopefully these issues will be addressed before what could be an emotionally charged situation, unless you're trying to just find an excuse to have this bad thing happen to the girls.
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August 27, 2004 at 12:00 AM
keep it up!!
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Not a bad start. Keep up the good work.